Change Me [Justin Bieber]


13Likes
17Comments
6875Views
AA

1. Chapter One

“Amy wake up it’s time for school.”

My mum was yelling from the stairs. She had been up here and tried to get me out of bed already. I honestly felt sorry for her, because she had to get me up every morning. I wasn’t exactly what you call an easy going teenager. I hated getting up in the morning, because I knew what was waiting for me as soon as I had parked my crappy car at the parking lot outside of school.

“Amy get up now!”

“Just five more minutes.”

“No, get up now.”

I dragged my sleepy body up in a sitting position in the bed just as my mum stepped into my room again.

“Amy, please get up now. You have to get going.”

“I don’t want to go to school.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m tired.”

“Then you have to go to bed earlier in the evening instead of sitting on the internet all night long.”

“You don’t understand it.”

I rolled my eyes of her and then moved on. I got up and got ready just like every other day. I took out a pair of tights that I pulled on after I found some clean underwear and put it on. I found my shorts with the high waist and put them on, but before closing them I pulled a knitted oversized shirt over my head and stuffed it into my pants so it would be hanging loose over the shorts. I found a brown pair of oxfords which I mixed up with my blue shorts and white shirt.

I finished quickly, only applying a minimum of make-up and letting my hair hang loose over my shoulders.

I ran down the stairs as soon as I had finished, with my brown leather bag hanging over my shoulders. My books and my laptop were placed safely in the bag as I lay it on the kitchen counter. My mum was sitting by the table reading the morning paper and drinking her coffee. She had already made me some that I filled up in the cup I found by the sink.

“Amy sit down please.”

“No I’m in a hurry, I have to leave in 5 minutes.”

“I need to speak with you about something.”

“Mum, we have to do this later. I’m late for school.”

I finished the hot coffee that burned through my throat. I could feel it all the way down my stomach.

“I’ll talk to you later. I’m off at 1.30”

I ran out the door before she got the chance to stop me. I sat in the car for a while before I started the engine and took off for school. I didn’t want to go there, but it was easier than telling my mum the truth about what was going on. The lies, the picking on etc.

I took a deep breath and started driving. The school wasn’t far away, and I would be able to walk, but I didn’t. I always drove, because that would give me one place to escape whenever I needed it.

I pulled up at the parking lot and took another deep breath before I stepped out of the car. I couldn’t believe I had to go through this every single day. I pulled the leather bag up over my shoulder, letting it hang all the way down to my knees and started walking while looking down at the ground, but still reminding myself, that I couldn’t run into someone who would hurt me for doing it. I just had to stay out of trouble. Just for one single day.

“Hey Porter!”

Oh shit they had already seen me, and I had barely walked through the doors. The popular kids were standing at the other side of the hall, and I could see that stupid guy to Tyler McGaw who had always hated me for some reason. He had been like this since elementary school, and honestly I had never done anything to him.

I chose to ignore him and move on down the hall with my ears filled with music. Though it didn't help. 

"Are you deaf your little midget?!" 

"No...." 

"What was that?" 

"I said I wasn't deaf." 

"Then you better fucking answer me when I call your name." 

I took a step back leaning towards the lockers on the hall and looked around. I didn't get why no one tried to help me when all of this started. They just stood there and looked at me, staring... It was like they waited for me to run away crying. 

"Sorry..." 

I was fragile and weak when it came to the bullies. I didn't have the guts to stand up against them, because I knew it was only gonna end back on me. 

"Yeah you better you fucking whore." 

"Mr. McGraw, leave Miss Johnson alone and get to your class. NOW!" 

My English teacher saved me this time, but he wouldn't always be able to. 

"Amy, get your books and get to class."

"Yes sir." 

"Oh and let me remind you that the take out for glee club is this afternoon." 

"I don't wanna sing in front of all these people." 

My English teacher knew my family outside of school. He was a good friend of my dad; they used to work together until he quit the job. My mum used to invite him to all of my old performances. I did like to sing once, but it wasn't a part of who I was anymore.  

