Sleepless Nights

When One Direction travels to Australia to a resort owned by Zayn's childhood friend, Molly, things change fast for Harry and he gets a whole new perspective on life.


2. two


I ran a hand through my hair and curled up in the window sill. I told the boys I wasn't feeling too well and just wanted to rest, cause honestly, I didn't feel like going out with them, at least not today. I swallowed hard and tried to focus on not doing anything bad. I clearly wasn't feeling good, so actually I wasn't lying to them. They'd been gone for about 4 hours now, so I guessed they would be home soon. The clock was already eleven, so I thought I could just as well go to bed now. I had nothing else to do.


My head was leaning against the cold, white bathroom wall. It was around midnight and my head was a mess. The night is when the ghosts all come out. Playing with my head, spin it all around. The sentence kept playing in my head over and over. Not that I mind. I like it. According to myself, it's one of the best songs I've ever written. With a sigh, I got up on my legs and walked unsteady out of the bathroom. I soon had to lean against another wall. My migraine was getting back again and I were out of medication. Or I had them, just not here. I was only wearing a thin long sleeved sweater in black and a light-blue comfy shorts. My hair was still moist after the shower I took a few hours ago and I was wearing my glasses, but I went out and towards the hotel anyhow.


Frustrated and concerned, I pulled a hand through my hair. He'd never been so bad, at least not when I've seen him. I had no idea what to do. He was just sitting one floor, curled up like a ball, refusing to eat or literally do anything. "I'll get us some water, Harry, I'll be back soon. I promise", I said looking over at him. As expected, I didn't get an answer, so I just went out. I breathed out and closed my eyes for a minute, before I opened them up and saw Molly walking through the hallway. She looked just as surprised to see me as I were to see her. "What are you doing here this late? I thought you owned an apartment 5 minutes from the hotel?", I asked followed by a yawn. "3 minutes, but whatever. I got new medication this morning and forgot 'em in my locker. What's up with you, anything wrong? You seem frustrated", she said fast tilting her head while looking at me. I sighed heavily out and really wanted to tell her. Maybe she knew what I should do. "It's a long story", I said yawning. "I ain't going anywhere", the blonde girl replied pulling her shoulders. And just as I was done giving her the short version of the story, another person showed up in the hallways of the hotel.

"What are you people doing here? It's like 3am", Zayn asked yawning looking at the two persons sitting in the middle of the hallway. "I could've asked you the same", Molly replied pulling her shoulders. Zayn sighed. "I'm just getting something to drink down in the automat down the hall. Now you go", Zayn said looking at them. "Forgot my pills in the locker-room", Molly told looking at him. Zayn just shook his head. "Well, good night. Or maybe I should rather say good morning", Zayn said as he disappeared down the hall.

Molly raised up. "Go to your girl, Niall. I'll talk to him", she said. I wasn't in the mood for arguing right now. I was tired and confused on what to do with the whole Harry-situation. Maybe Molly knew. When he thought back, he were pretty sure Zayn told about her once and that she had an recovery blog. I didn't know what for, but at the moment it didn't really matter. "Okay, just ..", I started before she cut me off. "Relax. I've done this before", she told in a way which made Niall more calm.


It was true what I told him. I have done this before, but mostly on myself to be honest or through the internet. I mean, I've helped Zayn a couple times, but I mostly am all alone. I like it that way too. I like being alone. I'm used to it. Or I've had some boyfriends over the year and I did like them and everything but I was younger that time and well. Actually age didn't matter, I've always been mature for my age but agin I've always had trust issues and I don't really let anyone in.

I took a breath and walked into the room. Harry sat silently leaning against the bed with his eyes closed. I took small steps towards him and sat down in front of him. "Do you want to go for a walk?", I asked biting the inside of my cheek. He looked up with tears in his eyes. "Where's Niall?", he stuttered with a shaky voice. "He needed to sleep, Harry", I said calmly. "And you don't?", he asked wiping away a tear forming in his eye. "I do, but you know, I can't sleep", I said honestly. "Me neither", he replied giving me a sad smile. I raised up and held my hand towards him. "Let's take a walk", I said giving him a weak, yet warm smile. He looked at me before he slowly raised up. I took his hand in mine and led him towards the door. "I don't have any shoes", he said,again weeping new tears away. "Me neither", I said changing a grip on my hand so instead of dragging him after me, I was more holding his hand.

Holding hands was according to me a friendly thing. I don't think it's a couple thing really although I probably wouldn't hold another guys hand if I had a boyfriend, but for the moment I don't. I heard from Niall that Harry didn't have one neither. He thought that was the reason why he had been so sad lately. I wasn't completely sure about that. It might be one of the reasons, but I think it's deeper than that.

Harry and I walked down the hotel hallways. We didn't meet anyone and I think Harry was sort of happy for that. I could still hear him sobbing quietly and gave his hand a squeeze every now and then. I opened up the same door as I came in before I once again locked it. "Where are we going?", he asked looking at me. "Wait and see. It's my favorite place around here", I told him as I looked into his eyes. He nodded slowly. We passed my house on the way and I pointed it out for him. "It's only about 100 meters left up this way", I told as I lead the way up the 'mountain'. "I found this place by a coincidence actually. I was feeling upset one day and needed to just get away, and so I found this place. The view is incredible, especially at night", I told him. I tried to keep talking even though he didn't reply. Sometimes it helps just hearing a voice so you feel less alone, you know.

