Hurdles

Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.

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32. Thirty two

Of course the guys surround me at my locker at the first chance they get. If it was any other argument maybe at this point I'd be okay with that, I'd want to hear their explanations, but I still feel stupid. I feel angry that I feel stupid too, I shouldn't be the one who feels embarrassed but I do. 

"Excuse me." I say, not meeting any of their eyes. 

"Alice, hear us out, please." Dan says and I shoot a look at him. 

"Please, move out the way." I say again and he looks a little more nervous. 

"Alice, you can't just not listen to us."

"I can." I say. "And do you think it looks good that the group of boys is crowding around me stopping me from going anywhere?" 

"Guys, you go." Harry says and they all glance at me once more before walking away. I can't even look at Harry so I just focus on the ground still. 

"I don't know why you think you can talk to me either." I say, shutting my locker and trying to walk away but he follows. 

"You have to at least hear me out!" he says. "I can explain!" 

I go into the girl's bathroom to just get away from him but he just follows me in. I frown at him, shocked. 

"Get out!" I exclaim. 

"Listen to me." he says, just as frustrated. 

"No!" I say, close to tears for some reason. I just feel like I've been really taken advantage of and I don't want to be a fool by just forgiving him. 

"I was too scared to tell you." he says and I try and leave but he blocks the door. "I knew I'd lose you if you found out."

"Stop." I say so harshly he flinches a little. He just looks at me, shocked, and I'm a little shocked at how different I sounded to even myself but I keep that front. "Harry, leave me alone from now on. I mean it."

He just stares at me and steps aside and I feel him watch after me as I walk away. That group of mean girls are stood nearby laughing at me and I never usually let things like that get to me but I start to cry then. From finding out about Harry to having, to avoiding them all all the time, to barely sleeping- it's been a lot. And then those girls laughing at me, just confirming any feelings of being a fool that I have, it just made me feel so much sadder. 

"Hey." Dan strides up to me as I'm on my way out. "Hey, why are you crying?" 

"Stop!" I shout. "All of you just stay away from me!"

I haven't been the kind of miserable that makes me want to just stay in bed for a long time but I'm that kind of miserable now. I go home that afternoon and just go and lay in bed. So far my parents have done pretty well with just letting me be sad but I should have known that was too good to be true because that night they both come into my room. 

"Hey sweetie." Dad says. "Are you not feeling well?" 

"Mhm." is all I say, rolling over to face them. 

"We heard about Harry." my mum says, sitting by me and stroking my hair. "I'm sorry sweetheart, that must be tough."

"It is." I say. "It's tougher because everybody knew apart from me so I'm mad with everybody and I have no friends and these mean girls are laughing at me and the guys won't leave me alone."

"Maybe it's a good thing that they won't leave you alone." my dad suggests. "It shows they care."

"I don't care how much they care." I say bluntly. "They should have told me."

"But sweetheart, it was Harry's-"

"To tell, I know, it was Harry's to tell." I snap. "But if I'd have known and he got that far into a relationship or even friendship with a girl without any indication that he was going to tell her the truth, I would have told her. And if it was me with the child, I would have told him as soon as we started getting close."

Mum sighs. "Alice, you're very special to Harry."

"Mhm." I say but my heart aches a little. 

"And he's very special to you."

"He was. Not anymore."

I'm not looking at them but I can see they're exchanging a glance like I'm wrong and they're right and I hate that. With this entire situation I feel like everybody's seeing me as stupid or like I'm not right in being angry but I know I am and the only people who agree with me are in England. The whole thing's just making me feel quite alone, more miserable, and I don't really know how to stop feeling like this.

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