Hurdles

Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.

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35. Thirty five

I miss Harry so much. 

He's all I think about, I really try to think of anything but him but it doesn't work. I think what's making me so sad is because there's no other way to go around it, we just can't be together or be friends or anything anymore and I just have to get used to that but I don't want to just get used to it. I don't hang out with any of them in school, I told the guys to just stay with him because it'd be too awkward if they had to split their time between the two of us. I still see them out of school sometimes and I talk to them, but it's not the same as it used to be. 

I have English for the first time since that weekend and it's almost painful walking in. I can't help looking straight to Harry who is keeping his eyes on his notebook.

"Hey little Alice." Dan grins at me but I can tell he's nervous for me. "How are you?" 

"Good, thanks." I smile at him before going to the other side of my room to find my seat. 

Sir starts class and I notice Dan frowning at me. I frown back and he gestures to my usual seat in front of him. I shrug, shaking my head and he get his phone out. I get a text from him:

Wtf are you doing sat over there

I reply:

What do you think?? 

He replies:

You are still friends with the other ten of us you know

I reply:

I know, but I don't want to make him uncomfortable and I'd find it uncomfortable too

He sends several messages in a row then:

Wait
No no no
Don't tell me you're not coming to the game tonight.
If you say you're not coming to the game tonight, so help me god

I really don't want to go to that game tonight. I reply:

Dannnnn

He replies:

He won't even know you're there! You won't have to talk to him! Please Alice, it's a big game.

I look over at him and he's giving me his typical puppy dog eyes. However stupid it is, I really can't say no. And maybe he's right, they are all my friends, why would I not go and support them in such a big game? It's not like I even have to look at Harry let alone talk to him. I catch up with Jason at lunch and he says he'll come with me to keep me company. I am glad to have him as a friend throughout all of this. He's not really a close friend, not one I'll talk to about it all, but he's a good friend to have.

It does feel good to be out of the house that night and surprisingly enough, watching that game is really relaxing. The boy's aren't doing so well though, they're losing which is different for them. It gets to half time and they're all going off the pitch when someone from the other team goes over to Tom and shoves him, hard. I stand up, worried. Tom turns around and shoves him back. I hear the other guy yell something at him but I can't tell what and then they're both pulling at each other's helmets and the fight is stopped before it properly begins and the guys are all rushing Tom back into the locker rooms. I get up and run down there, bursting into the locker room, Jason following me. 

"What happened?" I demand, looking over to Tom who's sat down, glaring at the ground. 

"That guy was mad thinking Tom nearly injured him or something so the guy made a racist comment." Elliot says, angry. "Tom had every right to fight back."

"I shouldn't have done it." Tom mutters. "Wasn't worth it."

"You have every right to be mad." Jason says angrily. "Can't we get him disqualified or something?" 

"Doesn't work like that in football I'm afraid." Dan says, clapping Tom on the back. "Good for you, fighting back man. Don't get caught up. I nearly went over and did it myself."

"Yeah, good for you man." Jason agrees. I hadn't even thought about Harry being in here, but he sighs heavily and stands up, storming out. On his way out, he hovers by me. 

"You don't have to date the next guy who comes along and doesn't have some burden." he says quietly but harshly. "And you don't have to fucking show it off to me."

He leaves then and I sigh, feeling defeated. I look out into the corridor but I can't see him and I don't want to waste my time talking to him now when he's too angry to listen to me properly anyway. I'm more worried about Tom right now anyway, I don't think I've ever seen him upset at all and it's kind of scary. Not that I can blame him for being so upset. The fact that anything like racism is still going on is just ridiculous to think.

"Alright." he says, getting up and jumping a little like he's shaking it off. "I'm not going to let it bother me. Let's just go out and win."

They all get up and run back out to the field, all of them high fiving me on their way out and I feel this little glow of happiness. I can't even imagine my life back in England without these boys. When I first started being friends with them, I couldn't imagine caring about them the way I do now. I love them as much as I love Nicole, Jaclyn and Kylie now and I take it for granted a lot of the time, but feeling this proud of all of them pulls me out of my mood. At least for tonight.

 

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