Change Me [Justin Bieber]


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12. Chapter Twelve

Days went by and I didn’t hear a word from Justin. I kept calling him and mailing him but even that seemed to disappear as well. I didn’t do much I just kept sitting on my laptop at home and look at all the comments I got. I didn’t update my blog or my YouTube channel, I only watched it over and over again.

I kept looking up the articles that kept coming up about Justin and I but neither of us wanted to comment on them. I was back to being a ghost at my school and it felt strange to somehow be the offer for the bullies, sit on the internet and get nowhere with my life.

“You’ve got to stop being moody and get over it. You left a bitchy message on his machine and he’s moved on. Maybe you should do the same thing Amy.”

“Sure…”

“Stop being moody.”

“You don’t know what it’s like!”

I was walking out from school Thursday. It had been three weeks now and still not a word from Justin.

“Then enlighten me instead of being a fucking prick and pretend like your entire world is gone. You still have the music and the things you learned. No one will ever take that away from you.”

“I don’t know if I wanna keep it up.”

“What? You can’t just stop now.”

“But I think I will.”

“Amy don’t say that.”

“Why not? You never wanted this for me anyway so why would I continue when it’s breaking me more than I’ve ever been broken?”

“Just give it another shot. I’ve never seen a better version of you than the person you’ve become after you let music reenter your life.”

“I don’t know. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I left the school and went home to turn the TV on. There was an interview on the screen but I didn’t really listen until I heard his name. I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to hear this, yet I felt myself dragged to the TV and sat down in front of it.

“So Justin how are you doing?”

“I’m doing great, yeah actually I’ve never been better.”

“And I hear you have new music coming out soon. You’ve been in the studio a lot, can you tell us about it?”

“I’m just a normal boy working my job.”

“So there’s nothing new? Not even with the girl Amy Johnson we’ve been seeing you with.”

“I’ve been working with Miss Johnson a little. She needed a vocal coach and my coach offered her some training.”

“We’re talking about this girl. She’s been seen wearing a shirt similar to yours after she was seen at the studios with you. Is something going on between the two of you?”

“Look, Amy is a sweet girl and everything but she’s not a part of my life. We’ve been working together that’s all. I don’t know what she’s been saying but we’ve only met a few times at the studios and she’s gone back home to Chicago where she’s from.”

I turned the TV off I didn’t want to hear anymore. I couldn’t bring it on myself. I shook my head repeatedly… I couldn’t believe he would talk about me like that.  Soon I heard my phone ringing and I saw Kristy’s ID on the screen.

“Tell me you did not just watch celebrity news Amy…”

“I wish I could.”

“I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“But you’ve spend the past weeks being moody about him and now it turns out he’s just the biggest jerk to walk on this planet.”

“I don’t care okay. I just don’t care anymore.”

I hung up and started crying. I don’t think more tears have ever streamed down my face. I felt awful and soon everyone would know about some of the things that’ve been going on. They would say that I was lying just to get attention and that I was the one who created this thing.

My phone started ringing again and soon I saw a car outside my house as well. It was the news. Celebrity news Chicago… I guess they wanted to talk to me but I didn’t want to talk to them.

I went up to my bedroom and heard my parents when they came home a couple of hours later and the cars outside hadn’t left yet. They just kept waiting there. I guess there was nothing better to talk about than me…

I heard my mum as she walked up the stairs to my room. She was talking to my father who was behind her. They both looked really worried when they came in.

“Are you alright Amy? We heard about what happened.”

“Of course you did because everything everyone can talk about right now is what happened in New York.”

I wiped some of the tears away from my eyes and stormed out of the room and down stairs where I sat on the sofa. I didn’t want to talk about what had happened. I didn’t want to live in a world where someone had been saying something so untrue about me. It was bullshit all of it was bullshit and I was tired of him for being a coward like that. Why couldn’t he just accept that we hadn’t been careful enough or that he was too famous for privacy?

I started screaming and threw around with different pillows as well as I punched them. I even managed to get one of them ripped in pieces so I had feathers all over the place.

