Diary of Secrets

Calum thought soccer was everything.....until he read Sam's diary.


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8. The Night I Lost Her

Cheers were all I heard. Occasionally I could make out words like

"Congratulations!!"

"Alright!!"

"Way to go!". But most were just whoops and cheers of excitement, from the winning goal. Today was one of the big games, we'd been practicing more because of it. I had taken it upon myself to practice more since I found out. I made sure Sam came and visited me, so we could talk when I took a break. Practice went by quicker with her there, she seemed uncomfortable at first since we were at school but; she calmed down after the third visit.

Tonight there was going to be a party, given for our win. Some of the cheerleaders had thought it up. Kevin's girl was the captain; it was mainly for him, but everyone was invited. I was so strung out, extremely tired; but a break sounded so nice. After my team got done throwing themselves on me, with a chuckle I headed over to the team's cooler.

"Hey Hood." a soft voice said, I looked up to see Sam. Smiling I answered

"You made it!" hugging her tightly. She giggles in reply, hugging me back lightly saying

"Cal, you're all sweaty." embarrassed I let her go.

"Sorry." I answer, rubbing my hand across my neck, before grabbing myself a drink.


She looks around us, looking for something. Then when her eyes find what she's looking for, she darts them back over to me.

"You okay?" I ask, chugging the gatorade from my paper cup. I look over to where she was once staring, only to find Kevin's girl, Cara and her group of friends.

"Yeah. Fine. Listen, I'm gonna go. I just wanted you to know I came. I can't believe you scored the winning goal." she says with a small smile. I smile lightly in reply before saying

"You don't have to go, listen there's a party tonight. Why don't you come? I'm actually gonna go this time. I could use the break. I'd love it if you came though." she looks down at her feet. Her hair falling forward, in front of her face. The jacket she's wearing hangs loose around her, making her frame look larger than it is.


"I don't know. We'll see. I think I've got too much homework." staring at her confused, I start to say something. I feel something cold being poured down my back and over my head. Dousing my uniform and hair, with the liquid; chilling me to the bone. Behind me I hear laughter, smiling I look behind me. My teammates had poured the entire cooler over me, before Jared yells

"Thanks for the winning goal Calum! You should do this shit more often, I think I enjoy dumping things on your head." my teammates laugh in response, before I smile back answering

"I'm just thankful I don't have to spend the entire game in a net. But than again we can't all be so lucky, can we Mr. Goalie?" he mutters something under his breath, before grabbing me in a headlock.


Chuckling, I grab his waist instinctively, pulling him down. He yells, falling on his butt taking me with him. The few guys who helped pour the gatorade over me left. He pushes my shoulder laughing lightly, and I get up to see Sam talking to Michael a few bleachers away. He holds her hand, leading her to the parking lot. Grabbing my bag, I make my way to the locker room. With a few of the guys following after me.

Once changed, and my hair rinsed to the best of the sink's abilities; I grab my things from my locker. I'm shoved into the side, between the door and the other locker. Causing my fingers to pinch between the cold metal and the rusted hinges. Inhaling sharply, I pull my fingers away looking behind me. Kevin stares at me with a smirk, saying

"Thanks for the winning goal kiss ass. If you're thinking about coming to the party tonight. Don't. Not unless you want your knee to give out." with a glare I answer clutching my fingers,

"Thanks for the heads up. But I guess I mustn't be too bright, cause I'm going anyway." he scoffs. Shoving my shoulder into the locker again, answering

"Your funeral asshole." I smirk. His face twists into disgust before leaving with his things.


Sighing, I grab my bag which has fallen to the floor. Closing the locker door behind me, when I'm tapped on the shoulder. Looking behind me, I see Jared. He smiles lightly asking

"You okay? That looked pretty bad." shrugging I clench and relax my hand.

"Could've been worse. He doesn't scare me, just annoys me. I wish he'd get cut already. Coach has been talking about it for months now. 'Some of you will be cut, we've got too many of you sitting on the benches.' Yet Kevin's still here." Jared then smiles.

"What?" I ask, confused to his reaction. He says

"Coach says he's putting up the list this weekend, so that on Monday when we return; we know who has to return uniforms." this makes me laugh, louder than normal.

"Shut up man. Someone will hear you." he says with a slight chuckle. I stifle back my laughter, and secretly hope Kevin's the first one on the list.


