Diary of Secrets

Calum thought soccer was everything.....until he read Sam's diary.


11. Losing Time

Coach posted up the list today. The list that says who stays and who leaves. Part of me is nervous, because there is a chance, no matter how slim that I could be taken off. But seeing as how this was mainly for the players who sat on the bench, I’m not that worried. I am curious to see however, if Kevin got taken off. That would be a blessing.

As I walk over to it, Jared bumps into me.

“Hey Cal. Looking for someone special?” He asks, knowing I am. Smiling in return, I answer

“Take a wild guess.” He laughs, but follows my gaze over to the list. My eyes scroll past the names, the unimportant ones. In total there’s only five guys being cut, but none of them are Kevin. Jared and I share the same sad sigh.

“Well, it was worth a shot. Right?” He asks, patting my shoulder and leaving his hand there.

“Yeah. Just sucks it didn‘t follow through.” I answer, walking away down the hall. We make small talk as we pass by students and classrooms. But we don’t dare bring up what Kevin’s reaction is going to be. As we both know it’ll more than likely involve lots of gloating.

After Jared left to attend his Math class, I continue down the hall. Knowing I would be late to Social Studies, as I’m still on the ground floor and it is on the third floor. Sighing I turn the corner heading towards the stairs, when I hear the taunts.


“You know the reason why no one wants to date you? No one can tell what you are! If your fashion sense weren‘t bad enough, you look like a damn boy.” Lots of giggles are followed after. Cheerleaders.

I walk over to the voices, and find cheerleaders cornering someone.

“Ladies. Is there a problem?” Among them I see Cara. She smiles at me, before asking

“Hey Cal. Care to join us? We were just about to give a makeover.” She steps aside to show Sam, being poked and pulled by the others.

“Sam?” I ask, stunned she’s the victim. Her eyes glue on mine, and for a moment she looks happy to see me.

“How about you hold her, and we‘ll do all the tough work. It‘s going to take a damn miracle to make this ugly duckling pretty. Am I right girls?” In response her flunkies giggle.

“Cara, go fuck yourself. Sam‘s beautiful enough. You‘re just jealous, because she can come to school as she is and it‘s cool. If you attempted to wear no make up, no one would recognize you. No one can tell where your face starts and the make up stops.” I retort, pushing through them to grab Sam’s hand.

Cara’s flunkies glare at me, upon looking at them, I now notice Regan.

“You too huh? The answer to your question? Is no, I don‘t want to go to the dance with you.” I respond to her shocked face. Cara blocks my way,

“Kevin was right, you are lame. Just when you were starting to become cool, you throw it all away to defend this freak who-”

“Stop calling her that!” I shout, cutting her off.

“She is not a freak! Her name is Sam. As far as Kevin goes, I don‘t care if he does think I‘m lame. It‘s not my sole purpose in life, to entertain him. It shouldn‘t be yours either.” I answer, pushing her out of the way.

As I hold Sam’s hand, I’m still fuming. I can’t see where I’m going, I’m just walking down the hall. Hoping I don’t get stopped. The bell rang long before I saved Sam. So the halls are empty, except a couple papers torn down from boards. My hand is squeezed. I get out of my head, long enough to look down at Sam’s hand, tightening around mine.

She quickens her pace, and runs ahead of me, pulling me with her. We’re flying past classrooms, the random student and even a teacher, who’s screaming at us to get to class. She stops in front of a door, and opens it. Stepping inside, she pulls me with her, closing the door behind me. It’s a tight fit, as I realize we’re in a supply closet.

I’m inched forward over her, as a couple brooms stab me from behind. The shelves to my right are stacked with supplies. She’s leaning against the wall, catching her breath.

“You okay Sam?” I ask, for more my state of mind, then hers. She nods, but her sniffles tell me otherwise. I push the books out of her hands, and pull her into a hug. Not caring if she is still pissed at me.

She tightens herself around me. Wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling herself closer so no space is between us. It’s here I realize she missed me too. Her cries are muffled by my shoulder. I rub my hand on her back, to help calm her down. Even as I shush her, it doesn’t seem to help. They just keep coming, and my shirt is dampening as the seconds tick by.

“Sam it‘s okay. You‘ll be okay. I‘m right here.” She shakes her head, before burying her face into my neck. She’s standing on her tip toes, but she mustn‘t care.

