Grow Up!

Grow Up! Have you ever heard the saying that the loneliest are the kindest or the funniest are the saddest? I will tell explain to you the reason why I haven't learned to grow up. I will tell you that I've led a life of depression and making people laugh or trying to be funny is just me hiding away my deepest shadows. I could write the happiest stories, but you wouldn't believe the ghost behind the screen is shedding tears at life's screaming. But it isn't all about depression, I want to make people happy deep inside even if they relate to the darkness I possessed.


1. Early School Life

Have you ever felt like you were alone in the world?

Multiple times I lived in the shadow of my own thoughts. I tried to make friends, but I lived a life of being socially awkward. I didn't interact well with others unless it was important. I tried to be funny, but I was too out-of-date. I wanted to express my thoughts instead of trying to be someone I wasn't.

First grade to Fifth grade was extremely tough as I was going through a lot of traveling between states. I ended up from the South to the North. I learned fairly quick about the word discrimination. I couldn't understand why everyone saw me so differently from everyone else. I faced the wrath of being pushed around by those who called themselves the leader of their school and their followers and my teachers weren't so very different either as they threatened to fail me for being who I was and who I belonged to in society.

Even through all of that, I wanted to convert to popularity so I let them push me around because I thought that would show them that I was loyal. I even went as far as lying to them about where I lived and the vehicles I had. I would say I had a limo and that I lived in a 10 story mansion with 3 separate wings. All they did was laugh. I laughed with them too without realizing they were laughing at me... Not with me.

I've been given the stares, I seen it all too much to where I learned to do the same thing like it was a new trend. I tried to talk like them as if they were speaking some sort of alien language. I didn't get too far with it as I was thrown into a bathroom stall at the end of a school day and added with that, a bucket of cold ice water. I missed the school bus that day.

I came home finally and was told that there was a call from school that I was suspended for supposedly fighting with the girls. Their parents got involved and I had no say in any of it. I was clearly hated for a reason I could not understand. I gave up in tears the first night of being grounded. I was made to look bad and that's how my life began.


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