Diary of Secrets

Calum thought soccer was everything.....until he read Sam's diary.


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21. Thanksgiving

It’s been a week since Michael’s birthday. School’s been let out for about that long for Thanksgiving; which is today. Sam and I have only hung out a couple days throughout that week, and even so it wasn’t alone. We had Michael or the guys with us, not really the greatest atmosphere for apologies. I still haven’t told her everything I want to yet and I feel like as Christmas gets closer, the less time I have.

Mali has been in the kitchen helping mom get food onto the table, while dad and I watch the football game. It’s not the greatest game this year, but dad still has hope for them saying

“You wait. They‘ll come around in the last quarter.” I simply nod in response, and continue watching as they fumble over the ball repeatedly. It would probably help their game if it wasn’t snowing.

I’ve been texting the guys all this time trying to keep connected to them. Ashton is currently having dinner so he’s been quiet since he’s stuffing his face. Luke is playing games with his family until his mother and sister in law, finish setting the table. So occasionally I get a reply from him when it’s not his turn. Michael on the other hand is having his third plate, and not long after he’s going to take his fifth nap of the day. Sometimes I wonder where he finds room to put it all away.

I don’t have to text Sam to know what she’s doing. Her father is more than likely passed out in front of the T.V. and her, and her mother sit at the dinner table eating in silence. Major holidays are never her favorite anymore. Simply because her mother stopped caring about herself, and seems to have forgotten she still has a daughter. While her father ritually verbally abuses her mother and herself whenever he gets home from work. Only stopping to leave and enter the bar a couple blocks away, where he drinks until he passes out at the counter top.

It amazes me how no one seems to notice these things until it’s too late. Sam’s kept quiet because she knows that if anyone knows she’ll be separated from her parents. The last thing she wants to do is end up at a DCFS office. It seems it’s a trait she learned from her mother, who’s kept it from all her friends including my mother. They don’t see each other too often but my mother speculates she’s hiding something, she’s just unsure as of what it is.

I’ve thought about sending her a message. But I know all it’ll do is upset her. She’ll keep her guard up, knowing her mother is watching and only when she’s alone, will the words ‘I don’t want to be here.’ come back to me. So instead I’ll wait till later after we’ve eaten, and hope my mother doesn’t object to my giving her a visit.
**************

A short while later dad and I are called into the dining room for dinner. Mali and I take a seat at our places at the table and we begin the process of passing dishes around, making sure we get everything mom cooked up this year. As always while the dishes are being passed small talk is made. Whether it’s mom’s commentary on our outfits, or simply us exclaiming mom’s food smells amazing; it’s being said.

With food piled high on our plates we start the feast. I take no time to waste as I dig into mom’s stuffing. I haven’t had this all year and I plan on having at least four helpings of it. As I shovel more food into my mouth mom asks Mali about her singing. The last she remembers is that she had a call back.


“Oh. I didn‘t get it.” She states with a half hearted smile.

“Why not? Don‘t they realize how lucky they were?!” My father booms across the table.

“I‘m gonna call them.” He threatens. Now I see where I get my anger issues from.

“David. Calm.” My mother scolds while giving my sister a small smile.

“No matter. You‘ll get in next year. We‘ll make sure of it.” She adds with a warming tone to her voice.


Mali smiles in response and thanks her. Mom knows how much this means to her. With her leaving school to try an pursue this career in music, it’s taken her ages to try and get even considered to be on the Voice. We’ve had the talk before, it’s just taken her longer to tell mom and dad. She knew they’d be disappointed and didn’t want them to feel that way toward her. Especially since everything was riding on that call back and she choked.

She explained that once she got there and heard everyone singing at their auditions, she no longer felt confident. So when they asked her to sing again and they gave her the lyrics and the new song; she just couldn’t get anything out. She ran out and came straight home. It was a really bad day for her and she spent most of it in her room. She’s aware of what to expect now and is certain that next year she’ll have the guts to go through with it.


Her eyes don’t leave her plate, as dad continues to go on about the complaints he’ll be making during his phone call. Finally I can’t take it anymore and say

“Dad. She‘ll prove them wrong next year. Okay? Obviously this year didn‘t work out, but if you make this phone call of yours you might just kill her chance of being able to come back. So let‘s drop it. Alright?” He blinks a few times and right when I think I’m going to get my ear chewed off, my mother says

“Well said sweetheart.”.


