Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.


61. Sixty one

It just becomes more and more apparent that there's nothing I can do about moving away. It's a really bad first month after the whole idea first comes about. Everybody's upset, the boys, Leigha, me. At first there's all this angry talk about how they can't do this and different (unrealistic) ideas about how to stop it from happening but then it just fades because at the end of the day, even if I am eighteen I have no money of my own so what my parents say goes. It's just a bad month. Everybody's upset, I'm nervous about leaving, it's tense with my parents and I because I have all this resentment against them. Even spending time with Harry doesn't make me feel any better because all I can think about is the fact that we won't be able to do this for much longer. 

It all happens very fast too. I don't know, I just wanted longer, but within a couple of months all of our stuff is in boxes and we're ten minutes away from leaving for the airport. Everyone comes over to see me off and it's the worst thing. They all just sort of stand in this line and I just have to go to each and every one of them and say goodbye. I start crying as soon as I look at Dan and it just gets worse with every one of the boys I say goodbye to. This is the most unfair thing in the world. I love these guys, the last thing on earth I want to do is just leave them behind. I love the way we spend time together, I love the jokes we have, I just love this entire friendship and now I've got to leave it behind.

I get to Leigha next, before Harry, and she's got Robin with her. I pull her into a hug.

"I'm gonna miss you, you little whore." she jokes and I laugh but it's all shaky. 

"I'm going to miss you too. Skype me all the time." I tell her, pulling away and then crouch down to Robin's level, smiling at him. "Bye Robin!"

"No bye Alice!" he says in his little voice, his bottom lip wobbling. Leigha picks him up and he buries his head in her neck, breaking my heart. 

"Come here, little man." Harry comes over and Leigha passes Robin over to him. "Are you going to give Alice a smile?" Robin shakes his head and Leigha looks at me sadly. 

"I think you've got a little fan." she says and I laugh a little but honestly this is the most heartbreaking thing ever. She strokes Robin's hair and takes him back from Harry. "Robin, let's go and find Alice a flower?" 

"Okay." he perks up a little and they walk away, just leaving Harry and I looking at each other. All the other guys are a little way away talking to give Harry and I some privacy but privacy makes this so much more difficult.

"I don't know how we're meant to do this." he says, his voice cracking and I pull him towards me. He wraps his arms around me and I breathe him in and I am going to miss this feeling of happiness caused purely by him just being there. 

"I love you." I whisper. 

"I love you." he says back and then takes a deep breath, letting go of me. He just looks at me for a long moment and then wipes the tears from my cheeks. "Okay. Call me when you land."

"Okay." I say and then Robin runs over, a squished daisy in his hand. I smile at him as he hands it to me. 

"Thank you very much Robin!" I say and he beams. 

Not long after, I'm in the car, just driving away from everything I've grown to love so much. There is not one single thing I want to leave behind yet I have to leave everything. I keep thinking about Robin and how easily he cheered up and that's because he doesn't understand it properly.I just wish I could go back to that kind of blissful ignorance because all of this is too hard.

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