“Amy, I’ve known you since you were 5 years old. You’ve always loved singing and playing both the piano and the guitar. Why has all this changed?”

“School happened, bullies happened, my dad working all the time happened. Truly Jeremy, life happened. I grew out of it.”

I took my books and left the hall to get down to my first class.

Mrs. McKenzie was my first teacher of the day. She taught in my arts class. I chose to do something different than singing for my ‘fun’ class ever since I started getting bullied. I didn’t want them to hear me sing.

“Class be silent! I have great news for you all.”

We all looked at her with waiting faces. Actually we were working on a musical right now. I was behind stage helping everyone with the different things like costumes and make-up, but when everyone had left I usually sat playing by the piano for a couple of minutes before I would go to my next class. This was what kept me going through every single day. The drama class every morning.

“We have glee club take outs today and they wanna hear all of you sing.”

I stopped drawing on the new clothes I was designing for the school play and let my pencil fall to the ground. How could they do this to me? I felt my jaws drop, it was like they were almost hitting the floor.

“Daniel you go first with Ashley!”

I saw my class mates stand up on the stage.

“Oh and we need a pianist. Any volunteers?”

Honestly I didn’t feel like playing the piano, but everyone in this class could do it, it was one of the other things we had been practicing as well. It was the best art class I had ever had, and that was why I chose it.

“Amy what about you?”

“I don’t know if I can play it Mrs. McKenzie.”

“Just do your best.”

I put down my note board and walked frigidly up to the stage where my class mates were already placed ready to sing on the stage. I sat down behind the piano and took a deep breath. I was better than they knew. I had been playing perfectly for God knows how long and I always become a whole other person whenever I was placed behind the piano, but right now, right now I was really nervous. I didn’t really know what to do about myself, and I felt misplaced when I was sitting on the stage with people staring at me.

“I’m sorry… which song are you gonna sing again?”

Mrs. McKenzie handed me the notes and I looked at them. Lucky for me this was some of the easiest notes I had ever seen, so it wouldn’t be a big problem playing them, but I was still nervous and I still felt misplaced.

I took a deep breath placed my fingers over the keys but stopped before I barely started playing.

“Can I just have a second to play it through before you start singing?”

“Sure, just get yourself started.”

Ashley rolled her eyes at me and I suddenly felt even more fragile and watched. I played the verse twice and then they started singing. I of course messed up as soon as Ashley’s awful singing started. She was a great actor, but singing wasn’t something she would ever be able to do properly.

Mrs. McKenzie stopped them both and partnered different people up. She kept me behind the piano, even though I hated sitting there. By the end of the class when I had been playing the same 4 chords song over and over again, everyone left but as there was a short break before next period I decided to stay even though I would have about 10 minutes less to get to my next class. 

I started playing something a bit harder, and way more beautiful if you ask me. 

"Everywhere I'm looking now, I'm surrounded by your embrace, baby I can see your halo, you know you're saving grace. You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face, baby I can feel your halo, pray it won't fade away." 

"I think I found someone who's starting in glee club." 

"Please Mrs. McKenzie. I already told Mr. Smith that I didn't want to audition." 

"But Amy sweetheart you have an amazing voice. The world deserves to hear your talent. Please just rethink going there."

"As I told him, I don't want to sing in front of people." 

"Why not?" 

"It's complicated. I'm sorry I have to get to class." 

I took my bag from the floor as soon as I had gotten up from the chair I was misplaced at and stormed out of the door, making sure I didn't bump into my teacher. 

Jeremy was my teacher for my next class. Honestly I didn’t feel like having an English class right now, but somehow, what I had just been told made me more comfortable about being in here. I kept the music at the back of my head an only focused on some of the things I was able to do without anyone making fun of me.

