Broken

A Raven Cycle AU. The rating is for the occasional swear and abuse. This is an alternate universe in which Ronan and Adam get together in the first Raven Cycle book.

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11. Honesty

Adam

Blue was smiling as she came in. Her choppy black hair was styled in a cute way, and she still looked pretty to me. I didn't understand completely what was going on in my heart, but I knew it wasn't the same as when Ronan walked near me. It wasn't the same as when Ronan talked to me. It wasn't the same as when Ronan kissed me.

"I'm glad you're awake," she smiled, relief clearly on her face. Guilt washed over me, but I'd rather tell her now than let her find out some other way.

She suddenly had a weird look on her face, and I realized she'd asked me something.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "What did you say?"

"I said that Gansey, Noah, and I are going up in a helicopter today after school. I wish you were coming with us."

I don't, I thought quickly. Heights weren't really my thing. Then something she said clicked, and it bothered me that it was my first thought.

"Um...Ronan...He isn't going too?"

Blue grimaced at his name.

"Ronan is in the hall, pacing around and snapping at people like a child," she stated like a disappointed mother. Still, the thought of Ronan near made me smile despite myself. That smile quickly faded as I wondered what he knew. Last night was a blur, and I could only recall fragments of what happened. It was like watching a scratched DVD. Nothing really made sense.

I remembered walking through the door of the trailer- then bleeding on the floor- then screaming at my dad that I hated him- then being pinned against the wall- then laughing and telling him I liked Ronan- then Ronan driving...

And then waking up here.

I admitted it...

The thought made me almost giddy, until the realization that Blue was still there, waiting for something that I doubted I would ever be able to give her. I sighed and I opened my mouth to speak.

"-Adam, what do we have?"

I stared at her, my mouth still open. I hadn't expected that, and by the look on her face, neither had she.

"I mean, I know it's not like I have a lot of experience in dating but...it seems like we're more like friends than..."

She didn't name whatever we had, and I was grateful for that. I closed my eyes and wondered how far I could press myself into my pillow. I let out a long breath, remaining silent. Thinking.

"I know this isn't something I should have brought up while you were in the hospital, but...When I found out you were in here, I was the last to know. I was told by Orla that my- that you were hospitalized."

I noted an emotion in her voice that wasn't anger or hurt...It sounded like jealousy. To that, I opened my eyes, and I looked at her. I really looked at her.

Blue was short, with gentle features that were normally hidden by her sharp words- mind you never as sharp as Ronan's, but often I thought that they could be real friends if they stopped insulting one another. Her black hair was uniquely cut, and her eyes were piercing. She looked like someone who wanted answers. I didn't have any. At least, none that she wanted to hear.

"Adam...are we ever going to be anything? Anything more than just Blue and Adam?"

What could we have ever been? I wondered. If not for Ronan, there might have been someone else. Gansey maybe? No, he was like a brother or a father. And Noah was like that weird little brother that always hung around even if you didn't want him to, but loved him regardless. But Ronan...

"I guess not..." I admitted, and flinched when I heard the sharp intake of breath Blue gave before I saw her nod. I looked to see those piercing eyes turned dull by the threat of tears, and guilt floored me hard.

But what did she expect? I asked myself as she turned from me to wipe her face.

"There's someone else, isn't there?" She asked, her voice a careful neutral.

Was Ronan someone else?

No. He was the only one.

Blue nodded, as if reading my thoughts, and I raised a curious eyebrow. She gave a shaky laugh and sniffed.

"Adam, you know what my family's like. I always have to keep an open mind."

I stared at her, trying to process what she was saying. My brain wasn't moving fast enough as she headed to the door, her hand on the knob.

"I'm sorry," was all I could choke out. She shook her head, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"Don't be. I hope you're happy, Adam. You deserve to be, you know," she stated, and left.

*

Gansey

I shouldn't have come today, I thought plainly as I sat in Latin. Whelk was conjugating the Latin for "to cry" and the thought just kept running through my mind. What kind of friend was I? One of my best friends was in the hospital, and I was sitting in class, jotting down notes like everyone else. Everyone who didn't know Adam. Everyone who could have cared less if a kid from a trailer had almost died. Everyone wh-

"Mr. Gansey, it would help you more to pay attention," Whelk stated snidely.

I thought about replying, but couldn't think of anything witty in Latin, and in English it wouldn't have the same effect.

"Quid igitur vis fieri?" I sighed.

I saw Whelk physically twitch, but he remained silent and continued to teach, everyone else seemingly oblivious.

I should have stayed at the hospital, I sighed uselessly.

I noticed Whelk sneaking glances at me every so often, and I remembered Adam's idea that someone was watching our movements. I had thought he had been paranoid but...

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

The class ended and I gathered my books, making sure to put my journal at the bottom of my bag so there was no chance of it being stolen. Whelk kept his back to me, and I realized I was being ridiculous. No one but us were even interested in the ley lines and Glendower. What would a Latin teacher even want with an ancient Welsh king?

I was being ridiculous and I needed to get back to the hospital before we went up in the helicopter.

*

Noah

MURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDEREDMURDERED

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