Loving Ash

Bandfic for Fanfiction Royale

•BOOK 1 IN THE LOVING 5SOS SERIES•

Ashley Clifford spends her spare time coddling her camera and dancing to classic rock. After her high school boyfriend dumps her, she spends most of her time hiding out in her room and blasting pop breakup ballads. But what happens when her brother comes home? She hasn't seen him or his band in months.

Ashton Irwin spends his spare time banging on his drums or playing video games with his friends. Lately he's been hanging with his band, playing gigs all over. Returning home, he didn't expect to find Michael's little sister all grown up. And he definitely didn't expect her to join them on tour.

What happens when these two get put together in a small space? Will they bite each other's heads off, or will sparks fly?

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46. Chapter Forty-Five: I love you so fucking much

Chapter Forty-Five: I love you so fucking much

[ashley]

He was here. Everything around me seemed to disappear in that moment. He was right here, staring at me, singing to me.

All I could see at that moment was him standing up, the drumsticks slipping from his fingers as he made his way towards me. I was rooted to my spot, dead center at the front of the stage. His face was and emotionless mask, only his glossy eyes giving a hint at his emotions.

Each step that brought him closer to me had my head in a whirl of nerves. Why was he here? Was that song for me? Did he write that to tell me what he felt? If he did, oh god he's perfect.

He stopped in front of me, standing on the slightly raised stage. He was taller than me to begin with, so the two foot stage made it so I had to crane my head back to look at him. He was in a Captain America tank and a pair of black skinnies. His hair was pushed back by a black bandana, the curls falling every which way.

We stood there, staring at each other for a few moments. Neither of us said anything. His eyes never strayed from my face. It was as if he was studying my face, committing it to memory. I was frozen, staring at those deeply haunting eyes. Oh god how I had missed him.

"Hi," he mumbled, his voice husky. A shiver of delight raced down my spine at the sound of his voice. I hadn't heard him in two and a half weeks.

"Hey," I attempted to smile, but I'm sure it came out looking more like a grimace. My tears had mostly stopped, but my face was covered in the salty water. I bet I looked like the living dead.

"I'm sorry, Ashley," he whispered, his voice breaking on my name. I blinked in surprise. Before I could say anything though, his hand cupped my cheek and I shut my mouth tight. He stepped down, our chests almost touching now. I stared up at him dumbfounded. His eyes were the greenest I had ever seen them. "I'm so sorry, baby."

My hands clutched at his shirt. I wasn't sure if I wanted to push him away, or pull him closer. He had broken my heart. How could he be doing this to me? How could I let him?

"Ashton," I started, ready to tell him everything. I wanted to yell at him for sending me away. I wanted to ask him why he didn't stop me from leaving. I wanted to ask him why he never called me in the beginning. I wanted to know why he thought he could just come here and everything would be okay.

"No, Ashley," he cut me off before I could say anything else with a shake of his head. His arms snaked around my waist, keeping me close to him. "I don't expect you to forgive me that easily. I know I was an ass. What I did was a dick move, Ashy. I know that. I'm sorry I sent you away, and I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I'm sorry I didn't call you until recently. I wish I could take it all back. I wish we could go back to what we had."

I stood there, wrapped in his arms, speechless. He was apologizing for everything. For all of it. His eyes were so green and sad - the tears pooling at the corners slipping down his cheeks.

"I miss you," Ashton admitted, pressing his forehead to mine. His eyes closed briefly, the guilt and pain hiding behind the lids. "I miss your cold toes on my legs when we cuddle in your bed. I miss holding you when you sleep. I miss your laughter and your stupid jokes. I miss you're stupid romance movies and cheesy tv shows. I miss holding your hand and kissing you for no reason. I miss the way your nose crinkles when you're confused or upset. I miss the silly conversations we have when you're asleep. I miss the smell of your perfume on my pillows. But mostly, Ashley, I miss the way I feel when I'm with you."

My heart had stopped, I swear it had. I couldn't breathe and the hummingbirds in my stomach were having a high school party - and everyone seemed to be invited.

"I love you, Ashley Mae," his words were whispered against my lips, his soft lips just barely touching mine. My breath hitched in my throat. I never thought I'd hear him say that again. "I love you so fucking much, and it's killing me being away from you."

Even after everything that had happened, after all the tears and misunderstandings, I still felt the same way. Without thinking about it, I wrapped my arm around the back of his neck and pulled him to me. My lips met his in a desperate and needy kiss.

The feel of his slightly chapped lips against mine was familiar, comforting. It had been almost a month since we had kissed last, yet it felt natural. It was as if we hadn't been away from each other at all. And I love it. I gently bit his bottom lip before pulling away, his lips following me. Our eyes fluttered open, our breathing heavy as we stared at each other.

"I love you, Ashton," I whispered, my lips forming the words easily - almost like I had said it a million times. A brilliant smile appeared on his face, his arms tightening around me as he kissed me again.

I was in love and nothing was going to change that.

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