When I open my mouth to speak again, the door opens. I look up to see the janitor, he’s staring at the two of us, shocked. Before a word can be spoken, Sam’s grabbed her things and running down the hall.

“I didn‘t mean to interrupt you and your girlfriend‘s little date. But I‘ve got a kid on the third floor, blowing chunks everywhere.” He says, grabbing the bucket and mop from behind me.

“She‘s not my girlfriend.” I answer, leaving the closet. He smirks, before saying

“Yeah yeah, I know. None of you are the tying down type. It‘s all this benefits stuff. I see you love the girl, but don‘t worry I‘ll keep it a secret from your buddies.” Walking away with his mop and bucket.

“We‘re just friends!” I call out, but he’s already made up his mind about Sam and I. I guess I shouldn’t care, after all it’s not like Sam and I haven’t been mistaken for a couple before.

It’s been like that for years. Eventually there reached a point, we just didn’t care anymore to correct people. Sam would even go so far as to kiss my cheek in public. She’d explain later that it was all for show, but some of those moments weren’t in front of people. Rather than embarrass her, I just dropped it, figuring Sam had her quirks.

Now that I’m in my second year, I want people to know I don’t have a distraction. I don’t have a girl to occupy my time, that could be invested in sports. Especially since I already missed out on a year. My first year, I didn’t realize that Soccer was my ticket out of here. So I didn’t join. I regret it now, but I can’t change it. It’s why this year, I’m trying to make sure everyone is aware I care a lot about it.

I wonder if Sam is enjoying her first year, but I doubt it since she’s already getting picked on. It explains now though, why she seemed so bugged out when she talked to me at the Soccer game. She knew Cara and the girls were there and didn’t want them to acknowledge her. Then I invited her to go to her party. She had probably already gotten to her, after I met up with Regan.

Dammit Cal. You idiot! That explains why she doesn’t want to see you. You deliberately put her in an uncomfortable situation, and instead of spending time with her, you spent the night talking to her attacker. I feel like a complete asshole.

Sighing I make my way towards the stairs, knowing I have to make this up to her. As I stumble up the steps, I think of various ways I could do just that. Then it dawns on me, I know exactly how to make it up to her. It’s not extravagant, but I think for Sam it’ll send the right message. At least I hope it will.


After practice, I head home. I made sure to leave a little earlier, as I don’t want to keep Sam out too late. The last thing I need is her mother calling me up, while I’m trying to reconnect our bond. Dressing in some warm clothes, I made my way downstairs and into my car. Ignoring my mother’s request to stop. She treats everything like it’s the third world war.

As I drive away, I make sure to take the road that’ll lead me to the Mart-ick. Part of what I need to do, involves items from there. After I’ve retrieved my items, I get back in the car and ignore my buzzing phone. Again it was my mother, I can come home later and eat. Right now I needed to fix what’s broken between Sam and I.

Parking my car in front of Sam’s house, I begin texting her. Not noticing that the house is dark, and there’s no cars in the driveway.

‘Hey. Come outside. We need to talk.’ I look up after hitting send, and notice what I didn’t before. It frustrates me, but then perplexes me.

“Where is everyone?” I wonder aloud. Again my phone rings. Looking down, I see it’s my mother again.

When I answer, I begin to start telling her off, but she beats me to it.

“Calum Thomas Hood. You stay quiet young man. I have been trying to get ahold of you for a good half hour now. I have the right to ground you if I wanted. But seeing as how unfortunate events have happened, I‘m going to overlook it.” Unfortunate events?

My mouth opens to speak again, but like before I’m cut off.

“Where are you?” She asks, nearly biting down on every word.

“In front of Sam‘s house. Why? What unfortunate events is saving me from being grounded?” My mother is silent, as I wait for her response.

“You knew? But how? I just received the phone call only moments ago.” She says in a quiet mumble.

“What phone call? Mom what‘s going on?” She stifles back tears, when she answers

“Calum. Sam‘s not home, nobody is. They aren‘t home, because they‘re all at the hospital.” I’m quiet as these facts take light.

“Calum. Are you still there?” She asks with a quiver in her voice.

“I‘m here. Why are they at the hospital?” I ask, although I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that question.

