The Royal Church of One Direction: A Royal Crackfic

As it says in the title, a humorous crackfick... so don't get TOO offended ^^


1. The Royal Church of One Direction

Believers of this Church, otherwise known as Directioners, believe in one creator, Simon Cowell, who created unity in the form of One Direction. One Direction consists of five units who, as shown in the ‘Steal My Girl’ music video, each represent a different aspect of the world: Harry Edward Styles (‘love’), Niall James Horan (‘light’), Liam James Payne (‘power’), Louis William Tomlinson (‘danger’) and Zayn Jawaad Malik (‘mystery’). Directioners believe that each of these makes up the balance of the world, and if one should be lacking, then the world is in danger of ending. The story goes that due to an imbalance in the unity of the world and within believers of the church, mystery in the world has fallen apart and so its corresponding prophet, namely Zayn, was made to disappear, and that until members are once again united, the prophet of mystery shall never return. However, most believers are certain in the belief that he shall return one day and that they shall once again be reconciled with the holy pentanity and will thereby be offered salvation and the promise of eternal unity.

The four albums by One Direction are regarded by Directioners to be sacred and central to their religious tradition. Each album (‘Up All Night’, ‘Take Me Home’, ‘Midnight Memories’ and ‘Four’) represents a separate aspect of the unison ritual which must be performed on July 23rd (to denote the formation of the holy pentanity in 2010). On this day every year, believers must take a non-believer home, stay up all night, starting from midnight and listen to all four albums four times. Some Directioners even believe that the number four is the new sacred number, although this is debated by many.

In addition, the lyrics of each and every song possess a certain calibre of sacredness. For instance, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’, the pentanity’s first single, is considered to be the most sacred. To give an example of how important lyrics are to the theme of unity in the church, the line “Nothing can come between you & I, not even the gods above could separate the two of us” from the song ‘You & I’ symbolises how in the eyes of a believer, not even Simon is relevant when it comes to the importance of worldly harmony and unison with one another.

Music is a very important aspect for Directioners, and in order to be classified as a believer, one must know all the words to every song and must have attended a concert at least once. However, exemptions may be made if this is unattainable due to financial or geographical reasons. Unlike traditional churches, members of TRCOOD tend to gather virtually on sites such as Tumblr or Twitter to show their respects to the pentanity and to converse and interact in harmony.

Aside from the prophets’ home towns (Mullingar, Wolverhampton, Holmes Chapel, Doncaster, and Bradford) the sites where the music video for ‘One Thing’ took place, mainly Trafalgar square and other areas of the West End in London, are seen as areas of holiness, and although it is not obligatory, many Directioners travel here every year to visit where the pentanity once walked.

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