My Side of the Tapestry

A collection of my thoughts, feelings and what it's like to be me. ~Warning: Extremely depressing~

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13. 19/9/2015

I've been hit with the dreaded cold that has been floating around movellas. I feel absolutely awful. On top of that, I have started my meds and I don't know whether I'll be getting any side affects, which sucks. I'd rather know if I'm going to end up a suicidal insomniac with a banging headache.

The meds I'm taking are prescribed to sufferers of depression, anxiety, OCD, gender dysphoria among other conditions. It's amazing that such a small tablet, approximately the size of a hay fever tablet, can be used to help with a variety of things.

The meds also have a huge variety of side effects, such as nausea, insomnia, headaches, seizures and more, but the scariest one is that in the first two to four weeks, I am at risk of suicidal thoughts and tendencies.

Why am I telling you this? To help you understand why I may not be myself for a few weeks. Also, so you can learn what it's like to be a sufferer of depression taking the first steps to recovery. 

I will be having regular appointments with my doctor to make sure I'm stable and not about to take three months worth of meds at once. I won't be attending therapy. I've been down that route before and it didn't help. I was a psychology student, I know how therapists work. It's a bunch of questions which make you think, and if you have to be seen urgently, like if you're about to do something stupid, it's just a stalling technique to calm you down and bring out of that mental state. 

My therapist tried different types of talking therapy, different ways to ask the same question, but I saw through it and gave the same answer I had for the past 50 questions. In the end, we established talking therapy doesn't work for me.

I'd like to thank everyone who has been supportive recently, especially Lexi, and all those who will support me in the future.

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