All of a sudden I started to remember what happened earlier today or tonight actually. I broke down. I remember it now. When I heard about Harry, I had to forget. Maybe it was for the best. Who knows what else could've happened? Sometimes I don't even trust myself. I could've started drinking and take an overdose on the pills. I could be dead by now or just all alone with my murdering thoughts. Now I had to be the strong one once again. It was often like that. People needed me every time I needed them. And as I am me, I can't ask for help. I just can't. My voice just dies away every time.

I broke out of my own little shell of thoughts as I realized we were here. I sat down in the grass and took Harry down with me considering we were still holding hands. I looked up to the sky and all the stars. That's one of my favorite things about Aussie, the star-filled heaven. You see every single star so good. Especially on a cloud free night like this. "It's beautiful", I heard Harry say low. I nodded as a response.

"Harry", I started looking into his eyes. He looked at me back. "I ain't going to pressure you to tell me anything you don't want to. But if you want to talk, know that I am always there. Whatever it is, I've probably either heard it or done it before myself, so nothing really surprise me", I said slow. He looked away from me and took his hand from mine. I swallowed and laid a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He was sobbing quietly again. I knew it was hard, but I had to say it. "Let's go to my place", I said quietly  and got up. Harry slowly raised up too. I took his hand again and instead of pushing it away, he took mine too.


I followed Molly into her house and felt sort of relaxed. The media already knew I was in Australia at the Maria resort. I didn't want them to see me crying and it was a risk for that even though no one probably knew of it. Inside of Molly's house, I felt safer. It was a little hidden away from the hotel. If you didn't knew it was there, you probably wouldn't find it.

Molly took me into the kitchen and placed me on a chair. I looked after her as she wandered around in the kitchen looking for something. I wiped away a few tears and somehow my look landed on the window. There was a black cat sitting outside the window. Molly must have seen it too because she walked over to the window, opened it up and lifted it in. The cat curled up in her arms and she held it as it was a baby. "You're not allergic to cats?", she asked looking at me. I shook my head. I prefer dogs over cats, but I like cats too. I really wish I had a dog, but I don't have anyone to watch them when I'm away you know. "This is Lucifer. He hates most people, but I think he'll like you", Molly continued handing me the cat. When she said it hated almost everyone, I got sort of skeptical. The cat sniffed and smelled me for a while before it curled up in my lap. "I have a dog at home too, but he doesn't like the long plane ride, so he's home", she continued. "I want a dog too, but I'm worried who's gonna look after it when I'm out on tour", I admitted as I slowly started petting her cat. "I have no life. If you get one and need help, I can look after it", she said pulling her shoulders. "But-but what about school? And you already have a dog and a cat", I said confused looking at her. She was standing with the back against me trying to pull something huge out of a locker. "Lucifers probably not going back, he's staying in Aussie. He's my age you know, 17 and that's pretty much for a cat. I'm talking human years. And Buttercup back home, he likes everyone and everything", Molly said turning around as she had gotten the huge thing out. I think it was a water boiler. "School? Puppies can't be alone a whole day", I said looking at her. It was a nice offer of course, but I felt she was giving me false hope just because she didn't think it through. Molly simply pulled her shoulders. "I ain't stupid. Buttercup was a puppy too once. And for the matter of fact, I don't even go to school. I dropped out", she told me. I raised my eyebrows in confused. She pulled a hand through her hair and breathed out. "I'm sick, Harry. Both physically and mentally. I barely went to school for the past three years anyways", she told me looking into my eyes. There was no doubt about the fact that she was telling the truth.

- Skip 2 hours -


My cup dropped to the floor and shattered into a million pieces. The hot tea was everywhere including on my naked feet. After the scream, there was sobbing. I quickly ran into the living room. Harry was awake. He was sitting up holding around himself. When I left, he was asleep on my couch. I sat in the chair besides. I was only getting a cup of tea at the kitchen when he woke up in panic.

"Hush hush", I whispered laying a hand on his shoulder and sitting down next to him. "I-I wok-ke up a-and you were n-not there", he stuttered still sobbing. "I'm sorry Harry. I was just getting a cup of tea", I replied calmly rubbing his back. He continued sobbing quietly. I tried to think of something that could help when I remembered my rooftop. "Come", I said taking his hand and pulling him after me once again, but this time up the stairs where my bedroom and bathroom were.

Over my bed I have this huge window and when I can't fall asleep, I often climb up and sit on the roof watching the stars. Since I spend pretty much time up there, I have a few pillows and blankets up there to make it more comfortable. I let go of his hand and watched as Harry wrapped his arms around himself. I stood up on my bed and opened the window as I felt the fresh air towards my face. I threw my left leg up and placed a hand on the roof and pulled myself up. "Harry", I asked softly and looked at him. He looked up at me with red, teary eyes. I reached him my hand and he slowly reached out and took it as I helped him up the window.

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