Once I'm showered and dressed, I call Sam. It rings, and rings, and rings. Yet no one answers, so I hang up and text her instead.

'Hey, you going to the party? I can come pick you up. I'm ready, got my phone, showered, dressed. Just need you :) ' I smile while sending it. While unplugging my phone from my charger, I run my hand through my hair one last time. My phone buzzes, I look at the message and it's from Michael. Confused I open it,

'Sam's going with me. Her phone's dying.' sighing I reply,

'Thanks Mikey.' and head out the door.


Parking a block away, I get out mentally preparing myself for the loud music, and excessive alcohol that will be thrown my way. I'm glad in a way that Sam went with Michael, it means she'll keep him grounded. So he doesn't do something stupid, like starting a fight or falling over drunk somewhere. Passing numerous cars on the cramped street there, I realize this is going to be a very large party. If I'm lucky, maybe I could run into the owner of the diary.

Walking into the large blue house, I notice quite a few people are on the large porch. After stepping over the threshold, I see why. Inside, there's so many people you can't step anywhere without bumping into someone. The music blaring loudly all around, that even when I was back at my car; I could hear the chorus crystal clear. I'm welcomed with kind salutations, and upon asking where the beverages were; I'm shown the large table to my right.

I'm only here for what feels like an hour, when I overhear a conversation behind me.

"I saw. Where do you go?" the other person hesitates before answering

"Well, I kinda hide what I do. So you have to promise not to say anything."

"I promise!" I wondered what they were talking about. Was this the person who goes to the bridge?

"There's an old bridge, I don't go there all the time, but some nights; it's amazing." I turn to grab another drink from the table, and look from the corner of my eye. Standing behind me, is two girls. One with blond hair, the other with black hair. Both are slim and short if I'm being quite honest.


Twisting the bottle cap off with the hem of my shirt, I hear the blond ask

"It doesn't hurt?" the other girl shuffles nervously, before answering

"At first, but than it feels so good. Especially when it goes deeper." at first I think I know what they're talking about; but then the blond asks

"Is it a small one or a big one?" the black haired girl shrugs answering

"It's pretty average, but they come in all sizes." shit. This isn't what I thought it was. Although it's a bit disturbing to know,some girl gets off on masterbating at an old bridge by herself.


Sighing, I drink from my bottle before spotting Sam. She's hung back on a wall, clutching a solo cup in her hand. I tap Jared on the shoulder, letting him know I'm heading over elsewhere. He nods returning to the brunette who's talking about tonight's game. I head over to Sam, only to be stopped by a girl with black hair.

"Hey Calum." she says with a smile, I return the gesture and answer

"Hey." before trying to go around her. She steps in front of me again asking

"Having fun?" tilting my head slightly, I reply

"Yeah, I was actually gonna head over to my friend so." she turns to look behind her.

"Well she doesn't look like she's going anywhere. So talk to me for two minutes. I wanna ask you something important." knowing she won't leave, I comply to her request.


She smiles, knowing she won this small battle.

"So I know you know that the fall harvest dance is coming up soon." raising my left eyebrow, I ask

"The what?" she giggles. Lightly shoving my arm, that's when I recognize her. The only difference from when I saw her earlier and now, is that she's not waving around pom poms. Her smile is wide when she explains

"It's one of the school dances. They've been posting it around school for forever now." I try to think back to hearing some kind of announcement, all I remember seeing is orange fliers in the hall with black letters.

"I think I remember seeing the fliers for it." I reply, watching her eyes light up in response.


"I'm glad! I helped make them!" she says with enthusiasm bursting through every word. I laugh at her, because in a way she reminds me of Sam. The Sam I remember from last summer, before things got bad.

"But anyway. I want to know if you're going with someone?" I have to shuffle closer to her, from where someone bumps into me from behind. She backs up slightly, her back hitting someone else's. She apologizes, but they don't acknowledge her, as she shuffles back over to me.

"No, I'm not. Truthfully, until you brought it up just now, I didn't even know it was a thing." she chuckles nervously.

"Well, I was thinking if you wouldn't mind, maybe you could go with me?" I'm surprised at first, but then flattered. I think I might even be blushing, because she looks up at my face, and then smiles before averting her eyes.


