Grow Up!

Grow Up! Have you ever heard the saying that the loneliest are the kindest or the funniest are the saddest? I will tell explain to you the reason why I haven't learned to grow up. I will tell you that I've led a life of depression and making people laugh or trying to be funny is just me hiding away my deepest shadows. I could write the happiest stories, but you wouldn't believe the ghost behind the screen is shedding tears at life's screaming. But it isn't all about depression, I want to make people happy deep inside even if they relate to the darkness I possessed.


2. Later School Life Part 1: Nothings Changed But The Faces

Have you ever felt like it wasn't them... that it was you?

When 5th grade ended, I thought there was nothing better than the thought of leaving. Luckily I did. It took time to adjust to a new school from being states away from that hellish life I had and I even executed the thoughts of my past in elementary school. I wanted to start new, more like testify that it had to have been them and not me. I proved it only for a little while before life had given it to me straight in the face.

I made few temporary friends in middle school; who I had thought I could trust. Before, I never actually put my trust in someone fully until I was played for a fool. Now everyone has that one guy they had a crush on in their past. No knowledge of dating what-so-ever, just my fantasies automatically portraying it was love at first site. So this friend learned of this through my blabbering mouth and it was then that I realized that a secret is never a secret once someone becomes a secret bearer.

It literally took two classes periods for me to become the top discussion of the whole 6th grade. I wasn't just the new girl from New York anymore, I was now the laughing stock of the whole community. So much for that fresh start. Yet it wasn't the end for me. I had learned to control my emotions because I was happier than the previous and even though I became the laughing stock for having a crush, I wasn't discriminated as I was returned to the place where I belonged.

It's funny as I reached the grades 7 and 8 that I became a parrot in human clothing. Every new word or phase trended through me like fashion in clothing. My problem was that I was never there in the right place or the right time. I wondered what was so wrong with me that had everyone staring at me like a bothersome goat. It was only then that I realized after 8th grade that I had to become someone greater than plain old me.

I never felt different through the years, but observing my surroundings, I knew I had to make a change. I needed to obtain skills in the field of knowledge. This very skill started a journey into the trebling forces of music when I obtained my very first keyboard.

To Be Continued...

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