Diary of Secrets

Calum thought soccer was everything.....until he read Sam's diary.


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4. A Helping Hand

A week. That's how long it took for me to realize, that I was going to need help figuring out who the diary belonged to. Coming home after practice, I called the only person who was still on speaking terms with me. The phone rang twice before Ash picked up,

"Hey Cal. You calling to ask about Sam again? I told you she's giving me the cold shoulder too." leaning my head back on my headrest in the car, I sigh.

"I'm calling about Sam, but not in that way Ash. Hey, you know I don't always call you just for Sam." he half laughs before answering

"Yeah, you kinda do Calum." I think back to the last few phone calls I had with him. Shit. He was right.



"I'm sorry." I reply, rubbing my thumb and forefingers across my forehead. My eyebrows crease in frustration, while I pinch the bridge of my nose lightly.

"It's alright. I expect it. You've always liked her better. We all do, it's why we keep trying to hold on." clearing my throat, I bring my hand in my lap.

"Still. I'm sorry, it won't be like this anymore. What're you doing tomorrow?" he's quiet. I start my car, buckling up my seatbelt.

"I'm supposed to meet up with Luke tomorrow. We're going to the library, we're partners in science class." nodding in response I say

"Good. I'll meet you there." before hanging up and driving home.



Piling into my bedroom, I fall backward onto the pillows. Wearing nothing but my sweat pants, I crawl under the covers. Mali walks in slowly closing my door behind her.

"You got a minute?" she asks in a whisper. I stare at her in bewilderment, before answering slowly

"Yeah.." she makes her way over to my bed, and plops down on top the covers. Her hair is done up in a braid, she's wearing a long sleeve white shirt with matching pajama bottoms.



"Sorry. You're probably tired, but I thought we could talk." I sit up so I can see her.

"Sure, what's up Mal?" she hugs her knees close to her chest.

"I saw Sam today." I lean my arms across my knees.

"How's she doing?" she looks down at her hands.

"That bad huh?" I ask in a huff shuffling my feet under the covers.

"She needs you Cal. All she does is talk about the last time you guys hung out. How you know all the right things to say and how to keep her smiling." I shake my head.

"No. That's where you're wrong. The last time I saw her, she told me we weren't friends anymore. She obviously thinks it's better, without me in her life Mali." she glares at me.

"Don't be a dick Cal." I stare at her in amazement,

"I'm the dick? She's cutting Mal. You don't think I feel like shit, knowing that I'm the one who put her there?!" my voice raises uncontrollably. My frustration is coming through, now that another person besides me, gets to see her.

"Cal stop. It's ok lil' bro. You couldn't have known she'd end up like this." I shake my head, hoping it'll cease the words from being true.



Mali inches closer to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Her voice is soft next to my ear as she says

"Cal calm down. You don't have to cry, she'll be ok. We can get her through this." I hadn't noticed I was crying till she mentioned it. I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly as she leans in between my legs. She's shushing me as my rage filled tears, flow out of me rapidly.

"She's my best friend Mal." I say into her shoulder, she nods answering

"You're hers too Cal. Even if she tries to say otherwise. She'll be ok, we just gotta be there for her more now. She's going through a lot at the moment." nodding in response, I tighten my grip around her.

"Shit. That's what I need you for." I get out, letting her go.

"I'm going to the library tomorrow with Ash and Luke. I need their help with something, so I need you and Michael to keep Sam company. She shouldn't be alone." she nods before resting her hand on my knee, squeezing for support.

"We'll go see a movie or something. No big deal, but you need sleep Cal." I nod hugging her one last time.


She leaves and I curl over clutching my pillow. I'm still pissed that everyone else gets to see Sam, but she refuses to let me get close to her again. I guess I can understand, I wouldn't want constant heartbreak either. But she's going through so much in school, why wouldn't she want more moral support? I punch my pillow in frustration, before turning over and letting sleep take over.

The next day, as I drove over to the library, I stumble across a gas station Sam and I used to visit frequently. Pulling into the parking lot, I stop the car and head outside. There was nothing special about it, in fact; it was a dump. The sign which held the name of the store in red letters, was hanging on by it's rusted hinges. Years ago it read 'Marty's Quick Stop' but the letters are so faded all you can make out is 'Mart ick Stop' so we always called it the 'Mart ick'. The white paint is chipped away from years of neglect. Creating blotches of oak wood exposed all around the joint.

