Forbidden

"You can't break a girl who's already broken and you can't hurt a girl who's already dead inside."
Pain, it's all that exists in this horrid world. Judgmental monsters, people who scold you for being yourself. Just being yourself, you are told to stop being a wreck. You feel like you are slowly losing connection to your body, fading into darkness, away from the light. Further and further you fall, no one is there to catch you. The only way out is pain, pain is the key. The blade, it haunts you until you can't resist the urge to watch the thick red liquid drip from the cut. Suddenly it all becomes numb, no one cares to listen. No one pays attention, you keep falling further. Your echoes cannot be heard, no one is going to save you. You are stuck in the dark with no way out. It all comes down to that one person that is your last hope. Help. Help me please. Help me escape these demons.

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2. Chapter 1

        Chapter 1
    My stomach grumbles as I stare out the window with a blank expression. It was just a dark and depressing day. Rain was my favorite weather, the way the droplets tinted against the roof was relaxing and was music to my ears.
    Dink
    Dink
    Dink

    The drips kept bouncing off the metal roof. I sighed before plopping on my bed. Mother had gone out with 'Brad', I never liked him. He gave me this weird vibe. Every time I would come out of my room and get a glass of water, he would just stare over me. It was kind of strange. And I don't mean a disgusted look, but a look that would make anyone uncomfortable. Almost like he was hitting on me. I know that sounds naive, but I can just feel the way his eyes dart over my body and it's really gross.
    I shook my head at those thoughts and went back to looking out the window. All I could see was the way that the rain bounced off the concrete as it hit the ground. I got up and trailed back over to the window. There was a moving truck across the street. My eyes glided over the property but stopped when they landed on a girl about my age. She was beautiful. 
    Her short dark brown hair was in a bun, her green eyes were gorgeous, her jawline was sharp. The girl was truly beautiful. Was she a new student at the school? It wouldn't really matter anyways, no one likes Elony and surely everyone would tell her to not talk to me.
    I sighed and turned away from the window. My eyes caught sight of my body in the mirror. I turned to it. I looked God awful.
    My eyes had dark circles under them from lack of sleep. My cheek bones jutted out from loss of weight. And my face was very pale. The once glowing blue eyes were now lifeless and had no emotion left in them. They were dead, I was dead. My hand shakily pulled the bottom of my sweater up, revealing my ribcage that stuck out so far. I was practically a skeleton. Sadly, I still knew I was fat. I don't deserve food, I don't deserve anything. I deserve to be sad and I deserve to be starved. I'm so ugly. The baggy sweatshirt fell back over my frail frame and my feet drug my out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Mother was at work already. 
    I didn't go to the fridge, but instead to the cupboard to get a glass and pour a glass of water. The cool liquid glided down my throat, making it moist once again.
    The house was so run down. Doors were warped and they wouldn't close correctly, the ceiling leaked, and everything would break easily. Too bad that this was all we could afford. After dad died, we lost all income. He used to be a psychologist, that means he made decent wage. Mother only works at a diner to be able to pay bills. She forced me to help pay the bills because I was living here. Of course I had to accept and now I work as a dishwasher in a restaurant. Fun, huh? No, not even in the slightest. Working there meant being around people. And being around people is one of the things I hate most. Crowds can be my fear. I hate being noticed.
    My phone suddenly went off in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw a text from mother. 
    From; Mom
    Hey El, there are some new neighbors down the street, I hear they have a daughter about your age. Why don't you go and introduce yourself? I'm working late tonight, don't wait up.
    To; El 
    I sighed and quickly typed up a text.
    To; Mom
    I don't think so. I don't like being around people, you should know that by now. I'll be up anyways, talk to you later. Love you.
    From; El