We’re all quiet for a while, and the only sound is the silverware hitting the plates as we eat. When finally the silence is broken by dad asking

“What about you Calum? How‘s the team? What does coach think of your chances at getting a scholarship?” His questions come out rapidly. Swallowing the food in my mouth I answer

“Well, the guys treat me like they always have. We share changing space together so I mean you kinda get close to some of them. The only guy I have problems with is Kevin. But since coach kicked him off, he‘s no longer a problem. The guys seem to be happier now that he‘s gone. We work better without him.” He nods, filling his mouth as he takes in what I’ve said.


“As far as the scholarship goes, coach nor I won‘t know anything about it until later on next year. After all the scouts have only seen my work for this year. I have to show promise and commitment if they wanna give me one. A couple games I helped win aren‘t going to magically get me a scholarship.” Mom looks up at me as if to see I’m being serious. I’m normally not so sarcastic around my parents. But as it stands I feel on edge after everything my father pulled with Mali earlier. Not to mention we’re on break and the last thing I want to do is think about soccer.


Everyone except Mali has stopped eating. I shrug in response and continue attacking the food on my plate. Mom and dad seem to follow suit not long after and the silence continues.

“Oh mom, did I mention I got Luke and Addie together?” Mali blurts out. Soon conversation starts up again and dishes are being passed around, as we ask for more of our favorite dishes.
****************

Dinner ends and mom brings out the pumpkin and apple pie. On either side is vanilla ice cream and whipped cream, so we have our choosing. It’s not until she brings in the coffee for her and dad that she enters the kitchen going

“Oh no! We‘re out of milk. David can you go pick some up real quick?” He grunts in response and I take this as my opportunity to get out of the house.

“Actually mom if you don‘t mind, I‘ll get some for you.” She furrows her brows and says

“Are you sure? I don‘t want to trouble you.” I smile in response already heading for the door and grabbing my keys.

“It‘s fine. No trouble at all. Be back in no time.” Throwing my coat on I give her another smile and walk out. Sam, here I come.


I drove straight to her house and walked up her small driveway. Standing on her steps I take a long deep sigh and swallow the air down. With a heavy hand I knock on the door. I don’t have long to wait before I’m greeted with a big smile by Mrs. Luna.

“Calum! Sweetie, how are you? Come on in it‘s freezing out there.” I step inside and give her a smile in response.

“Thank you.” I reply, looking around for Sam and only finding Mr. Luna in his reclining chair fast asleep.



“What brings you over? Shouldn‘t you be eating with your family?” She inquires, heading into her small dining area.

“Oh. We just ate, I‘m supposed to pick up some milk and head back home so we can eat dessert.” I state, swallowing once more. Where are you Sam?

“Oh? So then why are you here?” She asks again with a playful smirk. I give a small smile answering

“Just thought Sam and yourself wouldn‘t mind dropping in on us.” Truthfully.


She gives me a confused face but then replaces it with another small smile.


“Oh sweetheart, I can‘t speak for Sam but I‘m fine right here. After all how would Mr. Luna feel, waking to an empty house on a day where we‘re supposed to be thankful for family and friends? Tsk. Tsk. Naughty boy.” She teases, bringing her empty plates into the kitchen.


Sam leaves her bathroom and stares at me with wide eyes. They droop and she practically jumps on me, embracing me tightly.

“Thank you.” Is all she says before letting me go and looking at the dining area. I start to say something when her mother appears again.

“Sam! Nice of you to join us. I think your friend wants to kidnap you.” She says with a smirk. Her hands are filled again and after she enters the kitchen, Sam calls out

“I‘m gonna show Calum the figurine Ash made me, okay? We‘ll be right back down.” Without waiting for any confirmation, she grabs my hand and pulls me up the stairs.


One we’re inside her room she sits on her bed cross legged.

“Why are you here exactly? But thank you for being here.” She says with a dejected smile.

“I thought you could get some air? Like maybe at my house?” I offer, hoping she’ll say yes. She stares down at her hands and smiles.

“You know I‘d love to. But I can‘t leave her here with him. Especially since you know how he is. If she‘s staying I have to as well.” She replies, looking up at me with devastated eyes.



