Hurdles

Our relationship. It wasn't sonnet inspiring, the story of it won't make thousands want to listen. But it was complicated and it was special to us. It was certainly more than I bargained for from just seeing a boy with a football helmet across the room.

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41. Forty one

I get a text from Dan that night:

How are you arguing again 

I reply:

I hate him 

He replies:

No you don't. 

I reply:

I know I don't but I feel like I do. 

He calls me then and I pick up with a plan to act like it's no big deal because then maybe he'll leave it alone. 

"Hey." I say. 

"I cannot believe you're arguing again." 

"I can." I say. "He never actually liked me at all, it can't be that hard for him."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dan sighs. 

"I thought you'd have figured it out. I was just like his little replacement all along."

He groans. "Alice, that's just not true."

"It is." I insist. "Everything he did with her, he did with me. And today we met up with her and now it's like he's gotten his priorities straight because he couldn't care less that we've fallen out."

"He does care. That's why he just spent an hour bitching to me over the phone."

I frown. "Yeah that sounds like he cares."

"Yes it does!" he says, exasperated. "Because he wouldn't be angry unless he did!"

"Fine, he cares somewhat!" I exclaim. "But not enough!"

"Alice." he groans and then sighs. "Alright, there's no persuading you. Just for the record, he's saying all the same things as you. In his mind he thinks you made an argument out of nothing because you were looking for the first thing to fall out with him about because you don't care about him."

"I don't care." I say even though I really do. Maybe he does care after all. I'm still not going to be the first to apologise and I am still annoyed about his entire attitude. 

"What happened to you being really sweet and quiet and little Alice?" he says, sighing all nostalgically. 

I laugh. "You guys happened."

He laughs too. "Alright, I really am going to leave you to it. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jason gives me a lift to school in the morning and I decide when I get there that I'm not going to do the whole hiding thing this time. I'm going to go hang out with my friends because I have every right. 

"Why don't you come hang out with us?" I grin at Jason as we get to the cafeteria. He grins back. 

"I like the way you think."

So I sit in my normal seat next to Harry and Jason pulls up a chair in between the two of us. Harry just glares at the back of his head as Jason and I talk and eventually Jason turns around to Harry, grinning at him. 

"You alright man?" he says. 

"You bother me." Harry narrows his eyes and then looks over Jason's shoulder at me. "Come talk?" 

I raise an eyebrow. "Alright."

We go out into the little courtyard area because it's one of the only places nobody really goes. He sighs once we're out there, turning around to look at me. 

"This plan is already really old." 

"What plan?" I say innocently.

"This whole use Jason to make me jealous plan." 

"I'm not trying to make you jealous." I say. "I'd do that if we were together. But you clearly were jealous if that's what you were assuming I was trying to do."

He pauses and then nods. "Alright, I was. I do get jealous if I see you with him. Just like you got jealous yesterday."

"I did not get jealous!" I protest. "It wasn't jealously. You just made me feel like shit. You're clearly still in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her!" he says, exasperated. 

"Yes you are! As soon as she was around again, you couldn't care less about me!"

"Alright, maybe I got a little thrown by seeing her properly without Robin, maybe I got a little distracted but I'm not in love with her, I'm in love with you!" he shouts and then we're both quiet. He looks defeated. "What does it matter anyway? We can only be friends. You just wanted me to say that so you knew that you could have me in some alternate universe, right? Well now I've admitted it and I'm the one looking like an idiot so there you go."

He tries to storm off but I step in front of him and just kiss him.

"I'm sorry." I say before kissing him again. 

"I'm sorry too." he says, kissing me back.

Instantly, all anger has just evaporated off into the air and I couldn't care less about anything but him. It does feel like we're going round in a circle but I don't care because going round in that circle feels like a good thing now. 

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