A Raven Cycle AU. The rating is for the occasional swear and abuse. This is an alternate universe in which Ronan and Adam get together in the first Raven Cycle book.


7. My Thoughts are Stars I Can't Fathom into Constellations


I sat in Noah's sterile room, trying to focus on the make-up work in front of me instead of the fact that Ronan was sleeping right next door. Noah had "let me borrow" his room while he decided to disappear for a few days. He said he was visiting family, and no one seemed to question this. I was on Latin, trying to make the foreign words translate in my mind, but all I got back was static.

I could ask Ronan for help...

But I hadn't talked to him since what happened earlier in my room. I still didn't even know the reason for my sudden-yet-organized kidnapping, but I was honestly too chicken to ask. I hadn't seen my father that angry since one of my grade-school teachers asked why I had so many bruises. Of course it was my fault that she had seen them, and I was pulled out of that school the next week. I couldn't walk for days.

I groaned as misinterpreted yet another word, causing the entire sentence to be a jumbled mess.

This isn't making sense to me right now!

But I needed to finish it. Because tomorrow was the weekend, I had to work triple shifts at the trailer factory. There was no way I'd be able to do it any other time. I'd have to ask Ronan for help.



I thought I must be dreaming when a light knock echoed through my room at...eleven-fifty-six at night. Chainsaw had already found her spot by my head on the pillow and was fast asleep.

This must be retribution for waking Adam up so early this morning... I thought begrudgingly. I knew it must have been Gansey, checking to make sure my alcohol content stayed lower than my IQ. When I gave no answer- the universal sign for go away- the door swung silently open, and Adam stood shifting uncomfortably in the now open doorway. Nothing registered but the uneasy hand that scratched his pale head.

No, this is much more cruel than retribution...

Because if this was a dream, then Adam would break again, and I wouldn't be able to stop it. I stood slowly, unsure of the look in Adam's eyes. They looked confused- conflicted- but I didn't know why.


He closed the door behind him and took a deep breath.

"I...I need help..."

English. He was speaking English, wasn't he? So this couldn't be one of my dreams. Which meant Adam was standing in front of me.

Please don't mention this morning, I pleaded in my head. On the surface, I kept a blank expression.

"I..." Adam swallowed deeply, and I knew his pride was a part of that. I had never heard him ask for help before, especially from me. "I can't understand this Latin homework... Can you help?"

I nodded because I was too stunned to speak.

We worked on my bed because my desk was made for one. Chainsaw gave a light kaw when Adam sat near her. She was getting bigger and becoming territorial, but she was used to Adam enough that she only had mild distaste for her space being invaded.

Adam drifted closer to me as the night went on until we were almost shoulder to shoulder, and I couldn't help inhaling his scent. He smelled amazing, but I couldn't figure out what the smell actually was.

"Ronan? Vis audire?"

I blinked. Had I fallen asleep? It had to be around one in the morning now...

"Amen es? Quaerere..."

I leaned closer. If it was a dream, I'd be the only one hurt by my actions.

"Hoc malum est?" I asked before I gently brushed my lips against his.

"Quid est?" Adam whispered nervously before closing his eyes.

I kissed him, and suddenly I knew. This wasn't a dream. I was kissing Adam and-

I pulled away.

Adam's eyes were filled with mixed emotions. Hurt and fear were the only two I caught before he ran out of the room. I heard Noah's door close seconds later.

I am so fucking stupid! I groaned inwardly. I noticed Adam's work still resting on my bed. He had finished, but had left it in his rush. I needed to give it back.

And apologize at least.

But I didn't lie, and I couldn't apologize for a kiss I didn't regret. Instead I walked out of my room and stood in front of the door that stood between Adam and me.

Knock. Just knock and him the stupid papers.

But I couldn't even do that.

Instead, I rested my forehead on the door, reliving the best moment in my life before I ruined it. I wrote on his homework the words I couldn't figure out explain to him earlier.

We blew up your dad's truck.



I saw Adam run out of Ronan's room, and then minutes later Ronan followed, as I feigned sleep. I figured if I faked it, sleep might actually come, but so far all I managed was to become confused. I saw Ronan lean his forehead against Noah's door and write something on a piece of paper before leaving it on the floor and returning to his room. It was one-thirty in the morning and I couldn't figure out why Adam would be in Ronan's room this late anyways.

Curiosity pulled me toward the paper. I couldn't help it, and it seemed like neither Ronan nor Adam were coming out of their respective rooms anytime soon.

We blew up your dad's truck.

I sighed. Adam was bound to figure it out at some point, and maybe if he read it, his reaction would be muted and he'd be more reasonable when he talked to us.

Sure, Gansey, old boy, and Helen will get married and Ronan will be sainted.

I knocked on the door before returning to bed. I was asleep before I could see if Adam ever opened the door or not.

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