Better Together ~ Shawn Mendes

Maybe that's the problem with everyone. We give up. To easily. But . . . that's just the thing, isn't it? Giving up is easy. It's easy to walk away. It's easy to not face the problem. It's easy to not fight. It's so damn easy.
And I have the same fault.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"shawn, I love you. And I know you love me. But this was never going to work and I'm sorry that this has to be this way. I love you and I hope you find a way to be happy some day; to find someone who can make you happy. But for now you need to be a father, and a boyfriend, to someone that isn't me." I choke out finally.

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12. wish you were here

"NOOO!!!" I scream as shawn pushes Jenna up against my wall, again. I bolt up and get out of bed, pacing around the room, my head in my hands. How do I stop this?! How can I make all of this go away. Chloes words come into my mind, 'You need to move on.' I was right the first time; it's not possible. But maybe, maybe it is possible to pretend to be okay. To pretend I'm alright to go about my life normally and act like I'm just fine. Chloe comes up to me, resting her hand on my shoulder. I turn to her,

"You're right," no you're not. "I need to move on." no I don't. "I will." I won't. She slowly smiles and nods.

"First you need to go take a shower." she tells me. I nod and walk into the bathroom, quickly getting undressed out of the clothes that I've been wearing for about 6 months. Those probably need to be washed about 5 times . . . I hop in the shower and let the hot water run over my back, burning away the feeling of being covered in dirt. I reach for my razor - I need to shave - and I stare at it, I shake my head and quickly shave. After that I give my hair a long - very long - wash once I'm done washing everything I get out. I get dressed and just kind of stare at myself in the mirror. How did I let this happen? I don't remember choosing to die inside. It kinda just . . . happened. I stare at my pale face and my dull blue eyes that have most definitely lost their spark. My cheekbones stick out like that of a skeleton and I look away. I walk out and stare at chloe, she smiles at me.

"Okay Brie , now let's do something that you want to do!" she exclaims. I shrug. "Well, what is one thing you've always wanted to do?" I sigh.

"Um. I don't know, I've kinda always wanted to be a Youtuber. . . . ." I say half-heartedly. It's true, I had always planned to be a youtuber of sorts. She smiles and nods.

"Good thing I'm one! I can get you off to the right track!" she says excitedly. How had I never known that my best friend was a youtuber?! I just smile and pretend that I totally knew that. This whole, "pretending to be happy" thing actually isn't that hard!

 

***************************

 

I take that back; what I said earlier. Trying to pretend to be happy sucks. We just finished posting my first Youtube video. And yeah, at first it was kinda fun. But after a while I just felt like I wanted to break down and start crying. But I knew I couldn't because then that would tell Chloe that I hadn't actually moved on. Of course I haven't. Sometimes I feel like everyone around me are too busy with their own lives too notice that I'm drowning inside myself; even Chloe. I sigh, earning a look from Chloe. I smile at her until she goes back to looking at her phone and then I lay down to "take a nap".

"Brie," Clo says tentatively.

"Yeah?"

"What would you think of me, going back to my house? Like to stay. I would still visit of course - like almost every day! - but still . . . are you, okay? For me to leave you . . . ?" she asks hesitantly. I sit up.

"Yes! Of course, I wouldn't want to keep you here." I smile. "I was beginning to forget you had your own life." she laughs and so do I. It's not a real laugh, of course it's not, but it's a pretty good replica of what my real laugh is like so I go with it. She stops laughing and pulls me into a hug.

"Didn't I tell you it would get better?" she whispers. I nod, smiling and soon she's gone. My mom, and brother are all out to dinner - without me of course. So I basically have the entire house to myself. That leaves me plenty of time to scream and cry and throw things.

Plenty of time to not be okay.

 

*shawns POV*

I see a tweet of hers' pop up and I read it quickly.

@shawnsprincess: Just posted my first Youtube video! Go check it out! :D

I go onto Youtube and I watch her video. I just stare at her, her hair is clean and braided, she's wearing makeup and is fully dressed and is smiling and laughing. To anybody else she would seem infinitely happy. But I see through it. I see through her act. I can tell because of her eyes. They give her away. They're sad eyes, full of sorrow and pain and a world of hurt. And a few times during the video when Chloe was talking and she would just zone out, you could tell she was somewhere else. And I could tell that somewhere else wasn't somewhere good. Chloe turns her attention back to her and she pops her head up, blinking her eyes several times and laughing at whatever it was that Chloe said and I wasn't paying attention to. She was blinking away tears. She's still in pain. She still hurts. And it's all my fault.

It's.

All.

My.

Fault.

God, why? Why, why, why, why?!

I want to see her so badly it hurts.

A/n please like and comment and fav so I know to do more like this!!

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