Depression in Society

I am trying so hard to conceal my feelings, but it is so hard, I can feel cracks starting to show.

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4. Chapter 4

I woke up sweating and gasping for air, what was I dreaming about? I can’t remember. I look down at my arms and see that they are dripping in blood and they hurt like a bitch. What the fuck?! What happened? I look around and see blood all over the freshly painted white walls, red bloody handprints everywhere. The shaggy black carpet cannot be seen because it is covered with clothes, bloody clothes. What was once a cosy room would now give a murderer nightmares. My fiance Chris lays next to me on our Parisian bed spread with cuts all over his arms and in between us lays a kitchen knife stained red with blood. Chris leans over and whispers in my ear ‘It’s time.’ And then I woke up.

I keep having the same dream over and over. Not so much a dream, more like a nightmare. It is hard enough living with the knowledge that my fiance is dead, going to sleep was my only escape, but not anymore. Every night for the past few weeks I have been having the exact same dream at the exact same time. I have tried counselling, sleeping with the light on, staying at a friends place and every other type of distraction imaginable. But nothing seems to be working. I look at the alarm clock, it’s 12:00 pm, fuck I have to get ready for work. I get undressed and step into the shower, I turned the hot tap all the way on without bothering to adjust the cold tap. As the hot water runs over my body I hear the front door open. I am probably just imagining things. I grab the shampoo and rub it into my hair. I close my eyes to wash it out and as I put my head under the shower head I hear footsteps coming toward the bathroom, my eyes jolt open and I peer out of the shower to look into the rest of the bathroom. Nothing, I knew I was imagining things. I finish washing out my shampoo and lather my hair in conditioner. The same thing happened when I washed out the conditioner, so again I looked out of the shower and I saw nothing except for Chris getting undressed coming to join me in the shower.

 

Wait Chris is back, in the excitement of the moment I jump out of the shower and run over to hug him, I am half way across the bathroom when I realise that he isn’t there, I was hallucinating, but it’s too late now, I can’t stop. In the heat of the moment I make a failed attempt to stop but end up falling straight on my ass. When I land I hear a loud thump and a not so loud crunch. I scream out in pain and roll onto my side in tears.

“Shit,” I yelp

It feel like my tailbone is broken. I reach for the phone and dial Emma’s number. After 2 rings she picks up.

“Hello,” she answers

“I need help,” I tell her

“What. What’s wrong?”

“I just need help, can you come over? Like now!” I half tell half ask

“Okay, I’ll be over in 5” she says, and then she hangs up.

 

The next five minutes were the longest 5 minutes. I spent it lying on the floor in agony. When Emma arrived I realised that the door was locked. I tried telling her to kick down the door because I just couldn’t get up. She tried to kick the door down but she is 5’1 so I knew that it wouldn’t work.

“Hold on like 2 seconds I will go and get Jake,” of course she will go and get her boyfriend to help her.

I swear she can't do anything without him, she can't even stay the night without spending at least two hours on the phone to him, it's a pain in the ass.

My train of thought is broken but a loud pounding at the door followed by a cracking noise. The next thing I know the door is in pieces and Jake is on the floor.

"Babe are you okay?" Emma squeals

"Yeah, I just fell through the door, you're welcome by the way," God he is so cocky.

"Thanks," I say. Full of sarcasm.

As Emma kerfuffles over Jake I continue to wince in pain.

“Oh sorry Absidy, what’s wrong?” she asks, she could have at least tried to sound concerned.

“I slipped getting out of the shower and landed on my ass,” I tell her embarrassed.

“Well let's get some clothes for you and then we will take you to the doctor,”

Crap. I forgot that I didn’t get clothes on before I ran over to what I thought was Chris. I have never been more embarrassed in my life. Emma walks back over with my work clothes and passes them down to me. I quickly slide into them, wincing with every move. Jake and Emma help me up and half carry half drag me to the car.

 

When we arrive at the doctors and we wait in the waiting room until my name is called.

“Ms Jones,” my name is called

I walk into the room and shut the door behind me.

“So what appears to be the problem?”

“I think I broke my tailbone,” I tell Dr Singh

“How did it happen?”

“Well I slipped on the tiles when I got out of the shower,”

“Well we will put you in for some x-rays, and we will see you again tomorrow,”

 

The next few hours were boring, I went to the x-ray clinic, got an x-ray, went home and slept. I woke up to my alarm.

*beep, beep, beep*

Ugh, I actually have to get up so that I can go to my doctors appointment. The car ride takes forever, but thankfully when I walk into the doctor's surgery there is no wait and I am taken in straight away. As soon as I sit down Dr. Singh starts talking,

“We have your results. Some good, some unexpected,” he tells me with quite a concerned tone

“Some unexpected?” I ask

“Well.. You only have internal bruising and nothing is broken,”

“And..”

“You. You are pregnant,”

 
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