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11. My Child- Lavern2002

Intriguing plot, but you're plot-dumping. Big time. You give information to the reader, bit by bit. You don't give it away in the entire chapter.

There are a couple of typos throughout the text- check for them, they are there.

And most importantly,

PARAGRAPHS!

BREAK

IT 

DOWN!

You're using the wrong form of "your", in last line of Chapter One.

"Your" means to belong to you.

"You're" means "you are".

 

If Lynette is twenty-six, change it to twenty-six in the blurb.

Your dialogue is a little generic, a little too clean-cut, a bit unbelievable. If you think your dialogue is generic, imagine using it in a conversation with someone in real life. If you wouldn't be comfortable saying it, it's too generic.

Okay, if a single pregnancy hasn't occurred in over two decades, there's going to be a lot more medical doubt about Lynette's pregnancy. People are going to run numerous tests before they even dare  to think Lynette is pregnant.

If a pregnancy hadn't occurred in over two decades, Lynette would be shocked. She wouldn't think of her child straight away. With the first pregnancy in twenty years, there's this whole world of danger. Abortion, death in childbirth, miscarriage. A safe pregnancy in a pregnancy-free world, is very unlikely.

Grammar: 6/10.

Plot: 6.5/10.

Overall: 6.5/10.
 

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