Broken

A Raven Cycle AU. The rating is for the occasional swear and abuse. This is an alternate universe in which Ronan and Adam get together in the first Raven Cycle book.

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12. Charcoal and Sepia

Ronan

I watched Adam as he slept. Blue and Noah had already left to ride in the helicopter, but I had decided to stay with him. No one needed to be alone in a hospital. Especially not Adam.

I watched as he breathed slowly and deeply, and guilt washed over me. If I had just answered my phone-

You couldn't have stopped him.

No one could make Adam Parrish change his mind, even if he knew the consequences of the decision. But that didn't stop me from wishing I had tried. I shook my head, forcing my thoughts to focus on something else.

What did Adam mean when he said that he'd told his father? Told him what exactly?

A million thoughts flew through my mind as I wondered this. Did he tell him about the kiss? Did he tell him he was going to move out? Did he tell him to go to hell?

I sighed. Thinking about it wouldn't give me an answer, so I went back to my past-time of watching Adam sleep.

My mind drifted again. I wondered what happened between him and Blue. Not that I really cared if she cried, I did care if she'd hurt Adam. He had been sleeping since Gansey had left after delivering the missed work, and I hadn't had a chance to ask about it. I doubted he would even tell me if I asked. I wasn't even sure if he'd forgiven me for the kiss yet. He wouldn't trust me with girl problems.

"Mm...Ronan?"

I nearly jumped at the quiet croak of Adam's voice. His eyes were watching me carefully, like he was calculating something about me. I tried to keep my expression blank.

"What time is it?" he asked, which was the last thing I'd expected him to say. I looked at the clock over his bed.

"A little past five," I replied simply.

"So the others are already gone? Blue...?"

I nodded, and he seemed to physically relax.

"When can I go ho- get out of here?" he asked carefully.

"The doctor said that you'd be released tomorrow. They want to keep you overnight for observation."

There was a long silence before Adam spoke again.

"I can't go back there..."

The pain in those five words was enough to bring back the anger that I had fought back when I had went to his house. I clenched my jaw to keep from saying something that I might regret. I was sick of Adam getting angry at me, and now wasn't the time to question why he'd gone back in the first place.

"Will you come to Monmouth then?" I asked, speaking slowly. I chose each word carefully, and made sure my voice sounded neutral.

"...I don't want to," he mumbled, his voice cracking slightly. "But I guess I don't really have a choice."

I stood and walked over to sit beside Adam on his bed.

"Don't," I glared. "You always have a choice. Just because it isn't something you want, never say you don't have a choice. You could choose to live on the street."

Adam glared back.

"And what would you care?" he snapped angrily. I didn't back down.

"Are you serious? Have you honestly not noticed how I feel about you?" I growled. Something flickered across Adam's eyes before they were again filled with anger.

"What I noticed Ronan Lynch, is that when you kissed me, you pulled away. I noticed that you hardly ever have anything nice to say to me at all. I noti-"

I chose then to smash my mouth against his. I didn't give him a chance to protest as I ran a careful hand through his hair and pulled him closer. His eyes fluttered closed and he gave a low moan that drove me insane. I licked and nibbled his bottom lip until he opened his mouth, giving me access. I felt his hands snake up my back and tangle in my shirt before he pulled me back and took a shaky breath. I couldn't help but think he was beautiful- even with the bruises and the bandages. Adam was always beautiful.

"I didn't pull away because I didn't feel anything," I huffed, also out of breath. "I did it because I didn't want to hurt you."

Adam studied my eyes, and I hoped he could see the honesty there. That he could see the love. I didn't really expect an answer, but his silence was starting to make a cold chill run down my spine.

"Ronan..."

He averted his gaze from me, not helping the uneasiness running through me.

"I...I don't think I'm gay..."

I immediately readied myself for what was about to come. I had just ruined a perfectly good friendship with Adam-

"But I know that I like you. I don't know if it's love... I don't really know what that feels like... But I do know that I like it when you kiss me...and I like when you say my name...and I like when you touch me..."

I smiled, and Adam blushed. I felt too relieved to even reply, so I just kissed him again, this time more aware of the fact that he was still hurt.

"Then does this mean you forgive me for the truck thing?" I grinned when we needed air again.

He smirked, and it reminded me of one of mine.

"He deserved worse. I just wish he would have been in it."

He became serious again and stared at me intently.

"Ronan...What will we be?"

I didn't hesitate. There was no need to.

"Happy."

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