Walking out of my car, I step inside and head straight for the candy aisle. The gas station is small, only a few rows are between the three fridges in the back and the cashier. When Sam and I would come here, she'd always get the same thing. I can see her now, running over and grabbing a bag of gummi worms. Her hair is flying behind her, as she laughs heading towards the fridge in the back and retrieving a mountain dew from the middle shelf.

"Hey kid. You just gonna stand there all day, or are you gonna buy something?" the middle aged blond behind the counter asks.

"Sorry." I mumble before grabbing the gummi worms and a mountain dew. Since she can't be with me physically, maybe symbolically having her around will bring me luck.

Pulling into the library parking lot, I look over to see Ash and Luke getting out of Luke's car. I park next to them, they glance over in my direction and smile. As I get out, they acknowledge me with simple greetings, before we're heading inside. We take a table in the back, armed with multiple books about mitosis and soft drinks.

"So Cal what brings you here? Normally you'd be packed up in your room. Trying to be sociable again?" Luke asks quietly, opening up one of the books stacked on the table. Giving a small smile I answer

"I've been a bad friend, I know. I'm trying to fix that, give me a break Luke." leaning back in my chair, I look over at him. He sighs, still annoyed with me, but doesn't fight me being here.


After about an hour of us studying together, I bring up the reason why I met them here.

"Wait it's a what?" Ash asks looking at my phone.

"A diary. I found it at the bridge. You know, the one Sam and I used to hang out at." he passes my phone over to Luke. Letting him see the picture I took, of the diary entry.

"Shit. This sounds bad." Luke mumbles to himself.

"I know it does. It's why I wanna find whoever owns it. They need someone to talk to." Ash seems lost in thought for a minute. He's quiet as he looks around, to make sure no one else hears our conversation.

"Are you sure this isn't Sam's?" Ash asks looking at the phone once more.

"No. Sam's going through shit Ash, but she hasn't reached this point. At least I hope not. You two have seen her more than I have. What do you think?" Luke looks over at Ash shaking his head slowly.

"I don't think Sam's this bad. I mean she needs help, but not like this person." Ash hands me my phone back.

"I'm sorry, it's just there's so many similarities. I mean Michael's always getting suspended. It's no surprise Luke and I are the shy ones." he doesn't have to tell me I'm the one who hurt her. Leaving her there to deal with her self pity and over bearing thoughts.


Luke and Ash start piling up the books they took from the shelves.

"I need help guys. I have to help this person. There's no way I can just leave them to be alone." Luke looks over at me. His gaze is questioning when he asks

"Cal, why do you care? I mean, you can barely keep decent friendships with us. How do you expect to help a person, who you don't even know?" he had me there. I couldn't hold a solid conversation anymore, but yet I couldn't stand the thought of having someone else, end up like Sam. So I answered

"Because I'm probably the only one who gives a shit about this person. I don't want them ending up like Sam. How could you not want to help this person. If you thought there was a way, any way. Wouldn't you want to help?" him and Ash exchange a look. They both look worried, but share a half hearted smile and nod in my direction.


Once we're outside, we take off toward our cars. After Luke gets in, I call out to Ash

"Hey." he looks up at me wearing a tired expression.

"Yeah?" he answers leaning on the open car door.

"You guys will help right? Make sure to keep an eye out, for someone who hangs out at the bridge? I mean we can't look around school, there's too many people. Half of them look depressed already. Whoever wrote this, always returns to the bridge. So we just have to stake it out, until we see someone write in the diary next." he nods replying

"I'll try. But I'm gonna try to keep my focus on Sam too. She comes first Cal." I nod and in a sigh answer

"I know. But she won't let me help her. So if I can help someone else, I'm going too." Ash gives me a small smile. His sweater hangs loose on him, as a big wind comes through.

"She'll come around Cal. Just gotta give her time." he sits in his seat and they drive off.

