Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.


30. Thirty

It's six weeks into our relationship when it feels like a proper, serious relationship. It's at six weeks when things all settle down. I still get dirty looks in the corridor from time to time and my dad still hates Harry but other than that it's all very settled. We spend a lot of our time together, we're the clear couple in group situations, there are lots of hand holding and staying up all night on the phone to each other. 

It's a Saturday afternoon and I'm hanging out at his house and we decided today was a day where we are basically the biggest slobs of life. We do nothing but sit and watch TV and we let ourselves eat whatever junk food we want and it's such a silly little thing but it's so much fun too. I'm a giddy kind of happy today, I'm in that mood where literally everything is funny to me. We're just in the kitchen getting out ingredients to make cookie dough and he spills flour and I'm crying with laughter because of the whole giddy mood and he's laughing too just because of how funny I'm finding it. 

"It's not funny!" he says but he bursts out laughing again too. 

"It was your face!" I squeal, leaning against him. "I can't breathe."

The front door opens then and Brie calls out a "Hello!"

"Hi!" Harry shouts back, our laughter finally dying down a little. 

"Go find him then!" we hear Brie say and then out of nowhere, a little toddler comes running in. I stop in my tracks and smile at Harry, confused. I didn't know he had a little cousin or nephew or anything. 

"Who's this?" I ask him, smiling down at the little boy. 

"Uh..." Harry says, his face completely white. 

"Daddy!" the little boy says, putting his arms up and my heart drops. I can't have heard that right. 

"Hello little man!" Harry picks him up and I just stare at them both. Harry's not looking at me but his cheeks are flushed red. I have no idea what's going on. 

"Did you find Daddy?" Brie says as she walks into the kitchen and her face drops when she sees me. "Alice."

"Hi." I say, my voice shaking. I just keep looking at Harry with the little boy. Daddy. None of this makes sense to me. I know I'm about to either cry or get angry or something and however blurred all my thoughts are right now I know I can't do that in front of this little boy so I just go into the hall and grab my coat. 

"Alice." Harry says like everything's normal but his face is as white as a sheet. I'm pretty sure mine is too. 

"I've gotta get back for dinner." I say stupidly. Brie's looking at me like she knows she made a mistake. She clearly didn't know I was here but it's not her fault. I honestly have no idea what to think about anything right now, all I can think to do is leave. 

When I get home, thankfully my parents are out so I just go straight up to my room and sit there, trying to figure things out. He has a kid. He's a dad, he has a child, and he didn't tell me that. I guess that was what everybody was on about when they were saying how he had reasons to be stressed and I guess that was what he meant was so serious with that last girl. I feel like I should be crying right now, I should be sad or angry or something but I'm just in shock. I've never been more confused as to what I'm supposed to think in my life. I can't figure anything out yet, all I have in my head is the imagine of him stood there holding his son and looking at me like I found something out that he never intended to tell me.

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