Genius Villains and Heroic Idiots

When Simba goes missing from the Pride Lands, Zazu enlists the help of Blackadder, Mr. Bean, Johnny English, the Gasforth Police and Mystery Inc. among others to find him and solve the mystery in this tribute to my most favourite actor of all time: Rowan Atkinson.


2. Mr. Bean's Pen Pal

Mr. Bean sneezed as he used his feather duster to clean the curtains. But he smiled because his flat was clean, tidy and dustless. But there was one thing he hadn't dusted: himself. He dusted his hair, his face, his jacket, his shoes and between his legs.
   Bean went into the kitchen and took off a letter of the refrigerator. Then he went to Teddy. "Look, Teddy," he said. "He'll be here any minute. Let's get you all smartened up."
   Bean had been writing to a pen-pal for a few months and had decided invited him to come and stay over for a few days.
   Then the doorbell rang. Bean went to the door, straightened his tie up and reached for the doorknob, only it wasn't there. He quickly ran to his fruit bowl and got the doorknob out. He put it on the door and opened it.
   "Blobby!" shouted Mr. Blobby. "Blobby blobby blobby!"
   Blobby ran into Bean's flat, dropping his suitcases onto his pen-pal's feet.
   "Blob blobby blobby blobby," said Blobby, as he put his hand out.
   "Uh, Bean," said Bean, shaking his hand.
   Blobby started to shake violently and kissed Bean on the lips. As the pink and yellow-spotted figure quickly jumped on Bean's bed, laughed his head off and then fell off the bed, Bean started to immediately regret inviting his pen pal over.

Soon it was dinnertime. Blobby was sat at one end of the dinner table. The table had salt and pepper pots and curry sauces jars.
   Bean came out of the kitchen, pushing a wooden trolley with a silver serving dish on it.
   Blobby smelled. "Blob blobby blob," he said, rubbing his tummy.
   Bean took the lid off and the dish revealed a Rogan josh curry. He took one scoop out and put it in Blobby's bowl. Blobby put his bowl out for Bean to give him more, but the selfish buffoon had already moved to his seat and helped himself to all that was rest.
   Blobby compared his plate to Bean's. "Oh, blobby!" he snapped angrily. He grabbed the curry sauce pot and tried to open it, but he clumsily dropped it on the table. Not only did it break into pieces, but curry sauce flew everywhere, including on Bean.
   Blobby gasped. "Blobby blobby blobby!" Then he got up, knocking a glass of red wine onto the table. The spilled wine landed on Bean's trousers.
   Now Bean was getting really mad. Then he was getting rubbed by a cloth. It was in Blobby's right hand. The fat blob was trying to clear up the mess he made.

By nine o'clock at night, Bean and Blobby were watching a repeat of The Two Ronnies. Usually, Bean would've found this time relaxing and amusing, but this time he was finding it hard to enjoy due to Blobby's loud and irritating laughing.
   After ten minutes of Blobby's laughing, Bean gave up and got up. He spent the next ten minutes making a bed that came out of the green settee for Blobby. But when he finished, he only saw Blobby in his own bed. And, what's worst, he was Teddy's new bunk mate.
   A defeated Bean grinded his teeth and sulked as he got into the settee bed.
   Soon Bean was sleeping like a baby, with his thumb in his mouth. Then a big light came on.
   "Blobby!" Blobby shouted from his bed.
   Bean jumped as he looked at his guest who was gesturing a glass of water.
   Bean groaned as he got up. He went to the kitchen and got out a small glass and a pint glass. He filled them both and then he went to Blobby and prepared to give him the small one, but Blobby grabbed the pint one and tried to drink it but it wet his own pyjama trousers. He raised his pink fist to Bean, who just ignored him and went back to bed.

"Blobby blobby blobby!"
   That was coming from Blobby's alarm clock. It didn't wake its owner up, but it did wake up Bean. He saw it was five o’clock in the morning on his watch, but decided to get up anyway. He opened the curtains and saw that it was sunrise. He grabbed his electric razor and started under his chin. Then he did the left side of his face and then his right side. Then he headed up to his forehead and then came down to his nose.
   "Blobby blobby!" Blobby cried from behind him.
   Bean jumped and, at the same time, his razor got stuck in his nose again. He grabbed the scissors and freed his nose from the razor.
   Bean had enough of Blobby. He grabbed a pin and marched to the kitchen where Blobby was. He was about to insert the pin into his guest’s back when he turned around. Bean quickly hid the pin.
   Blobby had grabbed a postcard with a picture of a beach and the word 'Gasforth' on it.
   "Blobby blobby blobby?" asked Blobby.
   "Ok," said Bean.

After ten minutes, Bean was in his usual outfit and Blobby was in his usual outfit – nakedness. They made their way to Bean's yellow mini. Bean unlocked his padlock and got in his side. He reached over to the other door and opened it. Blobby tried to get in, but he was too fat to get in probably and his feet were still out.
   Bean groaned as he got out and went to Blobby's side. He lifted the pink legs up and closed the door. Blobby's legs were still hanging out of the window, but it was the best he could do.
   Bean went back to his side of the mini.
   "Blobby blobby blobby!" shouted Blobby, pointing at his watch impatiently.
   "All right!" snapped Bean. He finally started the engine and the mini drove off.
   Bean hadn't been driving for very long. They had only driven a few blocks away and Blobby was already taking pictures with his pink and yellow spotted camera, from the tallest street lamp to the smallest dog doing its business.
   Then Blobby saw a giant hotel with the sign, 'Sinclair'. He reached over to take a better picture but it was distracting Bean's driving. Not only that, but Bean couldn't even see anything at all. He tried to push Blobby away, but he was too big. He tried to see over the giant pink and yellow-spotted head, but he couldn't even glimpse.

Two policemen were walking near the Sinclair Hotel. They were P.C. Gladstone and P.C. Goody.
   "Nice quiet day today, don't you think, Kevin?" smiled Gladstone.
   "Yeah, sure," Goody said uninterested.
   "Is this about Maggie again?" asked Gladstone.
   "I only thought that man was hurting her," said Goody.
   "That nice man in the spa who gave her a nice massage?"
   "She was yelling in pain."
   "Massaging a tense back is painful in a way," said Gladstone. "Just be grateful Inspector Fowler didn't put you on a charge for it. And also be grateful that he doesn't even know it."
   Then car horn beeping could be heard. They saw a blue Reliant Regal van driving along, but Mr. Bean's mini knocked it, sending to crash a fruit stall. Then the yellow mini cut across the pavement, just missing Gladstone and Goody. It cut across the car park of the Sinclair car park and crashed into the water fountain.
   Gladstone got out his radio. "Gladstone. A yellow mini has crashed into the water fountain at Sinclair Hotel."
   "It was a car that crashed into the fountain, Frank," said Goody, "not a yellow Minnie Mouse."

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