Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.


62. Sixty two

I'm so sad to be back in London. Our old house was actually back on the market so we manage to get it back but that makes everything so much worse, like the past two years didn't even happen. It was just like some long vacation and it feels like it didn't even matter because we're just back. Plus, I have no idea what I'm meant to do with my life right now. I'd planned to go to college over there, I have no motivation to make new plans here with university or an internship or anything. 

I don't do much in my first couple of days back. The guys and Leigha message me but I don't really reply because I don't like thinking of everybody back there. My friends here get in touch with me too because they're keen to do something but I tell them we're busy moving everything in and I'm really tired so we'll do something next week. I've been just ignoring Harry's texts and calls because I know if I talk to him, I'll think too much about it and just feel even worse. 

"Have you talked to Harry recently?" my mum asks me one day when we're having dinner. 

"Yeah." I lie. 

"Oh okay." she says. "Brie and Daniel said that he said he hasn't heard from you."

"Oh." is all I say. 

He tries to call me yet again that night and after what my mum told me earlier I don't feel like I can ignore him today. Plus, it's not really fair on him.

"Hey." I say when I answer. 

"Hey stranger." he says happily. "You've stopped ignoring me."

I laugh a little. "I wasn't ignoring you. I've just been catching up on sleep and stuff."

"Right." he says and I feel like he's not buying it so I change the subject. 

"What are you doing?" I ask.

"I'm just driving home from practice, talking to this girl who hasn't spoken to me for three days and wondering what her deal is. What are you doing?"

"Just in my room talking to some guy who sounds really suspicious of me for no reason." 

"Well I bet that guy is going to let you off because you're so cute."

"That guy had better."

He chuckles. "Just because you're pretty. I'm onto you next time."

I hate hearing him be so sweet and loving like he is when I'm there. I just miss him so much more. I'm pretty sure I'd rather we just weren't speaking at all, even if that meant he was mad at me or whatever, it'd just be easier than this. 

"You're quiet." he observes. "How are you doing over there?" 

"Okay." I lie. "How is everyone over there?" 

"Okay. We all miss you a lot. It's kind of sad."

"I miss you all too." I tell him, a lump in my throat. 

"I love you." he says and I close my eyes. I don't want to have a conversation like this. "Nothing's changed just because you're over there."

"I know." I say. "I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to sleep."

"Okay. Night Alice, love you."

I pretend I didn't hear and hang up. I feel sadder than ever. Regardless of what he said, things have changed and that's why I don't want to think about anybody back home, because it makes all the changes way too obvious. 

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