I kept a low profile all day, but at lunch break someone broke my low profile. The screens started playing something in the halls and in the canteen. I looked around confused and looked up at the big screen. They were talking about the glee club and who should be in it from the art class. Soon a video clip of me playing the piano and singing Beyoncé’s halo was showed on the screen. Apparently they had written me up for glee club anyway.

I soon heard people laughing, while some were shocked to hear that I actually did have a voice of my own.

“Look it’s Amy Johnson apparently she isn’t just some deaf midget.”

I heard Tyler yell all the way across the room and people soon started laughing.

“Don’t you wanna give us an encore of that Amy? We want to hear you. All of us.”

I turned my head and looked the other way. I didn’t want to sing in front of them. They were never meant to hear me sing in the first place. I couldn’t believe my teachers would do this to me.

“What’s wrong? Are you still death midget?”

I pushed the tray that was placed in front of me away. I didn’t feel like eating when they were standing around me like a group of people being better than me.

“You better fucking answer me when I’m speaking to you.”

Tyler pushed me hard over the shoulder, making my chair turn around so I was facing him. I still didn’t say anything. I kept my mouth shut

He took a hold of my chin and forced me to face his eyes for a couple of seconds before I forced myself to look away again.

“Now sing for the rest of the school you pity little whore.”

“That’s enough Mr. McGraw. Leave Miss Johnson alone, and I’ll see you in detention.”

My English teacher Jeremy smiled down at to Tyler and handed him the note saying he had to be in detention after school. I couldn’t help but let out a little smile all over my face, but on the other hand I was quite scared, because if Jeremy had the glee club and detention it meant that Tyler would be at the glee club, it defiantly meant for me that I wouldn’t be going.

“And Amy I still expect you to come to glee club after school.”

“I don’t know sir. As I said, I don’t wish to be a part of it.”

“It’s a shame, you would be the best singer on the team.”

Jeremy left and I was left with Tyler facing me.

“Flirting with the teachers. That’s disgusting. You’re such a whore.”

He pushed me over the chest so I fell behind the chair. Somehow I had, had enough of all of this, but on the other hand I just took his words to me. People hated me anyway, so why wouldn’t he be.

 

I ran home as soon as the last period ended. I didn’t want to stay at the school for another second. People were picking on me, making fun of me, and the whole thing just wasn’t fair.

I was driving just over the speed limit all the way home. I was angry and my entire body was filled with hate towards the people who brought me down every single day.

I looked at myself in the mirror just after I had stopped the car. My make-up was a mess and so was my hair, but I couldn’t show it off. My mum couldn’t know. I adjusted my make-up and pulled my hair back in a ponytail, before I got out of the car. The fake smile was placed just as I stepped out of the car and closed the door behind me. This was gonna be okay, I kept telling myself just to make myself more secure.

“Hey mum.”

I smiled as I entered the room, leaving my bag at the foot of the stairs and giving myself another look in the mirror.

“Amy please come out in the kitchen.”

My mum’s serious voice always scared me, but I had already guessed what this was about. This was about what I didn’t tell her this morning, and what Jeremy had possibly called and told her. She probably already knew about Tyler and his gang.

“Sure just give me a second.”

I smiled to myself in the mirror. I had to play it cool instead of just crying my eyes out. I couldn’t break down now, not in front of the mirror and definitely not in front of my mum. I took a deep breath and entered the kitchen. Still quite insecure on myself, but I was better than the gang, so I could do this.

“What’s up?”

I placed myself by the table where she had placed two cups, obviously for the two of us as we were the only people here.

“Amy, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“About what’s going on at your school? Jeremy called and said he had given a student detention for bullying you. He said you didn’t want to be a part of the glee club either. What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sweetie we have to talk about this.”

“No we don’t mum. I’m fine. Honestly.”

“How can you be fine with all of these words thrown against you? And what about glee club? Sweetie your voice is amazing and you love singing.”

“No I used to love singing. I don’t enjoy it anymore. I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

“Sweetie I saw you in your room the other day.”

“You don’t understand it.”

“Then explain it to me. I want to help you.”