“Calum sweetie. Sam tried to hurt herself. Her mother found her in the bathroom. ” She’s still talking, but I’m no longer listening. Instead I’m driving, speeding down the dark streets. Heading towards the main street, that’ll intersect with the road leading to the hospital.

What happened Sam? Things were bad today, I know. But we could’ve gotten through this together. You didn’t have to- I don’t try to finish my thought. I know if I do, I’ll break. Right now, as I speed past cars and violate multiple driving rules, that’s not a wise thing to do.

Her sobs keep haunting me. They drown out any other noise. Earlier while we were in the closet, I should’ve known then. But I kept thinking this was going to work itself out. This type of stuff always does, I mean she’s been through worse.

“Shit. Shit. SHIT!” I scream, before slamming onto the brakes. I’m momentarily blinded, as two headlights blind my view. I turn my wheel as fast as I can, but nothing can stop the car from hitting my passenger side. As it makes impact with the door, My head hit’s the dash, and my car is pushed sideways. Sam’s sobs are momentarily forgotten. Instead I hear my squealing tires, the crunch of the other cars hood smashing into my door. The glass of headlights and mirrors shattering to pieces, as the impact comes in full force. The last words I hear before my vision fades out completely, are my mother’s pleas, wanting to know if I’m okay.

I awake what I assume to be hours later, in a hospital room. I’m surrounded by family, and as I look around, everything I see is white. The walls, the blankets, the floors; everything. I tell myself that when I get out of here, I incorporate more color into my life. As this one moment, is depressing me.

“Calum sweetheart, you‘re okay!” My mother screams, before hugging me tightly. I wince from the outburst, but hug back.

“Oh, I‘m sorry. They said you‘d be sore. Let me get you some ice cream. The lunchroom downstairs is still open.” She says swiftly, jumping from her seat and walking out the door. My father follows her, stating

“I‘m gonna make sure she‘s okay.” I nod in acknowledgement.

My sister and I are the only ones in the room. She smiles at me before taking my hand, holding it between both of hers.

“You had us worried for a minute there. You‘ve got some damage to your head. The doctor said it should be fine, but we should keep you here overnight, just incase. ” I get glimpses of the crash. Remembering the other car, I ask

“Is the other person okay?” She shakes her head.

“The doctors said it was an older man. He had a seizure while driving, which is why he crashed into you. Once he hit you, he was already gone.” I stare at the wall, unsure how to feel.

“Want to see Sam?” My sister asks, in an attempt to cheer me up. I nod, as she helps me get out of bed. I can walk, but it’s hard to adjust to all the pain and dizziness accompanied with my head. She leads me to the elevator across the hall. The doors close, as mom and dad walk down the hall, entering the room again.

Once inside, Mali hit’s the button that brings us to the fourth floor. As the doors slide open, we’re greeted with a sign that reads ‘Surveillance Ward’ I look over at Mali, she simply smiles and guides me down the hall. She stops at the third door on the left, and opens it. Inside is Sam’s family, they take notice to see we’re here, but don’t look away from the bed.

“Should we come back?” I ask Mali in a low whisper, hoping that her family doesn’t think we’re rude barging in here. She shakes her head no, and ushers me forward. Once I reach her bed, I realize now why they can’t look away. Bandages are wrapped tightly around her wrists. A tube is connected to her mouth, to help her breathe, and her eyes are closed, making her look as though she’s sleeping.

Mali whispers in my ear, and I exhale, not realizing I was holding my breath.

“Sam.” I croak out, her mother holds my hand. I look over at her and she’s got tired eyes, but smiles faintly. I weakly smile in return, before returning my gaze over to Sam.

“Is she gonna be okay?” I ask. No one answers me at first, so I ask again, louder this time.

“Is she gonna be okay?” I get a few stares, but her mother answers in a trembling voice

“They said she could wake up at any time. We just have to hope for a speedy recovery, and once the doctor gets done with his tests-” she chokes back a sob.

Removing her hand from mine, she falls into her husbands chest. He holds her tightly, before continuing where she left off.

“The doctors are running tests on her brain. They‘re checking to make sure she isn‘t brain dead. She was left unattended, for a while.” He answers with a bite. Obvious, he’s pissed about the entire situation. Hearing this though, I squeeze Mali’s hand. She reciprocates the move and together we sit on one side of the bed. This is where I will stay until she awakens.

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