Anonymous

a Collection of short erotica, not meant for everyone. Read with caution. Trigger warnings in effect. I would also like to add, that everything I write is done with consenting adults. I do not condone rape or agree with anything about the rape culture. Please read authors note.

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13. I was 19 when I lost my Virginity

I was 19 years old, fresh faced and for the first time outside of the house on my own for any length of time. A little bit of back ground, the way I was raised about Sex was through ignorance. My Adoptive mother never once spoke to me about it, she used to tell us she wanted grand kids, but sex was "bad" so you shouldn't do it. A real mind fuck. When my sister started wearing make up, she started calling her a whore.

I wasn't overly sexual as a child, I didn't have the urges that other's had, yet I did have multiple crushes on girls in school so I knew I wasn't Asexual. But I didn't have a need for sex, I don't know if that is overly common, I haven't asked a lot of questions over all about people early sexual experiences. I did not view it as odd, it was just me.

It wasn't until I went into boot camp that I started to really hear about other people's sexual encounters (Mostly the female segment). I started to realize that out of everyone in the company you could count the amount of virgins on one hand, I started to wonder if it was weird that I still had mine yet at the same time I was secure in my virgin status. I wasn't ready yet to loose it.

It wasn't until I hit AIT that I started noticing people...comment and jokingly mention how I should get a boob reduction, or find a way to touch my boobs by accident or just talk about what they wanted to do with them. I was uncomfortable, for the first time I was sexualized and I did not like it. It embarrassed me, made me feel pretty damn shameful about something I could not help.

During my time there...I met two people who had an interest in me. One was in a different training company, the other was with in my company. The first was...experienced, a few years older than me (How many I don't know), the other was only a year older, I don't believe he was even 21. The first kept pushing me into having sex, I would say yes, and then change my mind because something told me it was wrong. When ever I said "No" he would then call me cold and distant, until I finally told him I wasn't ready for a relationship.

The second, was sweet. He had the backing of two of my friends who assured me he liked me. I didn't realize he wanted me as well, in a sexual manner. I thought he was sweet, the way he would steal kisses, how he would always give me a good night kiss. How he would stutter through telling me he liked me. I thought he was Sweet, I didn't realize how he would reject me once he got what he wanted.

When I gave him what he wanted (behind a bush no less), he moved on...well not so much moved on as what is now called ghosting. I didn't realize until more recently that I was nothing but a conquest for him. I gave him my virginity, he did nothing to prepare me for that....Would I call it rape? No because I gave him a clear yes, would I call it harassment? No. If I had the chance would I do it all over in the same way? No.

I honestly would have rather kept my virginity and given it to some one who actually took the time to care for me. I would have kept it in tact until I found some one more mature, who would have helped me through it, even the after math of walking into the shower, stripping, and seeing the blood on my underwear. Some one who would have held me while I asked myself wtf did I just do? For loosing my V card to some one who was a virtual stranger, I did not have the after care I needed. After the deed was done, I got up on my own, I walked into the showers on my own, I stripped and cleaned myself on my own. I remember having a sense of numbness and having a feeling of Fuck what did I just do?

I know now, looking back at it, I would have much rather have had an older experienced partner. Some one who would have taken care of me, explained what was going on (I did know, after all I did take both health and biology classes, but it still doesn't give you the experience to deal with it in real life, also school doesn't teach you how painful it is). I know now, after years to think it over, that doing it with some one close to my age was the Wrong decision.

Thank God I never tried anal with some one who had no experience with it, I would have severely hurt myself. I was lucky with my currenter Ex (I know it's not a word), that while he was emotionally and verbally abusive, when it came to sex, he was very careful. He was the one who taught me to use lube with anal, he showed me how to practice, how to take the right precautions. If I had picked some one closer to that when I lost my Virginity, I'd most likely be less bitter about the way it ended to be honest.

Some times the best thing a young girl/guy can do IS go to an older male or female figure and get the experience they need. Often times those who are their age do not have the proper care of guidance to help some one through their first time. It is NOT predatory behavior automatically just because some one is older then a certain number. Stop knocking young girls who are smart enough to realize that they need some one with more experience and more maturity to handle their sexual needs than those their own age.

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