Diary of Secrets

Calum thought soccer was everything.....until he read Sam's diary.


22. The Snowstorm// November 30th; December 5th

School started a few days ago, but with all the snow that’s been falling lately we haven’t had the chance to return. The roads are piled high with snow and the temperatures are dropping considerably. Mali hasn’t left the house all day and dad didn’t go to work for the past two days. The people at the weather station are completely bewildered. Connecticut has never seen a massive snow pile like this since 1978, and even then it wasn’t never ending like this.

I’ve been homebound because of this reason and lately I’m so sick of my parents. If I have to have one more conversation about football or soccer with my dad, or look at food that my mother thinks I need to eat; I will scream. With a big sigh I head upstairs and enter my room. The minute I lay down my phone rings and upon answering it, I hear

“Shut up you prick! No! I do not want your dick served on a silver platter for Christmas! Stop hip thrusting in my face Michael!” Followed by a giggle.

“Hello Ashton.” I answer with a sigh. He giggles once more replying

“Hey Calum. How‘re you holding up?” I can hear shuffling in the background.

“My parents are driving me nuts, Mali‘s disappeared in her room, and all the good snack food‘s been eaten. Ashton I swear if I stay here any longer I’m going to flip- ” I’m interrupted by Ashton screaming

“STOP! What is wrong with you?! Get your dick back in your pants! None of my neighbors want to see how big you are!” I can’t help but laugh.

I’m laying on my bed clutching my gut over the stupidity that is my friends. That’s when the thought hits me

“Wait. Why is Michael there anyway?” Ashton giggles once more, sounding more like a girl every time.

“He spent the night here yesterday, the roads weren‘t so bad then. But now that they‘re shit, he‘s stuck here another day. Calum. SAVE ME!” I’m sent laughing again.

“What I wouldn‘t give to be there with you guys. You two are better company than anyone here.” I say with a smile.

“Cal, you‘re sounding like a chick again.” Ashton hesitantly says. Through the phone I can hear Michael saying

“That‘s because he is a chick, aren‘t you Hood?” I roll my eyes at them and clear my throat.

“Shut up Michael. You‘re just mad Ashton likes me better. ” This sends Ash into a fit of laughter. There’s a shuffling on the other side of the phone, then Michael steals the phone replying

“You wish Hood. Everyone loves me. They tolerate you.” I let out a scoff answering

“I think you have it twisted. Those things should be reversed.” He huffs in response.

Calum one, Michael zero. Michael was always better with his fists not his words. It’s why we came up with a code system for him. Michael Code one: Michael’s drunk. Michael Code two: He’s lost his filter and Michael Code three: He’s about to get in a fight, or already is in one. It’s come in very handy for parties and school days. I still don’t think Michael knows we have this code for him.

“So why are you calling me again?” I ask, trying to decipher the point of this conversation.

“Oh! We wanted to know if you had heard from Sam. She hasn‘t talked to me in days, and Michael is barely getting one word sentences from her.” Thinking back over the past few days, I realize since school was about to start I haven’t heard from her.

“No. Now that I think about it, I haven‘t. ” I answer him. We’re all quiet for a moment.

“You don‘t think she‘s…..you know.” Ashton asks reluctantly. I physically shake my head replying

“No. I watched her flush them down the toilet.” I state, but part of me feels like I missed something.

We wouldn’t know till almost another week later, why she had become so distant then.

Here I sit on snow covered ground by the bridge. I tread carefully because the way temperatures have been, it’s been freezing everything. So even though snow is everywhere right now, there’s no way to shovel it up because it’s frozen in place. I’m covered up in every piece of winter garment I own. I don’t plan on being out here too long, because there’s supposed to be another snowstorm coming.

