"You can't break a girl who's already broken and you can't hurt a girl who's already dead inside."
Pain, it's all that exists in this horrid world. Judgmental monsters, people who scold you for being yourself. Just being yourself, you are told to stop being a wreck. You feel like you are slowly losing connection to your body, fading into darkness, away from the light. Further and further you fall, no one is there to catch you. The only way out is pain, pain is the key. The blade, it haunts you until you can't resist the urge to watch the thick red liquid drip from the cut. Suddenly it all becomes numb, no one cares to listen. No one pays attention, you keep falling further. Your echoes cannot be heard, no one is going to save you. You are stuck in the dark with no way out. It all comes down to that one person that is your last hope. Help. Help me please. Help me escape these demons.


8. Chapter 7

        [A/N] I'm sorry that I haven't been able to update in the past like four weeks. I have been so tired after school when I get home and after I get my nightly routine done, then I'm exhausted and I have to go to bed. It's not an excuse though, I should be more responsible when updating. But, I am trash when it comes to updating on time and my updates can be really small. Anyways, I will also try to update more often, I usually update every two weeks or so, I'll try to limit down to once a week because I know how for some of you that the wait can be annoying. Sorry for this long note, anyways enjoy Chapter 7!

        Chapter 7

    The bell rang, signalling the end of the day, and to me, my relief. Tonight was the night that I'd be seeing my relatives. I have to say, it has been awhile since I've seen them and I'm a little nervous. I'm also not really looking forward to seeing Brad there either.
    My aunt and I were kind of in awkward terms, I don't really know how to describe the situation, but we certainly aren't close. My cousins I only tolerate, they are annoying at times, but they are nice to have around. My uncle, I already explained about. He and I are closer than ever. He knew how close I was to my father and after his passing, he definitely made sure to be there for me. 
    I just don't know about the way he's been holding up lately. Something seems sort of... off. I don't know what's wrong, but I definitely need to make sure to ask him. On the other hand, I'm weary about this dinner tonight as I have no idea how it's gonna turn out.
    Currently, I slam my locker shut as I rush to get out of here before Isaac and their crew come to "pay me my beating". Strange thing is, I haven't seen much of them around since this morning, that's a good thing. Anyways, I scurry out of the building, still cautious as to make sure I don't capture sign of anyone before I start my walk home.

    Sighing, I see Brad's Chevrolet parked in the driveway. As quietly as I can, I pop open the front door, just enough for me to squeeze into before immediately taking this as my chance to climb the staircase and get to my room before being spotted by my mother or worse- Brad himself.
    Successfully, I reach over the last step, quickly racing to my door, entering before closing it behind me and latching the lock secure. Letting a sigh of relief escape my lips, I plop on the bed before pulling out my journal. Yes, I kept a journal. It was the only thing that let me vent my "real" feelings. 
    Turning to the last entry, I sigh as I read over the depressing entry. 
    "Nothing has changed, it's all a repeating pattern. The beatings, the pain, the darkness. It's a never ending process I'm stuck in this never ending process. No one can help me. They don't know anything, they don't get me. They don't have demons running then down to the very last layer of the earth. Nothing is going to change, I'm still the worthless lonely soul that everyone pities or hates. No one cares and no one ever will. Always unloved, forever haunted by past. I'm stuck here, forever..."

