Midnight Thinking*

A "diary" about whatever I think of at night. Not exactly midnight, but you get the point. It can just be what I might be thinking at the end of the day because if I stayed up 'til midnight to write this every night I'd be in danger of some major sleep deprivation. In truth, I just liked the title (which may or may not end up being a book title of mine). Anyway, these thoughts could end up being as short as a sentence or as long as a few pages. So, enjoy my ramblings.


7. Look Your Fear in the Mouth


        Fear is such an annoying concept. I hate to be scared of something because usually I go and avoid said fear. I'm scared of the feeling of falling, so I don't go on roller coasters. I'm afraid of telling someone I like them, so I'm awkward and creepily stare at them from a distance. I'm afraid to try new things, so I stick to a routine.

        In short, my fears hold me back, and I let them.

        I'm afraid to try because I don't want to be let down. I'm already shy and introverted as it is so add in a mix of exaggerated and irrational fears, and you've got yourself a person who literally stays in their room most of the time.

        Personally, I've made it somewhat of a mission to find daring and adventurous friends because they'll always drag me down the rabbit hole with them. And sometimes their daring and adventurous ways rub off on me. I get loose around them and I feel unstoppable.

        But, when I'm alone, that sort of adrenaline stops. I become the same ol' me again. Don't get me wrong, I like who I am and I guess in a way I want to stay true to myself. But, I'd also like to be the free spirited person too. I try to be, I want to be. It's hard, you know?

        You want to be this brave person. You want to be a leader and make something of yourself. But instead you let your fears hold you back and keep yourself in that safe place. You don't take chances so that you don't make mistakes. You don't excel, you don't proceed to the big happy ending because you can't even work up the courage to talk to someone you like. You stay in your safe, little, happy bubble and block out the rest of the world.

        Fear is what holds you back. It holds all of us back and that's not living. I think I'll take the mainstream way of saying this and tell you that you ​only live once. ​So why not make it worth while? Fear doesn't need to be the thing holding you back, it needs to be the thing pushing you forward.

        Be afraid of what happens when you don't try. The person you'll become won't be happy. They'll be alone and sad because they were afraid to take the chance. They let their lives pass them by. Don't live an unjust life. Life a free one.

        Be who you want, do what you want because no one is there to do it for you. Set your fears aside and open up to what the world offers. Everything you want is on the other side of fear as said by Jack Canfield. You're only afraid of something until you do it...


         So just do it.

                     -- Ayame

        P.S. What are you afraid of?


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