As I reach for the diary, I have to use both hands and all my strength to pull the brick out. The water from the creek below must’ve hit the brick or the open crevice. The sides are covered in ice and break into chips when it finally comes loose. A cold wind blows through and I huddle in myself to shield from it. If I didn’t think Sam wrote in this diary, I wouldn’t even be here.
The book like everything else is cold and seeps through my gloves. I fumble through the pages searching for the newest entries. Between my gloves and the wind it takes longer than it should. Once I hit November I know I’m almost there. My eyes squint momentarily as another gust of wind blows through and once it’s gone I find the newest entry.

November 30th

School’s supposed to start tomorrow. I’m not ready Calum. All throughout break Cara and her friends have been making it their job to start my day off with their taunts. It hurts. I’m so sick of it it makes me feel so worthless, and since I flushed down my escape there’s no way for me to let go.

You don’t text or call me like you used to. That makes things even harder. Where are you? I need you now more than you know.

Sam I had no idea. I figured you wanted your space because of your folks. I didn’t know Cara had come back with a vengeance. I hope you’re okay.

December 5th

I gave you another chance. More than one actually. But you can’t fix what’s broken this time. I’m going to. You better not try and stop me either, I just want this to be over.

Remember that entry where I talk about eternal sleep? It’s all coming soon. Thank you. At least you tried, right?

What the hell?! How does she think this is going to help her? How does she think it’ll help anyone? Fuck Sam! Why are you doing this?

Shoving the diary back into it’s home I don’t bother with the brick. I stand and begin walking on the trail again. I have to get to Sam’s house before she does something stupid. That entry was written two days ago. Would she have waited? I haven’t heard anything from my folks or from hers.

As I walk along the trail the snow starts falling hard and fast. The wind makes it hit my face, leaving a feeling of exploding ice in it’s place. Before long it’s hard to see what’s in front of me, and the wind almost knocks me over it blows through so hard. I can’t even tell if I’m on the trail anymore I just keep walking straight and hope I am.

I continue to grow irritated with myself as I make the long walk back. Why hadn’t I seen this sooner? How many signs did I miss this time? Sam knew I was here why hadn’t she tried to reach out to me? Before long my thoughts are interrupted by a low splashing sound.

Over the wind you can hardly make out what it is. But I’ve sat in the same spot for so long that I recognize the sound of the creek anywhere. The question that haunts me though, iswhat’s in the creek? How did it get there? As quick as I can I turn and walk toward it. With the wind against my back it’s easier to walk and I’m able to get more mobility in my step.

The closer I get to the bridge the louder the sound becomes. Before long the splashing is the loudest thing surrounding me. Ahead of me I can see what looks like clothes on the ground by the bridge. Without thinking I run toward them. It’s only when I’m close enough to clearly see them that I hear the broken gasps. No. Please no.

Bending over the ledge I look down into the creek, and clutching onto the gray layered bricks is Sam.

“Sam what the hell are you doing?!” I scream over the wind. She shakes her head in response and holds herself to the stones. She’s wearing nothing but a tank top and underwear, all her clothes are lying next to me on the ground. Most of the top layer of the creek is coated in ice, Sam has to constantly move to break it away. There isn’t a big distance from me to her but if she isn’t coming up on her own, it means I have to go down and get her. With a big groan I throw myself onto the snow and reach my hand to her.

She’s shivering so much that she doesn’t see my hands grab onto her wrists. Her eyes meet mine for a moment and she opens her mouth to say something. The words come out but I can’t hear them over her chattering teeth and the wind surrounding us. She pulls away from me but I overtake her and pull her up and onto the ledge. A loud gasp comes from her and I immediately get up and start piling clothes onto her.

“S-s-ss-ss-s--t-tt-t-op!” She screams over the wind. I ignore her and help her up to get some clothes on her. I only get her shoes and coat on, before she’s physically shaking so much I can’t stand watching it anymore. She’s protested the entire time but since her strength is drained, I was able to get through most of it fairly easy. But soon she’s quiet and the only sound is her chattering over the wind, so I pick her up and head back to my car.

