Do me a favor if u must

Story of a teenage guy who suffers from PTSD, major depression, and a personality disorder


1. Plunge into a mental death, before you attempt

   As you might know from seeing me at school with my dreaded face and antisocial actions, I hate life. I hate waking up every morning just for my mind to remind me there will be pain today. Yes there is some physical pain. But the type of pain I am talking about is the mental pain. The pain that keeps you up all night, waking you from nightmares because you have more fear than the average person. The pain of memories draining every positive thing in your life out like an empty pen, with no ink to write what's next. Well that's just it, you don't know what's next anymore. The pain that solidifies the tears held in your eyes, making it seem like you forgot how to cry. The pain that leaves you feeling lifeless and unknown, clenching your long sleeves in the backseat of a car. You stare out the window forgetting who you once were. And yes, I am writing this to you, to you who stands silent watching me sob alone in the halls of this transparent but self centered school. To you who knows the pain. Who knows the loneliness. To you who said to me once in the halls, " what's the matter?" and, " I care." you never gave up on trying to save me. Then one day I asked you to do a favor. I asked you to shoot me in the head with a rifle, because I had no courage to do it myself. And what did you do? You cried. You cried for me to rethink. You cried for me to understand you were there for me. I watched you point the gun to your own head an pull the trigger, but the damn gun was jacked up. You know who I am? I am the depression in you. 

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