Driving away I realized I never opened my bag of gummi worms. With no homework in the way and it being too late to practice, I headed for the movies. The only thing I'll have done for myself, since school started. Maybe I can finally figure out what movie Shailene Woodley is in. I grab the jacket from my back seat and throw it on, placing the gummi worms inside the left pocket. Driving down the aisles of the parking lot, I look around for an empty spot. Finding a place, I pull in and turn off my car stuffing the keys in my jean pocket.

As I walk up to the doors leading inside, I hear a familiar laugh. Looking over to the exit doors, I see Sam coming out with Michael and Mali. Her smile is wide on her happy face, as they giggle over the movie they watched. I think about just walking in, ignoring them because Sam wouldn't want to see me, or Michael for that matter. Then I hear

"Hey Cal!" from Mali, so I awkwardly wave, before coming over towards them. She's stopped engaging in the conversation they were having, to look over at me.

"I'll go get the car, before my fist makes friends with someone's face." Michael tells the girls not hiding his irritation,before walking away towards the parking lot.


"Michael." Mali whines before he's no longer in earshot.

"It's alright Mali, let him. You know he's not kidding. He probably would punch me, with good reason too." I answer looking over at Sam. Her face finds mine and for a moment I think she's back to normal. A smirk plays beautifully on her pink lips, making her fuller bottom lip puff out. Mali notices this saying

"Glad to see you aren't fighting anymore." and walks off to join Michael at the car. Sam watches her leave and we realize it's just the two of us now.


To cease an awkward silence from creeping over us, I ask

"How are you Sam? I haven't seen or heard from you in a week." she looks up at me with her green eyes. Her expression is blank when she answers

"Fine Cal. Yourself? How's the knee?" she asks looking down at my left knee. Following her gaze I answer

"All better, was only out a day. Told you nothing but some advil and rest couldn't help." she laughs lightly. It's a nice sound coming from her mouth, but it's not the full one I'm used to hearing. Not the one that she used to have, when we'd be sitting watching movies or I'd start a tickle fight.


She sighs so low I barely hear it, before she says

"I should go. Michael's been complaining he's starving." she was leaving. But I wanted to talk some more, whether I wanted to admit it or not I missed her.

"Why don't you an I go get something to eat?" her expression turns blank again.

"I can't just ditch Michael and Mali. Maybe some other time Cal." she turns to start walking away. As she steps off the raised pavement, I lightly grab her forearm.

"Wait. I'll go with you guys, if you don't mind that is." her gaze is aimed at my hand. Instantly I remove it, she looks up at me with a small smile asking

"I thought you were going to see a movie." I'm at a loss for words momentarily, my head drops avoiding her piercing eyes.


When I finally look back at her, she's smiling wide. It reaches up to her eyes, lighting up the black ring around her iris.

"I wasn't going to have much luck finding one. I don't know the name of the movie I've been wanting to see." her phone goes off. She grabs it from her sweater pocket, opening the text message.

"It's Michael." she says

"He wants to know why I'm taking so long, he's hungry." she lightly laughs at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you." I answer to her typing a reply out. Her eyes find mine again, before saying

"It's fine. He can wait a bit longer. What movie were you thinking about? The Fault in Our Stars?" she questions, holding the cuffs of her jacket sleeves in her hands, after putting her phone back in the jacket pocket.

"What's that?" I ask in return, she stifles a laugh before saying

"It's the one with Shailene Woodley and she has cancer." I smile answering

"All I knew about the movie that I wanted to see, was that it had her in it. Thanks." she smiles once more.

"I wanted to watch it tonight, but Mikey said it was too much of a chick flick." biting my lip to hide the smile creeping onto my mouth, I reply

"Yeah, Mikey's always had shitty movie taste." she laughs, and it sounds like hers. The one I always used to hear, whenever the five of us hung out.


A sigh breaks through us and she looks over at the parked car, with it's tail lights on.

"I should go." she says with a sad sigh, looking back in my direction. I don't want to leave her just yet, maybe I can convince her to stick around a bit longer.

"Come see the movie with me." I offer with a soft voice, so it doesn't sound like an order. Her eyes fixates on the car again, before she huffs with a shake of her head. Then, she says so low I almost think I wasn't meant to hear it.

"May as well, I already made one mistake tonight." trying to catch her gaze, I crane my head to look at her face asking

"Huh?" she sighs once more answering

"Sure. Why not?" joining me inside.

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