Open up to Me

Castiel is afraid to leave the house. His therapist and brother help him to make friends, resulting in meeting Dean, a shy mute, who might just be the only one capable of getting him to come out of his shell. | a Destiel fanfic with some Sabriel on the side | 39694 words |


7. Chapter 6

Open up to Me

Chapter 6


38 minutes had gone by. Dean had more or less resorted to the occasional sob. The sound felt odd to listen too. Especially since Dean was mute. Well... selective mute seemed more logical with this newfound information. Trauma being the most likely cause, Castiel concluded. The noise made him wince every time. Dean was a gentle, loving man. A smile usually across his lips despite his lack of voice to express such emotion. So to hear Dean make sounds of distress and horror made Castiel's chest tighten and his own tears fall.

He'd been holding Dean like this for the past 39 minutes, now. With the other's face buried in his chest and his own hand resting against Dean's back, rubbing small circles there. He could feel Dean's own hand fisting and unfisting lightly against his shirt as he soaked the front of his shirt with his tears.

But Castiel didn't seem to mind very much. It all seemed worth it once Dean looked up slowly with a small timid smile, his way of saying thanks. "You wanna get out from under the bed?" Castiel asked gently beginning to get uncomfortable lying on the floor with Dean lying half on top of him.

Dean shook his head and gripped hold of Castiel's shirt a little tighter. Castiel bit his lip, moving his arm up and down Dean's back a little faster. As if it would make a difference. "Okay. We'll stay here," he said, the nod implied in his tone of voice. "How about we make it a little more comfy under here?"

Dean looked confused but Castiel smiled shyly, moving out from beneath the bed carefully. He could practically feel the scared look Dean threw his way. He popped his head back under the bed quickly. "I'm right here, Dean. I-I'm just getting something." He rummaged around the tidy bedroom, pulling out a blue bed sheet from the bottom of his wardrobe.

Why blue? Castiel had a theory. He'd noticed a pattern in Dean's choice in colours. Blue. Everything seemed to involve something blue. It wasn't until he read Dean's letter that it struck him why. Dean had mentioned his mom's blue slippers being the last he saw of her. He'd been subconsciously trying to connect with her all this time.

He silently thanked Sam for helping him do all those exercises to help him associate his observations with the way other's functioned. Obviously he didn't get out much. So both Gabriel and Sam had taught him about human behaviour and what was considered normal. He guessed it came in handy now as he felt strangely confident that he'd be able to make Dean feel better.

Perhaps the colour made him feel safe. He supposed so because when he hung the item from his desk chair to his bed, Dean carefully popped his head out to observe the material that now shielded them away from the rest of the room.

Castiel smiled a little, watching Dean's watery eyes widen in curiosity. It saddened Castiel to think maybe Dean's life was more complicated than first imagined. He didn't have any parents. Probably spent most his life in a foster home. Castiel wondered whether Dean had ever made a den before.

He continued to get pillows and blankets and anything comfortable enough to lie on and arranged them beneath the sheet for himself and Dean to lie on. After admiring his work for a moment, Castiel slid underneath and rested up against a pillow and looked over at Dean who was still half way under the bed.

"See? Much nicer," he said with a small smile. He tentatively reached out his hand for Dean, a bold move on his account but Dean needed him right now. He needed to know he was safe here.

Dean blushed, looking at the hand and crawled a little further back under the bed. He wasn't crying anymore but he still looked like a frightened little boy. He carefully signed to Castiel, turning red as he did so.

Can we cuddle?

Castiel blinked. He hadn't really thought about it. He just assumed Dean would want to. He hadn't made it a big thing. Perhaps he should have. It's a big step in initiating trust. How could he be so okay with this? He barely hugged Gabriel. He didn't like contact but with Dean it seemed different. It didn't seem forced upon him. It was just there if he wanted it. And he did. He smiled shyly and nodded, still holding his hand out for Dean.

Dean carefully came out from under the bed and crawled up next to Castiel beneath the blanket fort. It was much comfier, he thought as he snuggled up by Castiel's side carefully. He felt safe here. It was warm and soft and a lot more light could come through than from under the bed. He liked it. He smiled at Castiel, eyes softening as he took in his surroundings.

Castiel watched Dean carefully. He was really beginning to wonder whether Dean had ever been in one of these before. "I-I-I used to make these with Gabriel," he whispered, not wanting to startle Dean. "When I got upset, I'd lock myself away in one of these where no one could disturb me." He wasn't sure why he was telling Dean this. Maybe he felt guilty because Dean had shared so much and exposed himself. Where Castiel had not at all.

Dean let out a small breath in contentment, close to a sigh. His eyes were closed and he was smiling happily, lying there next to Castiel. Just listening to him talk. Castiel spoke a little of his childhood. Nothing major. Just a few stories. Happy ones. To keep Dean's mood from tipping back over. He didn't want that. He couldn't bare to see Dean look that upset again.

It wasn't until he'd finished his story, did he realize just how close Dean was to him. His friend's head rest on the pillow next to him, their noses almost touched when Castiel turned his head to face him. He wished he hadn't done that. His face burnt red. His body felt like it was on fire. He couldn't breathe. He was too close and yet... not close enough. He had no idea what was happening and that scared him. A lot.

"I-I-I have some chocolate milk still left in the fridge. You want some?" he asked, ignoring how breathless his voice sounded. He hoped he could escape this situation before he could work out what was happening.

Dean seemed amused. He gave his usual bashful smile which made Castiel's stomach do flips. Dean's lips mouthed 'no' before his whole body tipped forward just enough so he could press a light kiss to Castiel's lips.

"O-Or I've got tea," Castiel offered, trying to pretend what just happened didn't happen. He wasn't quite sure how to process it so he went for ignoring it all together. "Tea is always good."

Dean's smile faltered a little. His hand hesitated, wondering whether he should reach out for Castiel or not. He looked at Castiel curiously. Had he read him wrong? Did he not like him? He watched as Castiel suddenly moved away, muttering about different teas. He suddenly felt like a complete idiot. He shouldn't have kissed him. Castiel was the best friend he'd never had and he'd blown it already. He huffed his frustrations into the pillow which smelled all too much like Castiel. He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and just like Castiel, pretended that that never happened.

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