There isn’t a fighting point once on the long walk there. I hold her as close to me as possible, and run as fast as I can against the wind. She seems to have gotten colder, and I’m worried about her now since she hasn’t said a word or moved a muscle since the bridge. Come on Sam. Pull it together please, for me.

The snow is still falling hard and fast when I get to my car. The flakes are bigger than they were earlier and it makes things more difficult to see. They sit in her hair and lay on her eyelashes like feathers. After setting her in the passenger seat I run to the trunk, and grab the extra blankets. Now I’m thankful my mother instructed me to do so before I left.

Once inside the car I start it up and all I can hear is Sam’s teeth. The wind is blowing so hard it momentarily moves my car. We’re shook from our seats momentarily before we’re settled again. I start up the car without hesitation and slowly my car moves down the small road. Once I hit the main road you can’t even tell it was at one point black. It’s covered in snow a couple inches thick.

The roads are basically clear of other cars. Most everyone must’ve gone home already before the snow fell. It seems to have fallen harder now that we’re on the road. The wipers push the flakes away repeatedly, and their constant movement makes it hard for me to see the road. Why hadn’t I taken a picture and read the entries later? But if I had I wouldn’t have been able to stop Sam.

Looking at Sam from the corner of my eye I see her curled up in the seat. The heater is blaring and the car is so much warmer than it was outside. I’m still trying to shake the cold off though so I know Sam who’s still half dressed, must be freezing.

“Sam? Sam! You have to get your clothes on. I‘m trying to get us to the hospital as soon as possible, but I need you to get dressed and cover yourself in those blankets.” I tell her, while trying to focus on the white blur that is the road ahead of me.

She barely flinches to my voice and for a moment, I think that I may have lost her already. But her chattering teeth let me know she’s still alive.

“What the hell were you thinking Sam? There was more options than you think! Why couldn‘t you reach out to me? I told you I‘d always be here.” I shake my head in disbelief.She never thinks these things through all the way. Sam says that I’m selfish, when she’s just as selfish.

I look over at her once more and see that she’s reaching for her clothes. As I continue trying to look out my windshield, she begins to get dressed next to me. After the first article of clothing is on I hear her sigh in contentment. Staring from the corner of my eye I see she’s now racing to get her pants on as fast as she can. Her breath is coming out in labored spurts as she fidgets in her seat.

Looking at the road again all I can see is snow. Those large white flakes hitting my windshield, and not leaving any sort of imagination to where the road lies. I’ve had to slow on the gas as well because, the snow is sticking to my tires and leaving no traction to go forward easily. The wind hasn’t stopped all the while we’ve been on the road, it slams into us repeatedly swerving the car and threatening to knock it over. I hope we get to the hospital soon because I’m afraid of where we’ll be if we don’t.

I reach in my pocket and grab my phone, unsure at the moment if I should call my parents or the hospital first. As I fumble with the buttons I realize the hospital is probably the best way to go. I press the green button that starts the call and it rings a few times. Once it cuts through I answer

“Hello?” But only static is heard on the other end.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” I try to keep my grip on the steering wheel and my focus on the road. I’m met with more static and then a shrill beep before the garbled white noise starts. I drop my phone and the call ends.

“A-aa-a-a-rre you a-a-allright?” Sam asks from the passenger side.

“Yeah, but I think the phone lines just went down.” More of those flakes keep coming toward us.

“How‘re you holding up Sam?” I ask, looking at her again.

“Ok-k-kkay I thi-ii-nk.” At least her words are coming easier now. She places her bare hands in front of the heater and curls into it. How much longer till we get there? We should’ve seen some kind of lights from the buildings.

“C-ccal-um loo-kk-k out!” She screams, pointing at the road. I stare straight ahead and see two deer right in front of us. I swerve to get out of the way hearing the slush of the snow move under us. I stretch my hand out and drape it across the front of Sam’s torso, holding her to the seat. My foot still hasn’t let go of the gas pedal and I’m sent flying forward. The wind picks up and lifts the side of the car, landing us into something solid. The engine stalls and takes the heater with it.

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