When all of the noise came from the house the paparazzi started knocking on the door and wanted to get the answers they were there for. Everything they wanted to know was what happened in New York and honestly right now I just felt like telling them.

I went outside as soon as I had calmed down. I knew exactly what I wanted to say to them and I knew just how I was going to say it.

I opened the door and the camera and microphone was soon up all in my face. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I had put this on myself that there was nothing to do about this. They were screaming my name and everyone wanted me to look at them but I had found the camera to focus on and I didn’t want to look into any of the others.

“Amy Johnson what happened in New York?”

“Amy Johnson do you know Justin Bieber?”

“Amy! Amy! Amy!”

It was all too much for me and I just started speaking without thinking about the words that came out of my mouth. I felt like hurting him like he had been hurting me but I didn’t want the world to find out what had been going on between us so I would have to lie for them.

“I don’t get why you’re all so obsessed with this. I do not know the Justin Bieber you’re all insanely in love with. Yes I met him at the studios and we talked about different things but that doesn’t mean I know him nor that I’m dating him. Justin is a nice guy but I don’t know the celebrity you’re all so obsessed with because that’s not something I want to take part of. Yes I was in New York but my stay there had nothing to do with him and will never have. He’s where he is and I’m here where I belong.”

“So Amy, what were you doing in New York?”

“That’s really none of your business. I’m a working person in the music industry like many others and I love what I do and that’s all that really matters and that’s all there is there for me right now beside my family and friends.”

“Why were you seen in Justin’ shirt in Chicago airport?”

“Does it matter that I have a shirt like his? Yes I was wearing a shirt on the way home from New York, a shirt like his. I’ve been a fan for a long time but I’m done, I’m done with all of this shit. You’ve ruined the person I used to care about just so you could make money. He’s a human as well and you’ve torn him down and created just another Hollywood celebrity and that’s not something I’ll ever be a part of.”

I went back inside when I had finished talking. I felt brave and I felt amazing. Justin would soon taste his own medicine and I felt fucking great about it. Especially after what he had been saying earlier.

 I went to school Friday morning like I would have done any other day. I was still taking classes there and I was actually thinking about taking all of them there again because I was feeling so much better but little did I know that this day was going to be the one to change my life.

I walked up to my locker and got all of my books. I felt strange because people kept staring at me. Someone even whispered about me, some were laughing and it all just seemed so out of place and weird to me. 

"What's going on?" 

I looked at Kristy who had come up to her locker which was next to mine. She hadn't greeted me at all so I guess something terrible must have been going on. 

"I think you know, otherwise you will know soon." 

She took her books and left. I felt left out, like the stranger at the school I had been on for so long. 

"Kelvin Park! It's a great day for this school! I'm here to bring you the news and to answer the question we have all been asking. What happened in New York between Kelvin Park's own Amy Johnson and super sensation Justin Bieber?

It seems after a long time where people have been asking that Amy and Justin actually don't know each other at all. It's said they've met and worked a little but it's simply nothing more than that. You heard it here first." 

I rolled my eyes and went to class. Everyone seemed to be treating me differently and called me a liar because they thought that I had been doing all of this just to get attention. Truth is they knew nothing about what had been going on and they were never going to because I was never gonna give in. 

"How does it feel?" 

"To be more awesome than you? Pretty good. Now leave me be." 

"Oi midget you screwed up when you tried to act all tough truth is you've been lying all this time."

"You don't know what happened in New York." 

"Well it's funny that not even this big sensation wants to admit that he knows you so maybe you should drop the act." 

"Maybe you should grow up. You heard me last time and hell I can make it even worse this time." 

I was walking the halls like a ghost for the rest of the day. I was hiding yet everyone found me and looked at me with disgust. They talked shit about me and didn't even want to hide it. I felt like I was back to where I started or maybe even to my suicidal point. I didn't know to be honest. 

I sat in my last class and ran my fingers over Lyric, my butterfly tattoo. It was beautiful and fragile but maybe it was time for her to die. 

"Amy Johnson." 

"Sorry?" 

"Will you play the piano?" 

"Uh... Sure." 

