Genius Villains and Heroic Idiots

When Simba goes missing from the Pride Lands, Zazu enlists the help of Blackadder, Mr. Bean, Johnny English, the Gasforth Police and Mystery Inc. among others to find him and solve the mystery in this tribute to my most favourite actor of all time: Rowan Atkinson.


1. Where's Simba?

Zazu yawned. "That Simba is just as hard work as his father was," he muttered to himself as he got into his nest. "I'm getting too old for this job. The sooner I retire and have peace and quiet in a big tree all to myself, the better."
   It had been a very tiring day. There were elephants stuck in the water hole, there was a whole ant colony on strike and, worst of all, there was Timon and Pumbaa protesting about a short supply of bugs. Zazu finally went to sleep.
   Then elephant trumpeting could be heard, followed by zebra crying and finally monkey chanting.
   An annoyed Zazu got out of bed and went to the front door. "Now, listen, every one of you! I am – "
But he could find no animal outside his tree, not even an insect.
   "Thank goodness they've gone," the red-billed hornbill said. He slammed his door shut and flew back into his nest. Then his door was banging very loudly.
   Zazu grinded his teeth as he flew back to the door and opened it. "WHAT?"
   "Zazu, sir!" Gopher said as he saluted him.
   "It's half two in the morning, Gopher!" yawned Zazu. "This had better be good!"
   "Sir, King Simba and Queen Nala have gone, sir," answered Gopher.
   "I said, 'This had better be – '." Then Zazu stopped and realised what Gopher said. "Gone? How do you mean, 'Gone'? As in taking a vacation?"
   "No, sir," replied Gopher. "There are rumours that they have been kidnapped, sir."
   "What about Princess Kiara and Prince Kovu?"
   "They've gone, too, sir."
   Zazu sighed as he threw his nightcap off. "What did I do to not deserve a beauty night's rest?"

It wasn't long before Zazu reached Pride Rock. It was crowded with a lot of worried animals that were makings loud panicky noises.
   "Move! I must get to Pride Rock! Get out of the way!" Zazu tried to fly above the animals, but he couldn't avoid the running-around elephants and giraffes.
   Soon he managed to land on the peak and took a minute to catch his breath.
   "Hey, somebody get us out of here!" yelled a voice that sounded a lot like Timon's.
   Zazu flew into the royal den and saw a big cage with Timon and Pumbaa inside it.
   "What happened?" asked Zazu.
   "We were just sleeping," replied Pumbaa, "and, when we woke up, we found ourselves in here."
   "Is that it?" asked Zazu. "No funny smells? No bumps on your head?" No – "
   "No helping if you don't get us out!" snapped Timon. "Quickly!"
   Zazu look around. There was no key, no crowbar and no bar-cutters. But then he saw a white pen and then he looked at Pumbaa's big butt.
   "Er, what's taking him so long, Timon?" Pumbaa asked Timon. Then he screamed and ran, knocking the cage down.
   Timon coughed as he climbed out of the metal rubble. "Thanks a lot, birdbrain," muttered the moody meerkat.
   "Well, it was either this or no bugs for, well, forever," the 'birdbrain' protested. "Now, since you're out, how about getting to business?"
   "But I don't need to go," said Pumbaa.
   "Not that business, Pumbaa!" snapped Timon. "He means find clues about Simba and his family's disappearance."
   "Oh," said Pumbaa.

They searched the whole of Pride Rock and have found nothing.
   "Uh, Timon, I've been thinking," said Pumbaa.
   "About bugs for breakfast?" asked Timon. "Because I'm starving."
   "No. Do you think it could be Scar and his hyenas?"
   "They're dead, Pumbaa. They can't come back from the dead."
   "Could it some unhappy creatures who want to take over the Pride Lands?" asked Pumbaa.
   "If they wanted to rule the Pride Lands, Pumbaa," said Timon, "do you really think they wouldn't be here?"
   "What if it were our old enemy Quint?"
   "No, he won't – " Then Timon stopped and pondered it. "Hey, I have an idea. What if it were our old enemy Quint?"
   "Zazu, sir!"
   Zazu jumped in the air and turned around to see Gopher.
   "Where have you been, Gopher?" Zazu demanded.
   "I was looking for clues around Pride Rock, sir," replied Gopher.
   "Nothing, sir. What about you, sir?"
   "Found nothing but this pen," said Zazu, holding it in the air. Then he studied it and noticed blue writing on it. "Sinclair. Who is Sinclair?"
   "The only Sinclair I know is that hotel where me and Timon stayed once in London," said Pumbaa.
   "Well, since I can't find Rafiki or some monkey telling me what to do about this," said Zazu, "we'd better get to London straight away. And we'd better get help."
   "But who's gonna help us?" asked Pumbaa.

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