Four lonely walls and a ceiling

Hospital.. Suicide watch


1. Think

I tried to hang myself in my assigned room with one of my long sleeved shirts, tied to the pole in the shower..but it fell. All I remember was someone sticking a needle in my kneck. Now I am locked in a room with tiled white walls and a ceiling. The floor is white tiled as well. All I have is this air mattress.

  It's like I am in prison in here. I was put in here for being bad, for trying to kill myself on hospital grounds. I thought it would work. Is this place supposed to make me think of the bad I did? Because this place makes me its supposed to. I think of suicide. I think of how much of a failure I am. I think of all the hurt in my life...the memories from when my Dad slapped me on the very steps of the stairs of the house that my family used to be together in. I think of all the names my siblings have called me. I think of my stepmoms facial expression when I ask her if she thinks I am lying about my Dad. I think of my mother telling me I have no reason to want to cut instead of hugging me like a real mother should. I think of the names people call me at school. I think of the rumors and gossip at school. I think of when I got tripped and everyone just stood there laughing. I think of everyone calling me an attention seeker and manipulator when they found out I cut. This place is supposed to make me think right? Well, yup..I sure as hell think. 

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