Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.


63. Sixty three

It is good to be around my friends all the time again. It's weird to be invited every time they do something but good too. I just got so used to them being my other group of friends rather than me being an actual part of it. I like it though, I'm still mad with my parents so it's nice to spend time with me friends and feel a little more comfortable about being here. 

One day we're sleeping at Kylie's when Nicole asks "Do you miss Harry, Alice?" 

I pause. He hadn't come up in conversation for the whole night and I was hoping it would stay that way. I don't want to talk about how sad I am leaving Austin with anybody, even my friends. I just don't want to make a big deal of it and make everything worse. 

"No, I'm actually okay." I say. 

"Really?" Jaclyn asks. "I thought you'd be really upset."

"Yeah I thought you'd be missing him a lot." Kylie says. 

"No I'm doing fine." I lie. "We talk quite a lot."

"So you do miss him." Jaclyn sits up and looks at me like it all makes sense and I look back at her confused. "We know you're not talking to him a lot, he's told us."

I don't know why but the thought of them all discussing me behind my back makes me so angry. Why can't they just let me be, why do they have to get all involved? It's none of their business really. I phone Harry the next night and he sounds perfectly cheerful when he picks up. 

"You're gracing me with the sight of your caller ID. How wonderful of you!" 

"Why are you talking to my friends about me?" I ask, not in the mood for any of his jokes. 

"What do you mean?" he asks. 

"They told me that you said to them that I haven't been talking to you much."

"Well you haven't."

"Yeah, but I don't get why you had to talk to them about it!" I say, frustrated.

"Woah." he laughs a little but he sounds kind of annoyed too. "Calm down. For one, I was worried about you. You've been having two minute long conversations with me since you got there, this is the most I've heard you say in a long time. Forgive me for trying to find out if anything was wrong and doing my best to take care of you. Secondly, they talked to me first because they were worried too. They said you've been distant and not yourself and wanted to know if you've been the same with me, which you have. So yes we talked about you but it was to look out for you, so stop acting like such a brat about it."

"I'm not being a brat! You're overreacting!" 

"I am not overreacting!" he exclaims. "Alice, I don't know what's happening with you over there, but I've been over here worried about you. I've been the one calling you every night knowing that it's going to be me asking all the questions and you barely answering and me making sure you're okay and you not caring. I get that it's all very hard for you so I'm trying my best to be happy and I'm making an effort to talk to you, but honestly, I'm sick of it just being me putting the effort in because I'm upset too. So it's been great actually hearing your voice today, but I'm over it."

He hangs up and I just sit there, shocked. I had no idea he was upset. I consider calling him and saying I'm sorry and I'll try harder but I don't want to make promises I won't keep because recently, I don't feel like the kind of person who is going to try harder with this. Maybe we are just meant to break it off here. It'd make everything easier, if we just stopped this whole thing. That way we could actually move on from each other and it'd just be simpler. I call him again and he sighs when he picks up. 


"I think we should break up."

He hesitates. "Really?" 

"Yeah. It's just not working out is it?" 

"No, you're right, it's not."

I pause. "Okay."

I hang up and just sit, stunned by how easy that was and how quickly it all ended. I wait to feel sad but I don't yet. I don't think I've really thought about what happened yet and I don't know if I want to. Of course Dan phones me ten minutes later. 

"Hey." I say like nothing's happening. 

"Are you kidding me?" he says. "Really? Do either of you care at all?"

I sigh. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean that usually when you two fall out, Harry's on the phone to me for two hours and this time he just sent me a text saying it's over. And you just answer the phone with hey, like nothing's wrong."

"Well, there is nothing wrong."

He groans. "This is what annoys me about you two. You don't even try. As soon as you come across a little obstacle, you break up and then you go through this sad phase, and then you go through this whole we're friends again and there's all this tension and then you get back together and it's this perfect fairy tale. You don't take each other seriously."

"It's for good this time." I insist. "It's just not going to work with me being over here."

"What, so you and I can't be friends because you're over there?" 

I sigh. "Of course you and I can be friends, but it's just difficult to be in a relationship with someone who you can't see every day."

"You know what I think?" Dan says. "I think you actually miss him a lot and you do want to talk to him all the time and you want to be with him but you can't so you'd rather just forget he exists than actually try."

"It's just not going to work." I say and after Dan's said it to me, I do feel like I'm making excuses a little. But if excuses are what make all of this even the slightest bit easier, then I don't mind.

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