    Shaking my head, I mark down a new date: 11/16/15
    The incident that occurred this morning still has me shaken up a bit. Mollie, why would she stand up for me? Why would she even care about what I was feeling? I thought she hated me. I seriously don't know anymore. Whatever happened is definitely strange. Then again, so is my life. 
    I close my journal, tucking it away under my mattress. Hopefully no one would find it. Shrugging off my shirt from today, I select a black knitted sweater from my wardrobe along with some matching leggings. Something really simple, I honestly don't care about if I look presentable or not. This was my home and I was welcomed to dress as I want. 
    After spending about and hour or two in my room, I decided to go downstairs and get a glass of water. Sadly, Brad certainly was here and mother was as well. As I did when I entered, I quietly zipped down the stairs and scurry down the corridor into the kitchen. Keeping my gaze at the floor, I quietly collect a glass from the cupboard and turn on the faucet. Mother and Brad sitting at the table looking over some sheet of paper, thankfully neither saying anything as I entered. Quickly I gulped down the glass, placing it in the sink slowly making my way out of the kitchen about to go back up to my room to pass furthermore time. Only to be stopped I'm my tracks by Brad's voice. 
    "Elony, now that we are looking at the bills, we may need to cut off your phone service." His eyes landed on me, an annoying smirk playing at his thin lips.
    I gasped, "You're fucking kidding me right?!" I faked a laugh, "My phone is all I have, and there's no way in hell that you are going to take that privilege away from me." I spat.
    "Elonayain!" Mother scolded, "That's no way to speak to your step-father! Apologize at once!" 
    Are you kidding? I'm not apologizing. Not saying anything, I stomp upstairs to the corridor, only being stopped by my mother's booming tone. "You're grounded! You aren't allowed anywhere! You go to school, and you come home!" Rolling my eyes, I screamed back.
    "It's not like I go anywhere anyways, and it's actually a plus to make me stay in my room!" She left it at that, obviously deciding not to mAke an argument with me. I slumped against my wall, slowly falling asleep. There's no other way to pass time, so I'll sleep until it's time for dinner.

    Awoken by the sound of a door open and closing, I lazily slump myself up from my bed. Checking my self in the mirror, I looked tired as always. I made sure to keep my wrists out of view and to wear a baggy shirt. Thank god I buy all my clothes larger than the normal size I wear. 
    Voices sounded down stairs that obviously belonged to my uncle and aunt. Not to surprised about seeing my aunt and cousins, I trail downstairs. Seeing Uncle in the kitchen, I slowly walked in. Brad immediately just has to say something- dick.
    "Oh how nice of you to join us Elony. It's good knowing you aren't completely locked up there." Every one burst out laughing except me and my uncle. I place a sarcastic smile on my face, it immediately disappearing after the matter of seconds. 
    "Alright every one, dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes." Mother announces before my cousins and aunt trail into the living room, Brad following. I'm left in the middle of the kitchen with Uncle. Slowly, I turn to him, a real smile appearing on my face. As usual, he looks tired but he still manages a bright smile.
    "Hey weirdo!" He picks me up in a hug, not too tight. I laughed, smiling at the name he had for me.
    "I missed you." I keep my arms around him, in a hug. 
    "You're not the only one bug, I've missed you too." He pulls back, keeping his hands lightly placed upon my shoulder. "How have you been?"
    I shrug, "I've been...Alright." Alright? That's was nothing to how I was really feeling. I could say I was broken, hopeless, but I wouldn't want to make him feel bad. So, I just went with it.
    His Eyes soften, "Good, now, are you still feeling strange around Brad?" He asks. My eyes widen, I wouldn't tell him about what happened when he slapped me. Or how he looked over me hungrily.
    "Uh, not really... he's been with mom most of the time." Lies, I know it wasn't right, but I couldn't tell him because I certainly didn't want to make him worry about me. "Anyways, I was wondering if you were okay? You seem, more tired than anything else." 
    "It's just been stress with Mason and Kyle, they've been getting in trouble and I've been all over trying to get them the shape up, they certainly don't need to be acting this way, there's no excuse." I nod, understanding. 
    "Take it easy more often, you're gonna short yourself out." I smile, trying to lighten the mood. He just shakes his head, another smile appearing.
    "I think I'll be fine. Anyways, have you written anymore poems?" I nod my head in confirmation, "May I see a few?"
    "Yeah, of course, they're in my room, I'll be back in a second." I hurry up the stairs, heading into my room and quickly grabbing my poem book that played on my dresser. Again, I make my way back downstairs. I open up to one of the recent poems I have written.

