I Need U [BTS FANFIC]

"Why would I need you?"

"Because I need you"

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8. Eight

Months has passed since my halmeoni died. I haven’t been the same at all. I’ve been told countless times that it’s like I’m not even there mentally. I know they are right, because I’m not. I’m empty inside. I can still hear the echo’s of the ambulance’s sirens, still hear the doctor telling me that there was nothing they could do. That my halmeoni was dead. That I was alone.

I quit my job, I still went to school but that was only because Shin-hye decided she would move in with me and the guys practically came and dragged me to school.

I was a walking corpse.

I keep thinking that if I didn’t go to the park that day, if I didn’t meet up with Jimin, if I didn’t confess to him or kiss him, halmeoni would still be alive. I wouldn’t be this way. I wouldn’t ignore everyone’s daily attempt to get a word out of me.

Halmeoni was the only reason I was able to keep myself from breaking down completely when my mom, dad and sister died. She was the one holding me down on Earth, without her I would be where my family are.

I stayed because I knew we needed each other.

I walked into the classroom and zoned out as soon as the teacher walked in. I kept staring out the window, looking at the sky, I could be there right now. I could be with my family. What’s stopping me? Shin-hye, Jimin, Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Jungkook, Taehyung and Namjoon are what’s stopping me. They got me monitored all day. Knowing that if they don’t I will do something stupid.

“Min-rin!” an angry voice called, I turned around and noticed that I was in the cafeteria now, I let out a sigh and shrugged it off. This has been going on ever since halmeoni died, I don’t remember getting to places.

“You need to stop, You can’t keep behaving like this!” Yoongi yelled. I saw how the others kept trying to calm him “You’re not the only one who’s been through this kind of stuff. Look at me, I’m not sitting around acting like a pussy now am I?” He kept yelling, grabbing everyone’s attention in the room, normally I would care if I got everyone’s eyes on me. But I don’t.

“Don’t worry Yoongi. I’ll be gone soon.” I replied emotionless as I stared into his eyes. I saw how he frowned, obviously surprised by my reply.

“Stop saying that.” Jimin whispered to me and looked down at our hands that now were intertwined. I followed his eyes before I looked at him. “We both know it’s true” I whispered back.

“No it’s not” It was Namjoon’s turn to yell. “If only you knew our stories, you’d know that you can survive.” I turned my eyes to meet his. “I know that you can survive. The question is, do you want to? With all that pain in your heart that only you know is there. You can hide it when you’re in public but you can’t forget it when you’re alone.” I started, grabbing the boys attention.

“I know you all have some pretty nasty pasts, I don’t know what they are but I know you got them. I can see it in your eyes. The loneliness, the pain, the struggle to keep up the happy appearance.” I continued “I’m not like you, I can’t hide the loneliness I’m feeling, or the pain or keep up a happy appearance. I can’t” “We can teach you” Jungkook choked out. Tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

I threw him a slight smile. I really loved Jungkook, he reminded me a lot of my sister. “No one can. I’m too damaged.” I replied and stood up, grabbing my lunch and walked out of the cafeteria.

I realized as I was laying in my bed at home that the only time I ever felt anything was when I was with Jimin alone. When we were just lying in bed, listening to music and enjoying each other’s company.

I noticed a faint knock on my bedroom door. “Not now Shin-hye” I yelled faintly but the door opened anyways. I sat up staring at Jimin who looked like a wreck walking in through the door. I sprung up on my feet and pulled him into my embrace. “What has happened?” I asked him, my voice was full of concern and worry.

I may be an empty shell but when I’m with Jimin I feel more alive than I am.

“I just felt lonely.” He replied and returned my hug.

We slowly let go, I grabbed his hand and pulled him with me over to sit on the bed. “You’re not, you got me” I tried comforting him. “Yeah, well for how long?” he glared, I widened my eyes in shock at his sudden outburst before I swallowed hard and looked down. “I can’t answer that” “Why not? Don’t you love me enough to stay here with me? Am I not enough?” he started yelling. “Answer me!” All I could do was shake my head. “I do love you enough to stay but I don’t know if I’m good enough for you. I’m broken Jimin. I can’t be fixed.” I yelled back, pulling my hair in frustration.

Jimin was always well groomed and always looked his best but today he looked sad, tired and he had a slight beginning to a beard. I took in all of his features before I jumped closer to him, stroking his cheek with the back of my hand. “I love you Jimin” I whispered, wiping away a tear from his cheek. “Then stay, don’t do anything stupid” He whispered back, staring into my eyes.

I stared back into his eyes but my eyes started to wander towards his lips. They went back and forward for a while before I finally kissed him full on the lips. He immediately responded back, he put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer to his body. I put my arms around his neck as he tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss.