“Come on. You can‘t stay here Sam. Look at you. You look half dead already. If you don‘t come over, then I‘m staying.” I threaten, already undoing my coat. She jumps up and grabs the hood pulling it back onto me.

“No. You aren‘t. Look I‘ll be fine. You‘re gonna see me tomorrow right?” She inquires, bobbing her head around to stare into my eyes.

“Yeah.” I answer gruffly.

“Besides. I have something to give you.” She replies, letting go of my hood and retrieving something from her nightstand table drawer.


She returns not a second later and presses something cold into my palm. I recognize it as the blade from my room.

“I can‘t very well get into too much trouble without this can I?” She asks with a small smile.

“Just to show you I mean business-” She continues, reaching into her jean pocket and handing over two more identical blades.

“Okay? Now please. Go. Before my father wakes up.” She pleads, pushing me toward the door.

“You know by giving me these, you aren‘t getting them back right?” I ask, expecting her to take them from me.



Her eyes dart away and she clears her throat.

“I know. That‘s why I‘m giving them to you. Alright? Now please, go.” She begs, opening the door and pushing me out. We walk down the stairs and just as her mother walks back into the kitchen, I shove her into the small bathroom.

“Calum. What‘re you doing?” She asks in a whisper.

“Something I should‘ve done the first day I knew.” I answer, handing her the blades back. She stares at me confused and then looks at the blades again.

“You don‘t want them?” She asks, taken aback.


Then her eyes widen for a moment and she nods as if she understands. She walks the foot to her toilet and drops them inside. I stand behind her, holding her hand saying

“This is all you now. You don‘t need them anymore Sam. Go ahead. You know I‘m not leaving till you do.” She swallows and bites her lip, before pressing the handle down and we watch the blades disappear into the hole.


Instantly she turns to wrap her arms around my neck. I hold her to me not letting go for a moment.

“I‘m sorry.” I whisper into her hair. She shakes her head and says with broken gasps

“It‘s forgotten already.” Hugging me tighter. Smiling I tighten my grip as well and bury my face in her neck and hair. Her shampoo comes in strong and without a doubt I know what I’m thankful for this year.
***************

Once I’m home I’m hit with tons of messages from the guys. Ashton explaining that he’s taking a nap, the turkey got to him. I’m laughing momentarily at his text before heading onto Michael’s. I’m left puzzled as I read about how you should never have a fifth nap, as you have dreams of turkey’s pecking at your hands leaving you in a cold sweat. Chuckling over that one as well I move onto Luke’s, who’s currently sitting down at the television watching the last of the game with his family as his mom cleans up the table.

I love my friends. They keep things interesting and whenever I need someone to keep me laughing, they’re who I turn to every time. So without hesitation I send them all a text explaining that I’m thankful for all of them this year. Leaving them speechless momentarily until they bombard me all at once.

“What the hell Calum? Did your mom drug your turkey?”

“Uhm. Are you feeling okay?”

“Hood. Dude. You killed it. I‘m going to pretend I never saw that.”
 Yupp. These were my friends. Fuck me.


Setting the milk on the table I wait as my mother makes our plates. Our parents have another cup of coffee while we’re accompanied with a glass of milk. Mali and I have a slice of each, but eat the pumpkin first. She puts whipped cream on hers and I top mine with vanilla ice cream. As we sit around the table telling what we’re thankful for, I can’t help but think back to years previous.

Almost every year I was thankful for video games, soccer, or the girl I had been seeing. I’m glad to say that this year’s different. This year I can honestly say I’m thankful for my sister, who kept me sane while Sam and I drifted. Or my parents who while they do get on my nerves, I love and know they love me in return. I’m thankful for my idiotic friends who keep me on my toes every day. But most importantly I’m thankful for Sam.

It’s not until this year that I realize she’s been there for me all throughout the years and I don’t know where I would be without her. She’s not only kept the guys and I close, but she’s managed to keep all of us from doing some pretty stupid shit. I can’t count all the times she’s talked me out of running down the street naked while intoxicated. Or preventing Michael and I from spray painting a penis on our neighbors lawn, because he got us in trouble with our parents.

Sam without a doubt is one of the reasons I can say I’m seeing everything new again. With this new step she’s taken, I hope she’s walking forward with a new attitude towards her life. Either way I’ll be there all the while, now matter what she’s going through this time.

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