Change Me [Justin Bieber]


3. Chapter Three

I spend a couple of days in my bed thinking about things. Maybe Kristy and mum were right? Maybe I could shut those bullies up and come back to school with pride. Maybe I would be able to make it out in the big world. I sat in front of my laptop Thursday afternoon. My mum was visiting Karen on her day off and dad was working late. I still wasn’t going to school. I would have the rest of the week off to just try and comfort myself, with a huge help from Kristy and my mum. They were so supportive. The video had gotten much more views and were now at 150K. People were still talking a lot about it, and everyone kept asking me questions about the girl in the video, who she was and where she was from. I wanted to tell them badly. I become hungry for more attention, and soon I found myself getting myself ready for a new video, but this time some stupid bully wouldn’t upload it. I would.

I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror. There was mist on the mirror and it was hard seeing anything from the misty bathroom.

“You can do this Amy, they actually do like you.”

I spoke to myself and I found my figure in the mirror speaking to me in another way than the real me was moving.

“Do you really think this is what you want? Or is it just what they want you to do?”

“I want to shut those bullies up! It’s time for me to stand up and show that I CAN do this and I WILL do this, because I’m proud of the person I am.”

My other self smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back, and soon I was back to getting ready for whatever I was going to do.

My hair was wavy and my make-up was perfect. I chose an outfit that would make me look skinny and beautiful. Maybe even the beautiful girl I knew I was. I was dressed in a pair of light blue frayed cut off shorts with high waist and a skinny black tank top which was stuffed into my shorts. I found my favorite heels in the closet and put them on. My beloved Jeffry Campbell black Lita shoes. They made me tall and beautiful. My mum had told me not to wear them in school, but I loved walking around in them whenever I got the chance, and once I actually did sneak them with me to school.

I went back to my bedroom where I started putting up the microphone and the camera to make it all so perfect it could be. I even made sure that my poster of Beyoncé was in the background and I started working with my vocal. I had done this for many years so I knew how it worked when you were recording a track.

I worked for a couple of hours making the perfect cover of the song, and I enjoyed it a lot. As soon as I finished my track and I knew I had video material enough I went back to my camera and made it focus on me in another way. I wanted to tell them something before they would listen to my voice.

“My name is Amy Johnson. I’m the 17 years old girl you’ve all been asking for. The girl who made the Beyoncé cover of Halo. I didn’t want the video to come out at first, but soon I realized people could actually like what I did as well, so here’s what I did.”

I smiled at the camera and then went over to turn it off. I sat for the rest of the day working on the movie and the track to make it work. I didn’t even realize my mum came into my room around dinner time to tell me to come down. Apparently she had been calling a million times.

“What are you so busy with?”

She looked at the screen of my MacBook and then unplugged my earphone where she heard my voice fill the room, but this wasn’t like it was in the video, this was a clean and professional sound with no auto tune at all.

“Wow Amy that’s beautiful. Is that what you’ve been doing all day?”

I smiled proudly up at my mum.

“It is. I’ve finally decided that I’m going to react to the video!”

“I can’t wait for you to upload it, but first you have to come down stairs. Dinner’s ready.”

“Sure just give me one second.”

I pressed a few buttons on my laptop and then turned around as soon as the video started uploading. It would be private at first, so it wouldn't just come out at soon as it finished. Over the past couple of days I had gained a lot for myself and I knew that I was good enough to do this, but I also knew that it would only take one kick to get me back down from what I've felt. 

"So how was your day sweetheart?" 

My dad was staring at me across the table and suddenly I felt really weird. It was like there was something wrong, not with me but my dad. 

"Err.. fine thanks. I'm putting up a video to shut up the people from my school." 

"That's good sweetie. Your headmaster called me today and asked why you haven't been going to school." 


"I told him the story and he refused it. Said those student didn't do anything." 

"And you believe it?"

"I don't know what to believe. He said you called a certain teacher by first name. Is anything going on there?" 

"Of course I call Jeremy by first name, he's one of your best friends and he's a good support for me whenever I'm in school. Why would you think any of this?" 

"Because that's what the rumor says at school Amy. That's why." 

I dropped my knife and fork down on my plate and stared at my dad with a disgusted face. I s hurt that he would even consider that this was a possibility because of the bullies at my school! And why hadn't my best friend called me and told me about this? It wasn't like I wanted to stay home; it was just what was for the best right now. I did speak a lot to my English teacher, but mostly because he was a good friend of the family and he had always been there. He was like an uncle to me, and I didn't intent to change that just because I was in school and he started there out of nowhere.

"How dare you! After everything that I've been through! You think this is what I would do to someone who's a part of the family?! You're disgusting! I would never do such things to Jeremy and neither would he do to me! He's my uncle, and that he will always be! The reason I don't wanna go to school is because of all this! This is what they do! Look at me? Do I look happy? Do I look scared? As if I'm hiding something that disgusting for you?! I’ve been bullied for many years dad, but this is probably the worst thing I’ve ever heard and I’m shocked that you would believe the people who told me to jump off of a cliff.”

