Life... is it about love or success?


1. What is life about???

Dear world, what is life about anymore... Is it about everyone trying to find a soulmate or trying be happy with your own self instead of having to worry about depending on someone else to take care of you? Love is not anything to want in life... the heartbreak that comes with love isn't worth searching your whole life to try and find mr.right or mrs.right because there's so much more to look forward to in this world besides trying to find love. I would know because I've been happy for 17 years of my life without a guy. I lost my mom 4 years ago and yes I know depression hit me hard, but it doesn't mean I'm going to search the ends of the world to find a guy that will love me because all I have to say if a guy doesn't love me for me then that's his loss because I know I'm not perfect,but I'm always gonna be imperfectly perfect in my own way just like everyone else. Love is important to others,but not to me because I know that I'll never need a man to depend on in my life. I've been happy without having a boyfriend before so it's not like all girls need a boyfriend to be happy or a guy needs a girlfriend to be happy... it just makes it a lot harder because their will be ups and downs where the guy will cheat & break your heart,but you forgive him because you believe that he really loves you. It's not that he doesn't really love you it's just a concerning point in your life where you should wonder why your boyfriend or husband would ever do that to you? because he should tell you if anything like that ever happened,but maybe he knows that if he really told you that he cheated on you that he shouldn't be forgiven for cheating because that's unforgivable. All the women or girls that forgive their husband/boyfriend for cheating on them are pathetic and stupid because just because the guy did it once doesn't mean he won't do it again while your not around and then you won't ever know that he cheated and why would a girl want to be with someone she truly loves that hurt her like that and did it more than once. It doesn't make sense to me because I would never want to look my boyfriend/husband in the face if he cheated on me just once because when a guy tells you he loves you and he cheats on you that shows how much he really cares & loves you doesn't it? That's just fucked up I've hated guys so much because every time I fall for a guy and which I'm 17 years old I know that I probably will never have a chance with that guy,but I try and have a little confidence that something will happen even though it never does... which I wonder why I don't deserve love in my life or is just I don't need it???? Guys are idiots because they never truly realize that when they don't like a girl back it hurts the girl so much because I still cry myself to sleep every night because of my 2 high school crushes last year. First one was Logan he made my heart race every time I looked at him last year he would stare at me & smile... he would bite his lip at me and he would stick up for me too, that year I fell so hard in love with him I didn't think I could ever get over being in love with him... that changed. Logan changed he's not the same anymore I feel like he changed for me,but he doesn't talk to me or really even notice me at all unlike last year when he noticed me everyday I wish he was that way again I just want him back... yet I know even if I get him back that he'll never be mine. It's not that easy for me to get the guy I want because love never works for me because I'm not attractive and I'm just not appealing so why would any guy want me??? well they don't so it's that easy I know I'll never find love in this world. My second crush his name is Brady... well he's a jock & he's a football player and I fell for him last year when I was walking in the freshman academy with my 2 best friends and we were linking arms & I was in the middle... So when Brady saw me he started whistling and banging on the table & so did his best friends. Brady's just I don't know what to say he seems so infatuated with me because every time I walk by him he always stares for 2-5 if not 10 minutes & I mean it's creepy and cute at the same time because a guy has never acted that way towards me before. Then there's Logan's 15 year older younger brother Brody yeah he's pretty cute for his age,but when me & my little sister went to my registration with my dad Brody was staring at me like legit eye raping me it was super weird. Then Ryan he's a freshman & I'm a senior,but he's always and I mean always staring at me it's the creepiest thing ever and he always tries to get close to me. I mean I think that stuff is super cute yet it's weird too, because guys seem to act shy around me and I don't know why because I'm way more shy then they are.

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