Journal

These are my thoughts lets see if you can get to the center of my maze. . .

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1. I Promise

Applause for whoever wrote this (http://psychcentral.com/lib/you-cant-fight-depression-alone/). Um news flash whoever doesn't read this person is right. Heck I hit my head against the wall because people are so dense about it unless it's happening to them. I would never let somebody deal with this on their own. Nobody can just "handle" it like we won't know what it is. Are you kidding me?! You people could never understand someone else's pain and get them to talk to you if you never wanted to in the first place!!! Don't pretend that you CARE!!! Because I know that most of you don't and that even makes it more hard because we can see through it  and when we don't tell you get even more mad. It's like we can't please you when you're actually supposed to figure out what's wrong and try (keyword: TRY) to make us happy. If you don't care then why are you around me when all you're gonna do is get mad at me? Are you all idiots? We also don't need pity because that is just wrong. We need you to just stay and hold us or just be there and if we don't feel like talking just lay down with us and look at the sky or just talk because we will listen. Then we have masks because we don't want to worry anyone with how we're feeling. Like really don't you get it? Those masks are keeping you guys safe while for us it is keeping us together. Sure you say "you'll feel better if you take it down" but really it will let all the pieces break apart and let us show you how broken we are. Those masks are like glue to us so don't think that will change anything. You all don't know what it's like for us to have to keep pretending we're happy because we are scared that we'll hurt you. Heck somebody called me the strongest person they knew and one night when I broke and they had to see it that scared them. I don't ever want that to happen again. Now do you see why we have these masks? Because we don't want to scare you. We want you to be in a false reality because then you'll never know. Some of us can't cry anymore or feel anything yet those masks can show it even if it's fake. To us it's raining while around us it's bright and the sun is shining. We want to keep you happy and never to let you know that deep inside hidden in the shadows we are falling. Inside we may already be dead and those masks we wear is to keep you happy. Because after we finished our battle we become you're weapons. I will be the bone to your bow. I will be your sword. I will be your shield. I will be whatever you need me to be. Because we, the one's who have fought our battles, want to keep you safe and you never to feel like this. We want you to be smiling and to be ignorant to all this ugliness. Because during most of our inner battle you were the sun to us. That gave us the strength to care on till we lost. We want to keep you bright so then you'll never fall. Because your our precious person to us and we'll always make sure that you are safe. Yet me well I already lost and the people who are precious to me I will do everything in my power to keep them smiling even if I already lost. I will be the bone to their bow. I will be their sword. I will be their shield. I will be their friend. I will be there with an umbrella to hold over them when it's raining around us. I will take a shot for them. Because that's what you do for your precious people. I want to die for them so they keep on living even if I can't. If I will I'll take a bullet and I'll die with a smile on my face and tell them all my memories with them maybe then I'll cry. But until my heart stops beating I will always be there to keep them safe and hope they know I carry them in my heart. Because even if I was alone, sad, and rejected I became strong out of it. This is where I say good-bye eh? Well ja ne minna. . . Good-bye my family.  

I may not be able to see you, there may be hundreds of miles between us but I'll always be your way. I'll be watching over you forever.  

I PROMISE. 

        

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