❦Coffee and Talks ➺Tyler Joseph

❝ Amber-Rose ? I-i'm worried about you..❝

❝ Oh , But there's nothing to worry about . I will keep her safe and sound ! ❝

©laneboydoubts 2015


9. 8 ✘


A m b e r - R o s e


* triggering up ahead *

After the dinner , I stayes in my room , blasting music to try and firget about everything that happened . Good thing that after I passed out , I woke up a good 5 minutes after with a bruise on my right side . Nothing that had me going to the hospital .

I did feel like my heart was broken into a million pieces . I still can't believe he would do that do me . Treated me so sweet , making me fall harder for him every second that passed , taking my breath away . For nothing . Absolutely nothing .

I hate myself . I disgust myself .

I stared at the razor in my hands . All sorts of crazy thoughts running through my head .

You're Worthless trash to him . Nothing that he would work hard for . Plus , you're not as beautiful as Jenna . She is the definiton of true beauty .

You're fat . Eat less , fatass .

I sobbed quietly , knowing that all the things my other half said . I was fat and I was worthless , Trash that falls for every guy she meets .

I didn't want to hurt myself . I was scared and confused , needing for someone to hold me tight and never let me go . I don't want to cut , I want to be happy and healthy .

All the bad things in my life popped in my head , reminding me how worthless I was , my parents don't even care for me , so why live ? Why pretend like I'm happy ?!

Before I knew it , I was already cutting .

My thighs and wrists ached badly , ruby colored liquid pouring out of the many little lines I made . I sighed , feeling much better from all the stress in my life . All the hurtful words , thoughts , people , things , myself .

I stared at the small pool of blood on the floor , not affected one bit by it . I've done this for as long as I can remember . I was clean for a good year . Now I'm at 0 all over again .

I weakly grabbed some paper and bleach , and cleaned the small pool before anyone found out of my secret . standing up , I made the tub and added bubbles since they relaxed me for some reason .

Hissing as my clothes scraped on my freshly made cuts , I softly sat down on the tub and watched as the water turned crimson in less than 10 seconds . I was still aching painfully just thinking about Tyler and Jenna . They are definately made for each other . Both gorgeous and flawless .

I closed my eyes and pulled myself under water . I could feel myself having issues breathing , but I needed this. It helps more than to cut and hurt myself physically . I shot up not able to handle pain anymore and pulled my legs up to my chest .

Be strong , Amber-Rose . For yourself . Please be strong . "

I rocked myself back and forth softly , blocking everything and just going blank to all expression and feelings .

trigger warning over . *

I woke up due to a buzzing sound reaching my ears . I glanced at my phone and shit me not , I saw more than fifty messages and voicemails . From Tyler .

I scrolled through them and.locked my Iphone , placing it back on my night stand and getting up for school . I showered as quickly as I could due to the healing cuts on my thighs and wrists , those areas being extremly sensitive at the moment .

I slipped on a pair of high waisted boyfriend jeans and a soft , pastel pink crop top that had full sleeves . I re-tied my converse and headed downstairs to go get something to eat . I don't think I'm ready to come face to face with Tyler . I'm too hurt and stressed due to everything happening .

I parked my car in one of my usual parking spots and got out , unaware of the familiar person making their way towards me .

Josh gave me a sweet hug and asked me how I was doing . I replied with a short ' I'm okay . Could be better though ' and changed the short topic as fast as I could .

" I know what happened on the weekend Amber-Rose . It was dumb for Him to do what he did , but don't hate on him . He's even more fragile than you think . He could snap any second and do something that he and others will both regret heavily . "

My lip quivered and I quickly left his side and to the bathroom where I gripped my hands on the bathroom sink and glared at myself .

Why do I always cause loved ones harm ?

Why am I such an asshole ?

Why am I like this ?

My fist suddenly flew up and rammed with the mirror , colliding with a nasty sound . Glass shattered everywhere and fell into the bathroom sink .

I stared at my bloody , possibly broken knuckles numb everywhere. Sometime through all the dazed examining I did , I let out some type of miniscule noise once I s
tarted feeling the pain of the impact .

I quickly dashed out of the bathroom and down the hall to the double halls when I was stopped .

" Amber-Rose ? I've been trying to make sure you are okay . Why aren't you answering my calls and messages ? "

I glared at the wall to my left and scoffed , turning back to him .

" You know why , Tyler . Oh ! There she is . Wow . What a coinsidence , Jenna ! How have you been ? "

She stopped next to him and glared at me . I did the same and turned to Tyler .

" Look , I have my reasons as to why I don't answer your calls or texts . "

He threw me a confused , yet hurt/scared look and scanned my body , stopping at the bloody Knuckle . A gasp stifled from his mouth and he took a couple of steps forward until he was in front of me , making sure that my knuckle was good .

" Amber-Rose ? I-i'm worried about you.. "

I glanced up and threw him a smile , one that must have been weird or creepy or something because fear instantly flashed through his eyes .

" Oh , But there's nothing to worry about ! I will keep her safe and sound ! "

The pitch in my voice was deeper , darker , evil . I was more than scared now . I was terrified .

This isn't myself . I am not acting like this ! I feel controlled , numb , unemotional .

" I " grinned at him and walked away , unemotional , and still numb all over. As if I were being controlled by something .

I could hear him calling from behind him , but I couldn't turn , I could only "walk" to the car and act as If i were pissed at him .

What have I done to myself...

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