Poetry/Songs

This is my collection of poetry and songs. ALL WRITTEN BY ME!

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56. Happy Fucking Holidays

Christmas tree,

Oh Christmas tree,

Why do you always catch on fire?

Santa Claus, Santa Claus did you retire?

Or are there no more elves for hire?

Are you always drunk when you get my list?

 

If I get anymore socks I'm gonna be pissed!

I'm supposed to be filled with glee,

But mom's cooking makes me want to flee!

It's Christmas! It's Christmas!

Or maybe Hanukkah

But no one even celebrates Kwanzaa!

 

It's mostly about Christmas,

Even though I don't believe in God!

I have do it for the family,

Even though I hate them!

Pinch my cheek one more time and I'll scream!

Christmas isn't as great as it may seem.

 

Christmas tree,

Oh Christmas tree,

Why do you always catch on fire?

Santa Claus, Santa Claus did you retire?

Or are there no more elves for hire?

Are you always drunk when you get my list?

 

Pervy cousins watching me eat candycanes

Creepy uncle trying to get close again

Mom crying in the bathroom

And then there's me,

Eating all the food while the rest watch TV

Christmas why can't you let me be?

 

What ever did I do to deserve this,

Listening to my family while I take all the piss

Watch shitty specials that make me braindead

But the upside is that I get fed

So now for the fourteenth time pass the bread

Honestly, I'd rather be giving head

 

Christmas tree,

Oh Christmas tree,

Why do you always catch on fire?

Santa Claus, Santa Claus did you retire?

Or are there no more elves for hire?

Are you always drunk when you get my list?

 

Watch it bitch,

I don't care that you're 60

I'll beat you so bad you'll feel 90

I was cute?

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I'll beat your ass to next December!

 

Happy Hanukkah,

Merry Christmas,

I'll beat your ass regardless,

What you believe,

What you look like!

And tell that fat bastard Santa to kiss my ass!

 

Christmas tree,

Oh Christmas tree,

Why do you always catch on fire?

Santa Claus, Santa Claus did you retire?

Or are there no more elves for hire?

Are you always drunk when you get my list?

 

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah!

No one really celebrates Kwanzaa!

Merry Christmas...

Merry Christmas...

AND FUCK YOU SANTA!

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