Diary of Secrets

Calum thought soccer was everything.....until he read Sam's diary.


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1. Prologue// Sam's POV

The only sound was rushing water, as I dangled my feet over the rocks. Smiling down at the pond, I watched as broken leaves, being swept in from the ground, fell in. I was waiting for Calum, he said there was something important he had to announce. Butterflies flew around my stomach, as my anxiety flared up. Maybe he's finally seen my advances, maybe tonight he'd ask me out. He'd always been there, if I was feeling down, or alone. He'd bring it upon himself, to make me feel important. The only problem, being that he saw us as only friends. I wanted it to be so much more though.

A light wind breezed through, I zipped up my jacket. Fixing my black hair, pulling the loose strands that fell in my face, behind my ears. There was a week left of summer, before school started again. High school, maybe it'll be everything i've been waiting for. The cold wind, rushed over the water below me. Making my hands tingle with cold pinches, I stuffed my hands inside my jacket pockets. Sighing loudly, I began kicking my feet. Now the soft thud of the backs of my sneakers, hitting the wall of rock I'm sitting on, joined in with rushing water. Ceasing the silence that keeps threatening to creep over Peep Toad Mill.

Looking over once more at the bridge, I still see no sign of Calum. With a huff, I dig my hand out of the pocket, and inside my jeans. Reaching for my phone, pressing the side button to check the time. Ten O' clock was drawing closer, and I had to be back home before eleven. The walk here was twenty minutes at least, I wished he'd hurry. Placing the phone back into my pocket, I brought my other hand out. Since Cal was taking his time, I was going to make myself comfortable.

Placing the palms of my hands on the ground, next to either sides of my legs, I pushed myself off and scooted back. Inching closer and closer backward toward the wall of the bridge. With my legs now on top the rock ledge, I bent my knees and used the heels of my shoes, to further help me rest my back along the bridge wall. Through the jacket, I can feel the cold rock wall of the bridge. Tightening up momentarily, I lay my head back, allowing my body to adjust with the cold. Minutes pass, and now the areas I was once in, are luke warm. Sighing to myself softly, I close my eyes and wait to hear the familiar sound of crunching leaves from sneakers, smashing onto them as they walk on.

Smiling to myself, I keep picturing Cal say the words i've been waiting to hear all summer.

"Sam? Will you be my girlfriend?" and he'll look at me with that impish grin he always has. Losing myself in his eyes, i'd smile sweetly answering

"Of course Calum, but I thought we already were?" in which he would laugh in response. Reaching his hand over, and intertwining his fingers with mine. Opening my eyes, I look around for Calum once more. Once I see the coast is clear, I kick my feet and giggle over the daydream. This had to be the reason why he chose our special meeting place. With a huge grin on my face, I rest my hands on my knees.

With every second that passed after that, I heard the faintest 'crunch', 'crunch', 'crunch', as someone drew nearer. Looking over to my left side, I glance up at the bridge. A boy in a zipped up jacket, with the hood up was walking my way. Before his head can look up, from watching his feet, I lay against the wall again. Keeping my legs tucked in close to my chest, I wait for him to notice me. A small smile is still glued onto my face, I realize it's him that keeps it there. He's always done this to me, and I don't think he's ever noticed. But maybe he finally has, the crunching increases and his shoes scrape across the cemented bridge. His dangling legs hang inches from my face, before he jumps off the bridge and sits next to me against it.

"Hey Cal." I answer in return to his chocolate brown eyes. He gives me a half hearted smile, replying in a sigh

"Hey Sam. Sorry I took so long." his gaze meets mine for a moment.

"It's fine, you ok? What's wrong?" I ask before his eyes leave mine, and they stare off into the darkness beyond us.

"No, yeah, I don't know. Maybe? I just had a long talk with my family." instantly my high fades. Suddenly my daydream seems so faraway now,

"About what? Is it about what you wanted to talk to me about?" the side of his head rests on the palm of his hand. With his knees bent and spread out away from his chest, his elbow rests on his knee.

"Yeah, I wanted you to know that I'm not gonna have a bunch of free time this year. I'm trying out for the Soccer team." my smile falters slightly, before I pick it up again saying

"Is that all? We've been through worse, we can get through this." he looks at me with sad eyes.

"Sam, I don't think you get it." he answers quietly,

"I want to leave Connecticut, as much as I love it, I want something new. But I can't leave here, without a scholarship. So I'm gonna need my focus to be on soccer, and nothing else. It'll leave me with no time for friends." his words hit, and I'm close to tears.

As if sensing the change in me, he looks away from my face. Playing with the loose string from the cuff of his jacket, he answers

"I'm sorry, but i've thought about this a lot. It's what I want to do, and I hope you and the guys can understand." the wind picks up, my hair flies in my face, and towards Calum. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I fix my hair and hear him say

"I'm gonna miss that smell." confused I ask,

"What smell? The pond? Or the smell of dried leaves on the ground?" he lets go of the string he was playing with. Looks up towards the tree tops, answering

"No, your shampoo. It's apple right? No. Apple cinnamon, that's what you said." my eyes won't stop staring at him. He's making this harder for me, maybe I can convince him this doesn't have to be over.

"Yeah, it's apple cinnamon. Cal?" I question softly, without taking his eyes off the trees he replies

"Hmm?" with a sigh.

"What if this doesn't have to be over? What if we make one day, even if it's just for an hour, ours. That'd work for me, I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind either." he laughs lightly.

"Sam, with all the training and everything else I doubt i'll even have an hour." stuttering to get these words out, I stop myself. Take a deep breath and answer

"But even if you tried, it'd mean more than giving up." his eyes look back over at me.

"You really don't mind an hour, if I can spare it?" I shake my head, answering no.

His hand finds mine, and our fingers interlock. While his thumb makes small circles over the top of my hand, he answers

"Then I promise to try Sam. Because I'm really gonna fucking miss you, if I don't." laying my head on his shoulder I nod choking back tears. I bring my other hand up, and hold his arm clutching it tightly. I can smell the dried leaves in his clothes, from the wind earlier. My voice can't muster up enough strength, but I want to say

"Me too Cal, me too." before kissing his cheek and running away. I wished he'd remember this, like I did. But he stopped trying, and I gave up. Creating the void between us now, and on rough days, this memory is the only thing keeping me strong.

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