    "As the sun shines during the day, 
    Not everyone is dawned by light 
    Even though the moon glistens
    Not everyone listens"

    "As the rain pours, 
    Creativity explores
    As the sun shines bright
    It glistens off of might"

    I hand the book to him, his eyes scanning over the very short poems. He smiles, causing me to sigh in relief that it didn't suck. "These are really good. You're getting better and better." Smiling, I nod.
    "I'm not great at it, I just like doing it in my spare time."
    "Dinner's ready!" Mother yells. The sound of feet come and everyone is lining up in the kitchen, waiting for the person in front of them to take everything they want. Appearing, it seemed we were having steak, shrimp, mashed potatoes and corn. Sighing, I take a plate, only scooping a small pile of corn onto the side and then taking my seat at the end of the dining table while I wait for everyone to be seated. 
    Eventually everyone takes their places and immediately start digging in while I just sit and stare at the food in front of me. 
    'You're too fat, don't eat it. It will only make you fatter.' 
    You're right, I thought. I pushed my fork around my plate in attempt to make it look like I was eating. Of course Brad just had to make a notice. 
    "Elony, are out actually gonna eat the food or play with it and have staring contest with it?" All eyes turn to me. My head snaps up and a scowl sets upon my face. 
    "I'm not hungry." I mumble. 
    "What was that? Speak up!" I repeat my self a little bit louder.
    "I'm not hungry."
    "I'm not fucking hungry! So get off my back won't you!?" I shout. Everyone gasps.
    "Elonayain!" My mother scolds.
    "Don't talk to your father like th-"
    "Excuse me!? You are sure as hell not my father and you never will be! You're nothing compared to my father and you know that, so just shut the Fuck up and get back to your useless life. Working for a fucking paper mill!" I yelled.
    "Elonayain Rellaso Jackson! How dare you speak to anyone that way?! Get your butt up to your room, I don't want to see your face for the rest of the night, you're grounded for another two weeks!" Mother screams.
    That was it, "No! I'm not gonna get up to my room! I'm not gonna sit here and listen to that piece of shit say that he's my father, because he's not! Dad actually loved me, and he had a good job and he provided for our family! This piece of shit cant even afford to buy fucking stove food! I'm done! I fucking hate you Brad, I fucking hate you!" I yelled, standing from my chair and stomping out for the kitchen. 
    "Elony, get your ass back here right this instant!" Mother shouted. 
    "Maureen, just let it go." Uncles voice said.
    "Let it go! I'm not gonna let it go, she can't just think she can mouth off and get away with it!" 
    "Just leave it!" Uncles voice raised.  I tugged on my jacket, getting ready to open the door and storm out when suddenly footsteps were heard coming to the entryway. Quickly, I tugged at the zipper, pulling my shoes on at the same time. Seeing the feet in front of me, I turn around. A sight of my uncle relieved me a breath. "Come on Elony, why don't we go talk?" I nodded, he put an arm around my shoulder leading me out of the house. Sighing he turned to me, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. "What were you talking about when you said Brad said he was better than your father?" 
    I couldn't keep it in anymore,  I needed to let it out. "A few days ago, I was coming into the kitchen to get something to drink..." My mind drifts off to the day. "I was thirsty, mother had been sleeping, and Brad apparently was there when I walked into the kitchen. He gave me a heart attack. I asked him why he was here this early and then he said that he was staying the weekend, he said he wanted to come early. Then he started looking over me, I don't know how to describe it. He looked like an animal, and I pulled his attention bAck to me. He then said that I looked thin and he wondered if I had been eating. I said that it wasnt his business and he said that he would soon be my 'dad' and that he could make me do whatever he wanted when he was. I told him that he would never ever be my father and that my father was better than he ever would be, that after he passed, we were a mess and that when he came into the picture, he messed it up even more than it was. He said that he was better than he was and he insulted him and called him a piece of trash. After that he slapped me, making me fall to the floor." Tears slipped out of my eyes, "After that when I returned home that day after I had gone out to get away from him, they made lunch and asked if I wanted to eat and just disagreed. So he came to my room and said that he and mother worked hard on dinner and that I had better eat. I told him to get out of my room and that's when he slapped me- again." I finished, tears now flowing in streams down my cheeks. 
    It takes me a second to realise but I notice that he's crying as well. He pulled me into his arms, holding me close. I wrap my arms tight around his waist, as him being too tall. "There's no way in hell that you're staying here. You're coming to stay with me for a while. I want you to go inside and pack the things you'll need. You're not staying here tonight." I nodded, before going inside and heading upstairs to gather my things...

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