Open up to Me

Castiel is afraid to leave the house. His therapist and brother help him to make friends, resulting in meeting Dean, a shy mute, who might just be the only one capable of getting him to come out of his shell. | a Destiel fanfic with some Sabriel on the side | 39694 words |

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6. Chapter 5

Open up to Me

Chapter 5

 

"I know," Castiel deadpanned, a slightly perplexed look crossed his face. Did he really think he didn't know? Gabriel had just come over, donuts in hand. It was only when he spotted the extra cream filled, chocolate frosting supreme, did Castiel know his brother had something important to say. He only bought them for Castiel on special occasions. Or when he'd broken something. He also noticed the cherry flavoured lollipop switching absently between Gabriel's hand and mouth as he spoke. A nervous habit of his brother's. A gesture he'd used to appear casual and collective. However, Castiel knew differently.

"You... you know?" Gabriel blinked, lollipop slipping from his fingers as he pulled it out of his mouth. The candy know stuck to the fabric of his pants. Castiel winced, fingers twitching as he tried not to mention it, seeing as his brother hadn't seemed to notice with the way he was still staring at him.

"Yes," he nodded simply but the look Gabriel continued to give him indicated he should continue speaking. "You think just because you take your ring off I can't tell my own brother is engaged?" He indicated towards the faint tan line on Gabriel's finger. There was a small smile on his lips as he spoke. A smile Gabriel returned until the two began to chuckle softly. Castiel's head turned away as he tried to hide his smile. Castiel noticed everything. It'd surprised him Gabriel hadn't realized this sooner.

"Man. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just thought you would get all, well... you, about it."

Castiel nodded slowly. "I understand," he said quietly. He'd been trying recently. Really trying to get better. He'd almost gone out into the garden last week but had broken down when he opened the door. It never used to be like this. Castiel used to be better. He'd still stay indoors most of the time but he was still able to go out to familiar places that he was comfortable with. But over time things just progressed backwards until he found it harder and harder to go outside again. He didn't mind. He liked his home. He just wished sometimes he could be normal. Do things normal people did. Especially seeing as his brother would no doubt be getting married soon.

"I... I want to attend," he said, daring to look up at Gabriel with a wary smile.

"Cas..." Gabriel began with a soft look. Castiel stopped him, shaking his head.

"Don't. This is an important part of your life. I-I wish to witness it first hand. And not from some videotape."

Gabriel gave a small smile and carefully reached out for Castiel's hand. "I'll understand if you can't."

Castiel looked at their hands and nodded slowly. "I know. But I want to try."

Things seemed less tense after that. They ate donuts in companionable silence. A short time later, Castiel's cell rang out. He frowned, looking at Gabriel. His brother was already here. Sam didn't have an appointment booked with him for another week. That could only mean...

Dean.

His smile broke out as he quickly ran from the room and into the kitchen where he'd left the device. He pressed a button to bring up the message and read it promptly. His smile faltered, biting his lip worryingly as he reread the message twice. Dean sounded upset. It took a few more minutes for Castiel to realize what was wrong. If Gabriel had confronted him then it only seemed logical Sam had confronted Dean. Perhaps he wasn't taking the news as well.

When Castiel returned a text letting Dean know he could come over for donuts Castiel realized something. Dean's abrupt visit didn't bother him. He didn't feel the need to clean his house three times or breathe into a paper bag until anxiety consumed him. He felt fine. Oh God, what was happening to him? What was Dean doing to him? The fact he felt fine panicked him more than the thing that should have caused him to panic in the first place.

He absently walked back into the main room. Gabriel following him with his eyes, cream spread around his mouth as he chomped greedily on his third donut. Despite how much he'd protest Castiel knew Gabriel had snuck a second whilst he was in the other room. He sat down on the couch, still silent. His phone still clutched in his hand.

"Cas?" Gabriel asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Dean's coming over," he said to the open box of donuts. He could hear Gabriel almost choke on his food.

"D-Dean?" he spluttered, still trying to breathe. Castiel tapped his back gently before rubbing clinical but smooth circles into his back. Gabriel gave him a look of thanks before continuing. "Sam never said. Are you sure you're okay with that?"

Castiel nodded simply, blushing a little. "He's nice."

Gabriel gave him a strange look, trying to read his brother's expression. "Holy crap. You like him."

It wasn't a question. Castiel remained quiet as he inspected his fingernails absently.

"You do," Gabriel said, voice growing in volume and excitement as Castiel's silence gave him his answer.

"He knows what it's like to struggle," Castiel said simply, wishing his brother would stop talking about liking Dean. He wasn't sure what his brother meant by that but it made him uncomfortable. "It's nice to know I'm not alone."

Something in Gabriel's teasing expression changed. Became more serious. He swallowed. Nodding slowly before wiping the crumbs from his lap and stood. "Alright. I'll give you guys your space. I'm gonna go to work. Just call me if you need me, okay?"

Castiel nodded, promising to call just like always. Gabriel soon left, despite his obvious hesitance. He was probably curious to see what exactly was happening between his little brother and Dean. If he were honest, Castiel would like to know too.

26 minutes after Gabriel had left, a light tap hit the door thrice. Castiel went to the window, peered through the curtain before opening the door a crack to reveal a dishevelled Dean on the other side. His blue scarf wrapped messily around his neck, covering half his face. He quickly opened the door and ushered Dean inside without a word. Dean looked nervous and... guilty?

I didn't mean to disturb you.