    I slid my phone back in my pocket and continued from the kitchen to the living area, allowing my body to fall back on the couch. I flicked the telly on and scrolled through the channels, finding nothing. I decided to just read, so I pulled my ' The Fault In Our Stars' book from the table and opened the page. The book was so good. I can't stop reading it at times. Sadly, I was almost done with the book. I guess that I could always read more of John Greene, but I would most likely read TFIOS again. Just to be able to enjoy it more. Of course it was sad, but it was great.
 I slowly began to read, drifting off to the world of Hazel Grace Lancaster.
****
    A creek sounded from downstairs and I heard the front door open and shut. Mother must be home considering it was almost twelve at night. My limbs stretched out as I stood to my feet, walking downstairs. Once I reached the bottom, I looked into the kitchen and saw mother putting away some groceries she had bought.
    "Hey mum, long day huh?" I took a seat at the table.
    "Yep, hey, can you put the rest of these away? I'm exhausted." I nodded and started putting the food away as mother took a seat at the table. After the last bag was emptied, the paper bags were smashed down and thrown into the trash. 
    "Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you something?" 
    "Yeah, I'll have a sandwich." I took the turkey, bread, and mayo out and made her small meal. 
    "Here you go. I'm gonna head to bed. Goodnight." I waved goodnight as I retreated upstairs to my room, plopping on my bed and crawling under the covers. Once again, meeting the same dream as always.
****
    A beeping woke me up from my slumber. My eyes cracked open. I felt something wet come in contact with my hand. Tears, that wasn't something new. I somehow always seemed to be crying when I sleep. I wiped it off with my sleeve as I climb out of my bed and into the restroom.
    Taking a look in the mirror, I sigh at the way my face looks. It's still hollow. I used to be so healthy, so lively. Now, I'm just a wreck and I look like one too. My hair was in all different directions and in addition, it was matted. Great. I splashed some water on my face as it made contact, all groginess was vanished. I quickly brushed my teeth and combed my hair before exiting the bathroom and throwing on a plain black hoodie with black skinny jeans. I was such a boring soul. Taking one last look over myself, I exit my room and go downstairs. Mom was sitting at the table sipping her coffee while reading the news paper.
    "Good morning mom, is there anything you need to me get? I'm gonna head out for a little while." 
    "Yeah, can you pick up some milk on the way back? We are almost out and if I'm gonna make dinner tonight, I'm gonna need it." I nodded and took the money she held out to me.
    "Okay, I'll talk to you later. Love you." She smiled as I walked out the door and started down the sidewalk, I needed to go, it has been three days without me heading there.
****
    I kneeled in front of the large grey headstone that read 'Joe Paul Jackson'. I sighed as I plopped on my bum, resting a hand on the stone.
    "Hey daddy, sorry I haven't been able to make it here the past few days, I haven't been feeling that well. I tried to be able to go out, but I just couldn't. That's not an excuse. Things have been so tough. I really miss you and I wish you were here." A sad smile placed over my features. 
    "I remember when I was just a young little girl. We would spend the nights walking along the beach. You would tell me all these random things about how dolphins would play fight with each other. You would also tell me how I needed to wear sunscreen because I would turn into a vegetable is I wouldn't. 
    How you would constantly tell me that I was the center of your universe. You would tell me that you would do anything for me. That I was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen, even prettier than mum. I also remember how we would tell each other secrets and how we would spend the days baking cookies for the neighbors and we would hand them all out. I also remember how we always played hide and go seek every night. When mom wasn't home, we would secretly go out and have McDonald's for dinner. You would always tell me to keep a secret or else mom would get mad and yell at us. Most of all, I remember how lively I was, how I had the best father in the world. I miss you daddy, more than anything. I would do anything to have you here with me. This world is so dark, I'm all alone. Mother doesn't understand. I need you, why did you have to go?" Tears strayed from my eyes. A gust of wind blew off the back of my neck.
    "Above all, I wish that someone could hear my calls. Someone who can love me more than anyone else. But, that's hopeless. I'll look up at the night sky and see you up there, watching over me. Thank you for being the best dad in the world. I wish I could be with you. I love you dad." 

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