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18Likes
41Comments
2574Views
AA

9. Limited- Skyler Jensen

Sorry this took so long! I had a lot on that week, and for that I apologize.

This story... Has potential, but you're making some mistakes.

You're plot-dumping like crazy in the first chapter. No-one can take that much information in all at once, and be expected to remember it ten chapters on. Try to break it down in bits. Say, a little bit of information follows a little bit of dialogue. You're essentially feeding the plot to the reader.

 Also: You said the information before you introduced the characters. Change it round. Readers are human people, not just numbers and statistics- they want to know about the characters, not endless information squashed into two paragraphs.

Try to use paragraphs more often, as well.

Grammar: 7/10. There's a couple of spelling mistakes and typos, watch out for them.

Plot 5.5/10. Don't plot-dump!

Overall: 6.5/10.

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