Dean's hands were shaking and Castiel's eyes widened. He carefully rested his fingers over Dean's, hoping to still them like Dean had when Castiel felt anxious. "It's okay. I-I'm here for you, Dean," he said, trying to keep his voice smooth and calm for Dean's sake as much as his own. He walked him through to the other room and offered him a donut but he politely declined as he sat in what he'd come to class as 'his spot' on the couch.

Castiel sat in his own spot. He counted to ten before trying to speak, hoping he could maintain himself enough to comfort Dean. He didn't want to burden Dean with his worries when the man had come here to seek comfort. "Tell me what happened," he ordered gently.

Sam told me about him and Gabriel

Dean looked at Castiel for a moment to make sure he knew before continuing. When the other man nodded, Dean took a breath and continued to fumble with his hands as he signed frantically.

It brought up a lot of old memories.

Dean wouldn't meet Castiel's eyes and he began to worry. He bit his lip and tried holding Dean's hand again. That seemed to do something as the mute looked up with watery eyes. "Maybe... if you want," he said slowly, squeezing Dean's hand lightly. "You could tell me about it? Y-You don't have to let it consume you like this."

Dean shook his head, biting his lip. He couldn't. It hurt too much. He wished at times like this he had a voice. He wished he could tell someone without having to look at them. He wished he could talk this through on the phone without being in the same room as someone. He didn't want to look at Castiel whilst he told him his story. He didn't want to see just how much it hurt him.

Castiel squeezed his hand again, wiping away a tear from the other's cheek without even thinking.

"M-Maybe.. a letter? You could write it down. Would that work? I'd hate to see you put yourself through this alone, Dean. We've got each other now. I-It doesn't have to be that way anymore."

Despite himself, Dean felt a surge of warmth spread through him. Castiel wanted to know. Wanted to be let in and the scary part was, Dean was actually considering it. He nodded timidly, looking at their hands and Castiel carefully pulled away to get some paper and a pen. He soon returned and handed the items to Dean.

"I'll go make some tea," Castiel said quietly, figuring Dean might want some time to himself to work out how he was going to write what was bothering him. Castiel knew it could be frustrating to emote your feelings. He'd tried on regular accounts to write down his thoughts. A part of Sam's therapy that he still had trouble with himself.

Twenty minutes later and Castiel returned to the living-room. No Dean in sight and a rumpled piece of paper in his place. Castiel frowned, taking a tentative step towards the item. He picked it up and sat down in his regular seat.

The paper was torn and tearstained the writing scruffy and the complete opposite to Castiel's scripture. But right now that wasn't important. He tried to focus on the words themselves.

 

I was three. Maybe four. It's hard to tell. The early years tend to mold together. My mom held me close as she sang to me. Hey Jude. I still remember her blonde locks clutched in my hands. So soft and pretty. She always had been. Always will.

I don't remember what had startled her but I knew something was wrong. She'd given me one of those motherly smiles. The ones that say 'everything's fine' but you know it's not. She kissed my forehead and placed me under the bed.

At the time I didn't understand. It was just my dad coming home and yet I could feel something was wrong. His voice were a whisper, so I wasn't able to hear what he was saying. Then someone else stepped into the room, didn't know who it was. He must have pushed my mom because I could see her blue slippered feet stumble across the floor. She started to gasp and cry as the guy walked towards my dad. I remember my dad telling the guy that he would call the police. I heard a loud thud, my mom let out a little scream, and I just remember clutching to my teddy bear and begged silently for the stranger to leave.

He grabbed my mom, threw her down on the bed. I could hear her voice, begging for mercy. Another scream escaped her lips but was quickly cut off by a hard knock on the head followed by a stab. I wanted to do something. Wanted to stop him. But I couldn't. I was too afraid. I couldn't move. The only thing keeping me from crying out was the words my mom said to me before hiding me beneath the bed.

Stay silent. Stay safe.

Unlike my dad, she was still alive. She got sent to the hopsital. Died two days later. Thinking back on it I finally understand what had happened. Some psycho who got a kick out of killing was stabbing them to death. The reason why he chose them has stayed unknown for years. If there even was a reason. My dad was stabbed in the lungs and died short after, my mom's injuries killed her a few days later. Sammy doesn't know. Will never know. He thinks they died in a car accident. I wish I could too but I can't. I know the truth and it's something I have to live with.

I'm sorry, Cas.

 

"Oh, Dean," Castiel sobbed, shoving his fist in his mouth to stop from crying out loud. He had to go find Dean. Had to talk to him about this. He couldn't imagine keeping something like this for so long with no one to talk to about it. He stood up quickly, letter still in hand and tears in his eyes. He ran around his house frantically, hoping Dean was still here. He hadn't heard the door shut and just wished Dean was still here.

It wasn't until he reached his bedroom, seeing a pair of feet sticking out from beneath his bed did he wish Dean had gone home. "Dean," he whispered, letter dropping from his hand as he hesitantly knelt down to look under the bed.

Dean flinched when he saw Castiel come closer. His breathing was harsh and tears ran freely down his face. He watched as Castiel watched him for a moment. Almost looking uncertain and scared before carefully sliding under the bed next to Dean and slipped his arm around Dean, bringing him close to his chest. That's when Dean began to shake and break down, letting out all his tears and sobbed silently against Castiel's chest.

Castiel's heart broke. He didn't care about his anxieties. He didn't care about the fact he was lying beneath his bed with someone he was still learning about. He just wanted Dean to get better. His friend to feel safe here with him. The way Dean had made him feel safe.

"I-I've got you," he whispered into Dean's hair. "You're safe now, Dean. I promise."

Castiel could not have been more petrified in that moment. Not having a plan or an idea of their future but even as he spoke he knew they'd be okay.

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