I heard a moan escape my mouth as he lightly bit on my lower lip. He groaned and put me down on the bed with him on top of me. He started tugging on the hem of my shirt, urging me to pull it off, so I did. He took this chance to pull of his too.

I felt my hands wander on his abs, exploring every inch of his upper body before reaching his belt.

“Are you sure?” he frowned as he looked at me. I nodded “I’ve never been so sure.” I replied and smiled. He gave me his amazing signature smile and laughed. “I love you so much.” He confessed as he kissed me all over my face. “I love you the most.” I smiled.

That was the last time I saw Jimin alive.

I got a call the next morning from the police, they found Jimin in the bath. He had drowned just a couple of hours before Jungkook had found him.

I don’t remember how I got to the hospital but I wasn’t wearing any shoes, pants or jacket at all.

I stood and stared at Jimin’s picture at the funeral reception. Everything had been so good the night before. I looked around the room to find that the guys stood in a corner in their funeral clothes. I soon realized that my eyes were looking for Jimin and when I didn’t find him, I fell to my knees.

I saw Jungkook running over to me with a letter in his hand. “Noona.” He cried and handed me the letter before breaking down in tears. I felt how my eyes were tearing up as well as I stared at Jimin’s sloppy handwriting on the envelope. “To the most beautiful girl in the world” I chuckled as I could hear his voice in my head as I read it.

I opened it and pulled out a letter.

Yo yeobo. I know you must be very surprised and sad. Or I hope you’re sad. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. The last thing I wanted was to make you cry but I guess I did anyways with what I’ve done now.

I loved that I got to spend my last night on this planet with you. I know you’re probably upset that I came to you knowing what I would do the next day. You have every right to be. The reason why I did it is simple. Because of my past and you. I want to always be with you and this way I can. I’ll always be in your heart.

I know that no one can talk you out of committing suicide. Oops I said the word. Nah, just kidding. But I know that no one can but I hope that this will. I want you to live a full and happy life on earth. Get married, get lots of kids!! You better name one after me, you’re first and only true love!

I never really told you about my past now did I? Well… It all started when I was in second grade, I looked like a normal 8 years young boy but my family was really broken and so was I. My dad left us when I had just been born so that douche was never in the picture.

My mom however, came home drunk every night up until last year, with a new dude everytime. It became frustrating and I couldn’t take it so I started underground fighting. It was the only thing that kept me sane.

It was also there I met my boys Bangtan Sonyeondan! BTW tell them I said Hi and to stop crying, they look ugly when they cry.

Anyway, back to the story. Story time with uncle Jimin. Well as I said I started fighting and basically that’s how Bangtan Sonyeondan was formed. I love my boys to death. Literally. Bad Joke, sorry.

One day I realized that fighting wasn’t enough for me so I started dealing and doing drugs. I felt amazing even though I knew it was bad for me. I didn’t care. After a few years of doing that I decided that it was time to pull myself together and go back to school, so I stopped doing drugs, selling drugs but I never stopped smoking weed and fighting. I went back one week before summer holidays which now that I think about it was such a bad idea.

When I came back to school I saw you. First day. Whispering to yourself. I immediately got interested in you and started approaching you. I knew you were like me, broken, damaged which is why we made such a perfect couple. You have to agree.

You didn’t want anything to do with me in the beginning but my amazing face and charm made you interested. We started hanging out and I realized that I wanted something more but couldn’t figure out what. I’m glad I finally did though.

I still remember you asking me "Why would I need you?" when I told you that you need me in your life. I never answered that question that day. Therefore I will answer it right now. "Because I need you" is the answer. I needed you so badly Min-rin. I still do. 

I loved you when I was alive, I will always love you even when I’m dead. Don’t you ever forget that.  I’m going to be reunited with your halmeoni and I’ll be sure to tell her that you love her.

 

Don’t you dare come here soon! I’m serious Min-rin. I mean I would love to see you soon but don’t you dare listen to that.

Live long, be happy and have a family. For me please. If not, for your family. At least try, I know it’s hard. But try to live.

I love you.

Jimin.”

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OMG, you guys. I cried while writing this. I kept imagining if Jimin actually died what I would do. TBH I don't know. Probably go under, cry for months and like never recover. Fuck Jimin. I love and hate this chapter, loved it because I got it the way I wanted it and hated it because Jimin died. Luckily this is just a story based on a mv and not real life. Thank God for that. 

Anyways, I'm sorry for this late update! I've been sick these last few days but I'm starting to feel a lot better now which is why I decided to finish this chapter and post it! I truly hoped you all liked it and cried (NO IM JOKING.) (Or am I)

I don't normally do A/N so this won't be too long. 

Thank you all who is commenting every chapter!! I really appreaciate it. Tbh you guys are the reason I keep this going. I feed of comments nomnom o3o 

 

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