Hurdles

Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.

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36. Thirty six

The tables have turned with Harry and I. Now it's my turn to see him looking angry around school and honestly, it's not fun at all. I know we said we were staying away from each other, but I think it will be easier to do that if we talk one more time and just get everything out in the open. I text him after school telling him to meet me at the diner and he doesn't reply so I'm expecting him to stand me up but he does show me up, looking as pissed off as ever. 

"You've got ten minutes." he says, sitting opposite me. 

"Actually, you've got got ten minutes." I correct him. "I invited you here to get whatever's on your mind off it."

He raises an eyebrow. "What's on my mind?"

"Yes."

"What's on my mind is Jason, to be honest." he shrugs. "I'm struggling to see how much I mattered to you because I can't even think about being with another girl and here you are, just moving on completely fine."

"Okay, that's where you're wrong." I say, calmly. "I haven't moved on. Jason is just my friend, I have in no way gotten over you. Honestly, I'm still so upset. I just don't want you to be angry, I don't want either of us to be angry."

"I'm not angry." he says, exasperated. "I'm just really disappointed. I knew this would happen the next time I got a girlfriend and then you came along and I thought it would be different with you but then exactly what I was scared would happen happened."

"That's not my fault."

"So it's mine?" 

"No!" I say and sigh, feeling close to tears. "Harry, stop trying to turn it into an argument! It's not either of our faults, it just wouldn't work."

He takes a deep breath, shrugging. "I just wanted it to work so badly."

"I did too." I promise. "Just please don't keep punishing me for something that wasn't anybody's fault."

He nods. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I say and we're quiet for a moment. "I guess that's my ten minutes up."

He looks at me. "Can I change it to thirty?"

I smile a little, feeling all warm inside with him being himself again. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

We drive his car out to the look out and it's nowhere near sunset but it's definitely close enough. Things are kind of a little awkward between us but also almost back to normal. I'm on edge because I don't know what's supposed to happen after this, whether we'll go back to not being friends or whether we make being friends work, but there's a sense of calmness to this whole thing too. I think it's just being around him. 

"So." I say when we're sat on the car bonnet. "What's his name?"

"Who's name?" he says, like he's been in a world of his own and is just coming back. 

"You're son's." I say and he smiles. Then it's like the final weight has been lifted and we're pretty much back to how we were. I just hope it stays like this. 

"Robin." he says and chuckles to himself. "When she- Leigha- was pregnant, she was obsessed with Robin Hood, the cartoon version with the fox. As soon as she got to like eight months and was huge and at home all the time, she'd just sit and watch Robin Hood. I'd get home from school and we'd just sit and watch Robin Hood."

"That's so cute!" I laugh. "Oh my god, I love that. How old is he?" 

"He's one and a half." he says, smiling. "I wish he'd stay this little forever."

"Can I see a picture?"

"Yeah, of course." Harry says, getting his phone out and pulling up a photo. Robin truly is a beautiful little boy, he has the sparkliest, happiest little eyes. He looks so much like Harry but I can see elements that he must get from his mum. 

"He's so cute. He looks just like you." 

"Yeah." Harry smiles fondly, putting his phone away. "You know if you have any questions, now's the time to ask."

"I don't want to pry." 

"It's not prying when I give you permission." he chuckles. "Seriously, if you're curious, ask."

I shrug, still feeling bad. "I guess I was just wondering what happened with you and..." I trail off, forgetting her name. 

"Leigha?" he says and I nod. "I don't know. I guess once Robin was born, she realised it was her and I forever and she... she wanted to get as far away from that as possible. So we split up and ever since, I've seen Robin just as often as I can."

"How often is that?" I ask.

"Pretty often." he nods. "Every other night I'll pick him up and he'll either just come back to mine or I'll take him out somewhere before dropping him back off to Leigha. He'll stay at mine some weekends. I see him a lot, there's never been a problem with that."

"Do you still have to see Leigha a lot then?" 

He nods. "Every time I pick him up or anything."

"Is it difficult?" 

"I don't know." he shrugs. "I was in love with her, you know? Really, really in love with her. Not that I am anymore, but you know, when you see someone you used to love so much, it's weird."

"What, like every time we made awkward eye contact in the hall at school?" I joke and he laughs, shaking his head. 

"The difference is I still love you." he says and I think he meant for it to be another lighthearted comment but his smile fades a little and so does mine and the mood's more serious. He looks at me for a moment and then slowly moves his face closer to mine. 

"I still love you." he says again like he's making sure I heard. 

"I love you too." I tell him and he kisses me. This is different to a weight being lifted off my shoulder, this is like a happiness beyond that. I relax for the first time in what feels like forever and he relaxes onto me too and I think if I could stop time for one moment in my life, it would be this one. 

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