“You can’t help me with this okay. You don’t understand what it’s like.”

“Then help me to.”

“You would never understand mum! The endless words thrown to my head, against me, my singing, my car, my looks, my personality! Not to mention the prank calls, and how they always make fun of my music! Do you think that’s a life worth living? There’s a reason I don’t want to go to art class, there’s a reason I don’t want to join glee club! There’s a reason I don’t want to get up in the morning! I hate my life.”

My mum took her hands up and covered her mouth and tried hiding the tears that had come out of her eyes.

“You’re crying because it hurts you to hear? Now try living in it every single day. I’m sick and tired of life mum. I don’t like life anymore. I don’t like music anymore. I don’t like breathing. I don’t like sleeping. I don’t like anything okay?”

My mum cried even harder, she knew the pain I went through. She finally understood, but this would also be the first time in years.

“You know what the only thing keeping up right now is? That I can go home and have this silent zone with myself. Home is my safe zone. It’s where I can write, play and just be me. Because this is where I enjoy being, but as soon as my phone’s ringing it’s all ruined because people are making fun of me.”

I started crying. The tears went nuts as they were streaming down my face. I wanted to hide it all away. I wanted to be pain free. No child should see their mum cry, but this is what I did right now.

“I don’t want this anymore mom.”

“I understand sweetie, I do. I really do understand. But I can help you push through this.”

Somehow I believed her words. I knew she could help me with all this, and she was going to. We just needed to take one day at the time.

I went to my room shortly after. I was angry, sad and yet relieved that everything was going to be okay with the support of my mum, and hopefully my dad as well.

Dinner was really awkward that night. Dad had come home early from his job, but he was still sitting in his cheap copied suit across the table from me and answering his calls through his earpiece.

“Jimmy, can you please unplug while we’re having a family issue to discuss.”

My mum looked at my dad with a serious expression written all over her face. Normally this would have scared the crap out of me, but she was right this time. My dad really needed to stay focused on what was going on so we could figure out a way of making this less painful for me.

“What do you want to do about this yourself Amy?”

“I don’t wanna go back to school.”

“Then it’s settled. I think you should stay home for a couple of days until we’ve been speaking with the principal. We need to do something about this.”

“But dad…-”

“No buts sweetheart. This is for your own good.”

“Jimmy let the girl speak.”

“She said herself that she wanted to stay home. Let her stay in her comfort zone for a couple of days and make her learn her own value.”

There was nothing more to discuss when my dad got to this point. I was going to stay out of school for a couple of days. Both my dad and I could agree that we thought this was what was best for me. At least for now it was.

When we had finished our awkwardly dinner I ran back to my room. I turned on my laptop and tried finding my comfort zone, but no matter what I did I just felt worthless. I went onto the blog I was running and started making a new post. I wanted to tell my readers what was going on at home. I only had about 10 readers. All from other parts of the world, but I didn’t care. They were at least nice people.

I started typing and soon I filled a page with everything that went through my head.

Out of school, for now

After a lot of episodes with bullying I finally broke today. I wanted to scream, cry and run away, lucky for me it didn’t get that far. An old friend of the family, also known as my English teacher saved me twice today. The entire day has actually been crap. I don’t really know what to do anymore, but that long talk with my mum really helped me out a lot.

When I was at the school today my teacher wanted me to play the piano. I haven’t played for a long time, but those 4 chords songs that she put in front of me, where just too easy. I played a bit for myself later. I even sang… it’s the first time I’ve ever sung outside of my house since all the bullying started again. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, as soon as my teacher heard me. She wanted me to join the glee club, and I was even taken out of it and the video clip of me singing was showed to the entire school. It was so embarrassing and my bullies were just being really mean about it.

When dad got home we had some sort of conversation through the dinner. I’m out of school for now. My parents are taking this serious. Somehow I like it but on the other hand I’m scared. What is nothing’s gonna be better? What if everything is actually gonna be worse?

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...