REVIEWS (Works from Friday through to Sunday)

Want a review?
Look no further than here, my friend!
For more information, look at the guidelines, and general rules and regulations.

18Likes
41Comments
2549Views
AA

4. She'll Be Loved, by Violets

This, is really good. You have a very ornate, very delicate sense of writing. Try to take care with your metaphors and general use of language; you don't want your writing to sound bombastic and pompous. I found some sentences beautiful and intricate, and I loved the last line.

However, there were some problems.

Try not to use "casts". I'm sorry, but it's a lazy way of describing characters, and takes away from the originality of the characters. You can describe Neoma and Matin easily in two sentences.

Also, you need, need paragraphs! A block of text is very difficult to read. 
Try to show, not tell. It was only once or twice I noticed it, but try not to do it too often. Instead of "It made me shiver, yet it made me relaxed", maybe say "My fingers were balled into fists and still trembling with the wind, yet I felt my heartbeat slow down and steady itself under my chest." Sorry, it's not that great, but you get the idea.

 

Grammar and language: 6/10. You need to use paragraphs, and check your spelling.

Plot: 7.5/10. It... Doesn't really go anywhere, plot-wise, but I liked it.

Overall: 8/10.

Join MovellasFind out what all the buzz is about. Join now to start sharing your creativity and passion
Loading ...