Tear Me Down

Sometimes my friends build me up, and sometimes they tear me down. This is a documented moment of my life in which I was reduced to nothing but a pile of ashes.


1. Ashes

"Dear Diary, 

She's either a gentle flame or she's a raging fire. She can warm souls and hearts or she can destroy with jealousy and desire. Her name is Raina. She was my best friend all through elementary and middle school, and now suddenly in high school she's become a total terror, wreaking havoc upon the students. It's absolutely terrifying. Before, wearing a Simpsons t-shirt and a pair of ratty jeans and coming to school was something both Raina and I did. Today, when I repeated the action upon a wave of extreme nostalgia, Raina mocks me for it. 

"Oh, Lissa," she says, rolling her eyes. "How do you expect to look even halfway decent if you're wearing crap straight out of the dumpster?" I didn't tell her that this is what both me and her used to wear, to showcase our similar interests in movies and TV shows. To show how close we were. Raina dresses in A line skirts and pastel floral tops, clothes that make her look like a model straight out of the glossy Spring pages of Teen Vogue. "I just wanted to look like before," I had answered Raina. "Who wants to go back to that sucky time?" Raina demands. "Middle school was hell. Live in the present, where everything is perfect." Of course it's perfect for Raina, since puberty was showered upon her like a soothing glittery rain, giving her a magic hourglass body, shiny hair, and America's Next Top Model height. Makeup and clothes from the mall redesigned and recreated and destroyed my best friend. As I looked down at myself, my paint stained t-shirt, my frizzy hair, my too-long jeans and my scuffed shoes, I suddenly felt the criticism. Raina tears me down everyday, but I'm a passenger stuck to the top of a train. Speeding along through a dark tunnel with occasional lighting, no way to stop the fires that burn me. 

Here's hoping it gets better. 

-Lissa xo



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