Midnight Thinking*

A "diary" about whatever I think of at night. Not exactly midnight, but you get the point. It can just be what I might be thinking at the end of the day because if I stayed up 'til midnight to write this every night I'd be in danger of some major sleep deprivation. In truth, I just liked the title (which may or may not end up being a book title of mine). Anyway, these thoughts could end up being as short as a sentence or as long as a few pages. So, enjoy my ramblings.


6. Sub-Rosa


        There are things that seem too big to comprehend. One of those things being the human mind. How it really works. Yes, we know all about the neurons, synapses, and nerve impulses, oh, and who could forget about the hormones?

        You see, are we really nothing more than a bunch of chemicals? What is this "soul" we are presumed to have? I don't understand. It's like a paradox here.

        People, we creatures, go on and on in search of hopes and dreams and life's meaning when we don't even know what we are. Or who we are.

        We have emotions that are either matters of the heart and soul or a chemical imbalance. But, where is the line between science and religion? I strive to be a nurse one day. So, when we have brain surgery and come out with something like uncontrollable rage, does that mean it changed our souls? Or did it change the chemicals and hormones in our brains that makes us, well, us?

        If the brain is the chemical make-up of our personalities, where does this "soul" come in at? If all we are on the inside is a cage of meat, then when we die, are we just that, dead? Do we not go somewhere and dance on clouds? Are we only meant to go six-feet under and stay there?

      Who are we if not lumps of nothing more than a couple of periodic elements? I just don't get it. I wish someone had the answers to tell me. How are we expected to believe in something that contradicts our own existence? That contradicts what millions of experiments and studies have shown us?

        Why is everything so complicated? What's wrong with simple and clean? I hate the unknown, it scares me. I don't like the thought of death and  how its some big secret to life. Who are we, really?

       These are the things I think about in sub-rosa.


       Long time, no see - or write, whatever. Anyway, I wrote this in my writing journal a couple of days ago and suddenly remembered that I could post it on here. Welp, here it is. My totally controversial way of thinking. You're welcome.

                                        - Ayame


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