I removed my napkin from my lap and ran up the stairs. I couldn’t believe my own father would think things like that about me. I slammed the door hard as soon as I was inside of my room and returned to the music video I was about to upload, but somehow I couldn’t do it. I needed more than just that stupid video. I went out to the bathroom where I got the extra key to the doors, and locked the door to my room. I found my microphone and got it placed by my laptop and then worked a bit with the webcam. I looked into it and then wiped away my tears. I had wanted to do this and break through my shell for a long time, but I never knew how to do it. Not before now.

“I’m the real Amy Johnson, and I don’t know why everybody hates me so much, but maybe I do, because now… I hate me too. I have hated me for a very long time, and it is also the reason that I haven’t been going to school. But to my bullies… what do you get out of this? Is it really that big a pleasure seeing me suffer?”

I paused for a second and wiped away more of the tears that was forming in my eyes. I ran my fingers over the butterfly placed over my left wrist and stared at it for a while.

“Last summer it was all too much for me, and I tried saying goodbye.”

I turned my wrist so it was facing the camera. I wasn’t ashamed of the big scar I had across my arm, it was the proof that I’ve had enough once, but the butterfly was the symbol of me moving on.

“But this, this helped me. I was a part of something called the butterfly project, and when we finally gave in and everyone was drawing butterflies on their wrists I got this done. This is Lyric, she’s my saver. If I hurt myself I kill her. She’s named lyric because I had to name my butterfly after something I cared the most about, for me that’s music. This is what I’m best at, and what I enjoy the most. Therefore I'm posting another video tonight. I need to show all of you something. So think about what I've said, do you really get satisfied with the result? I once gave up, and if I'm pushed enough I'll do it again." 

I turned off the video. I didn't like the result, but without thinking I posted the video followed by my music video. I shared the video on my blog, my Facebook and twitter. I waited for a long time and wanted it to just explode straight away, but for some reasons it didn't. I sat in front of the computer for more than an hour without anything happening, but seeing the other video still being shared. I went onto my account again and linked my video with the original, so it was some sort of response to the one going viral. As I was sitting there in my own little world my mum knocked on the door. I think she wanted to speak about what happened at the dinner, but honestly I didn't feel like talking about it. I just wanted to forget everything about it. 


“We need to talk.”

My mum sat down on the bed and I turned to look at her as my videos spread across the web.

“What is that rumor about sweetie?”

“It’s a stupid rumor that everyone’s saying to make me feel bad. I almost killed lyric when I found out, so don’t make it worse okay?! It’s not like I asked him to help me. I just want them to leave me alone.”

I started crying and tried stopping myself, but the tears kept streaming down my face.

“I hate myself mum. Why do they have to be so mean to me?”

I pulled my legs up to my head and hid my face on my knees. My mum and I spoke for a long time and we tried working things out, but I didn’t understand what she wanted to do about it. After about an hour where my mum had been in my room holding me back from harming myself my phone started ringing. I didn’t know if I wanted to pick up the phone or just ignore the world for another year.

“You better get that.”

She smiled at got up from my bed and left me alone in the room. She knew I didn’t like being on the phone in front of her. I looked at the screen and saw Kristy’s picture appear.

“What is it Kristy?”

“That video?! I didn’t think you would do it.”

“Neither did I, but when the rumors about Jeremy and I started it all got too much.”

“It’s so weird you’re calling him that.”

“Well he’s my uncle so why wouldn’t I?”

“I know people are talking in the corners Amy, but don’t let it get to you. You’re better than they are, and your videos just proved that to them. I just shared them, and it’s going mental! Everyone loves them, so don’t give up because of them.”

“I know… and thanks.”

“You’re welcome. How are you feeling?”



“I’m feeling like crap. I don’t know if I can go back.”

“What are you gonna do then?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t think I can handle getting back Kristy. It’s like everyone’s telling me to stay away, and I’ve just felt better for the past couple of days.”

“It’s your choice. I’ll always be here for you, remember.”

“Yeah I know. Thanks Kristy.”

“You’re welcome. Well I better get going. There’s school tomorrow.”

“Yeah… have fun.”

“I’ll try.”

We hung up on each other and I went back to staring into the screen. My videos were shared more than 200 times already. It was crazy have fast it went, and I couldn’t really believe it. I felt like checking the comments, but I didn’t want to ruin my good mood either, so I decided to just go to bed instead.

I lay there in bed with my phone and made another blog.

The video…

Today has been so weird. I can’t believe the rumors people put out about others, but I guess that’s just something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. At least Lyric’s still alive, which means I haven’t harmed myself, even though the thought has been there.

I promised I would tell you more about the cover as soon as I knew, so here are two videos I posted earlier. You might be surprised of what they contain.

I put in the links at the end of the short blog and then looked at it for a couple of minutes. I didn’t know if I wanted to put more into the blog or if I should just stop it there.

If you want to know more, inbox me. I’ll gladly answer your questions. I’m sorry I lied to you guys. I should have been honest from the beginning…

I finished the blog at that point and lay my phone on the table. I was drained for energy for the day, and I just wanted to pass out for the night. 

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