I want to say yes, but I don't think I'd even go to this sort of thing. As if sensing my hesitation she continues

"I mean, if you don't want to that's okay. It's a silly dance anyway." her eyes haven't left her drink. She's still rambling on, so to stop her, I ask

"What's your name?" she looks up at me for once.

"Uhm...it's Regan. Regan Mathers." I smile saying

"Well Regan, as much as I'd love to go with you. I think I'd like to know you better first. So how about, you give me your number and we'll see where this goes?" her jaw drops slightly. She composes herself, long enough to say nonchalantly

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll just give you my number." I hand her my phone, and she dials in her information.


Sending her a quick message so she has mine. Her phone buzzes in her pocket, she giggles reading the message.

"Taylor swift lyrics? I did not peg you as a swiftie." I let out a small laugh replying

"Well, I figured I'd be symbolic. That's what's playing right now. Than later when we can talk, you'll remember when in the party we met." she smiles.

"That's adorable." she answers, before placing a kiss on my cheek. Either it's the sudden boost of confidence she's given me, or the alcohol but I lean in kissing her cheek as well. Smiling, I then head over towards Sam. Only to see, she's not there anymore.


Slowly drifting around, I look for her. My eyes scan the crowd, not really looking at the faces of the sea of people around me. But doing this also makes me stumble, till I'm bumping into someone and regaining my footing. I head toward the double glass doors, sliding one open and stepping outside. Inhaling the cold air, I close the door behind me, closing my eyes. Leaning against it, I can feel the cold glass seeping through my jacket. As I exhale, I wait ten seconds, then open my eyes. The backyard sways a little, but slowly turns back to normal.

"Calum?" I hear a voice ask beside me. Looking to my right, I see Michael. He's glaring at me, when I ask

"Hey Mikey, have you seen Sam? I went to go see her, but she took off." my words are becoming less defined. I go to take a sip from my bottle, only to realize it's empty. When did that happen?

"Yeah. I've seen her, and you aren't going to screw her up more than you already have!" he screams.

"Whoa, Mikey. Take it down a notch. What's wrong with you? What're you talking about?" I ask staring at him with confusion. Without any explanation, he storms over to me.


He's blurry, but when I finally make him out, I see his fist colliding with my nose. My head hits the door with force, causing it to pound more than it already was. Quickly, I duck under his arm, dropping the bottle in my hand. With all my might, I push his chest making him stumble backward. His hands grab onto my waist in the same movement, taking me with him. I fall forward, causing him to land on his butt. While I lay on top of him, I ask

"What's going on? Mikey, what's your problem?" he groans from the impact, but slides his fist under me to hit my stomach. As I grunt clutching my stomach, he shoves me off him.


I watch as he brings his leg back, ready to kick me. Rolling I just miss him, but the tip of his shoe hits my shoulder instead with a hard force. Scrambling to my feet, I bring my hands out in front of me, palms outward.

"Why can't you let her be?! Do you realize she was doing fine, fucking perfect! Until you came in again, making her pretend that you were here to stay! Do you realize, that as much as I wish it was me, she's still-" his words are cut off by someone screaming

"Michael!" he looks behind me, instantly releasing his fists. When I turn around, I see Sam.


Her eyes are red, tears dried on her cheeks. She stands behind us, beside the house; almost as if she was in hiding.

"Sam, this isn't-" Michael starts with an unstable voice. She glares at him cutting him off, answering

"No Mickey! Don't start. Just take me home, I'm done with this party." he sighs, but walks away from me. His shoulder bumps into mine, before he opens the sliding door. Sam follows after him,

"Wait! Sam, let's talk about this." she turns, choking back a sob answering

"No. Tonight showed me, your needs are more important to you, than anyone else's. I'm not like a cigarette you can just throw away. I'm done trying to fix myself for you. I'm done talking about things that make me unhappy. As of right now Cal, that's you." she slams the sliding door, walking away.


I start walking towards the door, and wince. Holding my side, I plop down onto the grass.How did I fuck this up again? What did I do? All that plays back in my mind is Sam, and how she used herself in a simile. It made me think of the owner of the diary. I can feel something on the tip of my tongue. But before I can piece it together, I lunge myself forward; disgorging all the alcohol I consumed onto the ground in front of me.

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