I placed myself in front of the piano and looked over it. 

"Sorry miss what was it I had to play?" 

"Just whatever you feel like. We're just taking it slow. I know it's been a rough couple of weeks for you." 

"Okay..." 

I was still a ghost away from this classroom as I started playing fix a heart by Demi Lovato. The play itself wasn't too hard but the vocals were something completely different. Even though I wasn't asked to I started singing when I heard the music. That's the moment I realized something. The music was such a big part of me, that I couldn't let go of it. It was my life and the thing I believed in. It was what I wanted and what I believed in. 

I had sung the first verse and chorus in a very low voice and people could barely hear me but when I got to the second chorus I gave it all I had. I don’t think I’ve ever sung that loud on my own voice without help from a microphone or anything. It was amazing, my eyes were closed and I was living the moment more than I had ever done when I had been here, in my room or even in New York.

When I was done I looked around the room. People were staring at me, even my teacher was staring at me. I had become a stranger to them and I hated everything about it. I walked back done to my seat and went into my own world by listening to some music on my iPod. As soon as the class was dismissed I left the room with my bag over my shoulder.

“Amy, wait!”

Kristy was right behind me and went with me outside. Somehow she understood the beauty in my music and she knew me so well that she must have seen what happened in there when I started singing.

“What happened in there?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You loved it, you’ve missed it! I could tell! Music is your life, why can’t you just accept that. It’s always been such a big part of who you are.”

“I can’t do it okay. Not after everything that happened.”

“Just forget about him and move on. You started this yourself, now move on from it. You said you wanted to work with him, not make out with him.”

I broke down in tears in front of my locker. I missed him so badly and whenever someone had mentioned him I had thought about the awful interview and what I had said myself.

“I haven’t slept since Monday…”

“AMY!”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Amy, stop it you’re scaring me.”

“Then stop talking about the music…”

I was empty sitting there on the floor with tears down my cheeks. Everyone was staring at me but I didn’t care. I couldn’t care anymore.

“Let’s get you home.”

She helped me up and we walked out of school. At the same time when we had gotten outside a limousine entered school ground.

“Who’s that?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. I just wanna go home.”

“You’re not even going to stay and check out what’s going on?”

“Fine…”

The limo stopped just in front of me and Justin stepped out of it and looked at me.

“Amy Johnson”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

I looked at him angry and tried walking away from him but he stopped me by taking a hold of my arm.

“Let go of me Justin.”

“Not until you stay here and let me talk.”

“Why would I ever let you talk after everything you said about me on celebrity news? I asked you in New York if you were ashamed of me, and you promised me you’d never be ashamed of a girl like me despite my scars, my anxiety and everything that comes with me. You got me to lie for you because you’d been lying so much yourself that I would just look like another one of your pathetic fans crying for attention. I haven’t heard from you in weeks and then you just show up at my school and expect me to actually come talk to you as if nothing happened? Is this all because of that message I left on your phone? I thought you would be fine with it or maybe at least call me back so we could talk about it, but I guess you lost the most important thing when you became all famous and big. Your heart. So whatever it is you want, I’m sure you can find it somewhere else. Goodbye Justin.”

Everyone was staring at me and I felt really great about myself, when I left school ground and jumped on the yellow bus that would take me home. I was listening to music on the bus on the way home and sat for myself in the back. The bus was smelly and I hated taking it but everything was better than staying around Justin at the moment.

When the bus pulled up close to my house I got out and walked down the street to my house, and you wouldn’t believe it but the limousine from outside my school was now parked by my house.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

He was standing outside waiting for me to come over and talk to him. He didn’t give up that easy.

“I really need to talk to you.”

“I don’t wanna talk, I thought I just made that clear.”

He took my hand and swung me back in front of him. I was staring at him as he wrapped his arms around me placed his lips over mine. I melted by the touch and gave in to whatever he wanted to do to me. I had missed this feeling and I felt blessed as soon as he kept kissing me. I felt how my body moved closer to his and how we became the person I wanted us to be. After a while he moved his lips away from mine and tried to make me look him in the eyes.

“Now can we please talk?” 

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