Standing Here At Midnight

Just a short little outlet of emotions from a few months ago when things got a bit rough. Sometimes the hardest decision you have to make is between trying harder or giving up.

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1. Within The Dark

I thought things were getting better. I thought everything would be ok. But now I'm trapped in the familiar world of hostility with fear as my loyal companion. I try to do what's best for everyone but someone always ends up getting hurt. I can't do this anymore.

He said he loved her, but why did he do this? He says it's not his fault, but whose fault is it? We're becoming entrapped in a cycle of misery, denying that we're even broken, that the world isn't falling down around us. But is this happiness? Is this love? Because if right is him leaving, she'd rather be wrong.

I never realised what a slippery slope love could be. How vulnerable trust can make you. Where do we draw the line? How can I make sense of this? She wants me to forgive and forget, but how do you ignore a reopened wound? Where's the healing in ignorance?

If I walk away, am I no better than him? The struggle is gone, but the love fades away. I can't abandon her. I'm told to do what's best for me, but I can't be oblivious to them. I can't just switch off. No matter how much I want to.

Whatever happens, nobody wins. Do I lock my heart away until the next time it's trampled? I will stand by her side no matter what, but will that mean opening the door to fresh pain? The old pain is there...it's always there. Spoken in words never said, binding us together and tearing us apart.

How long will this last?

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