Loving you is a deal forever!

This is the story about two friends who gradually discover they love each other but their realities don't allow them to stay together.
They decide to keep loving each other forever, even though they can't be together.

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1. Loving you is a deal forever!

 

I always used to think he was like a big brother to me.. maybe because I don’t have one.. he is such an awesome human being with empathy for everyone.. he has always helped me so much.. Our parents were family friends since my childhood. But it’s been only 3 years since we have known each other as adults because they had moved to another country when he was 5 years old.. they came to live in the neighborhood recently.. so we visited each other frequently.. Gradually we became friends. I found him to be very interesting n different from others.. very inspiring.. he is so intelligent n smart. I looked up to him as a male figure of the family, cuz my father is dead n I don’t have a brother. I used to share my life problems with him.. n he always tried to solve them. When I was sad, he was the one who cheered me up. Both of us had cats and we often made them play together.

We used to go shopping and movies together, but just as best friends. He is not very good looking nor does he have a good physique, but his heart is definitely priceless.

Recently I realized I love him but not as a brother. I found myself lost in his thoughts most of my days. I have always been tomboyish.. I used to have short hair n I never paid attention to makeup or grooming. But after knowing him.. I had suddenly developed a love for dressing up nicely and looking good. I have grown my hair long and I feel nice and feminine. I stopped trying to speak in a hoarse voice.. and I started liking singing sweet songs.. n I also began buying stuffed toys for myself.. Then I realized that I have developed a habit of thinking about him before falling asleep and after waking up in the morning. So I didn’t know why suddenly I had been changing so much. I googled it on the internet and asked questions about it on forums. All of this research made me conclude that I was in love. I was a little nervous about this.. this had never happened to me.. and I didn’t know what to do. But I knew that the first thing when that happens is to tell them what you feel.

On his birthday, they had a party at their house, it was a small party with close family friends. We were invited too. He was looking very cute to me now. I had this feeling of butterflies in my stomach and my heart was racing. He was busy attending the guests. I found the chance to tell him that I wanted to talk to him urgently. I took him by the hand to the verandah.. and looked into his eyes. I told him that I love him.. and he was like, I love you too baby, haha.. but then I said I was serious.. n looked into his eyes intently. He looked away n said, “What? I’m sorry that’s wrong.” I couldn’t take it and went away from there, crying.

Next day, in the evening when I was going home from college, I saw him standing outside his old farmhouse. I looked at him with anger.. he reached up n held my hand n got me inside his house.

“Sara, come, sit.” I sat on the sofa.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be rude.. it’s just that.. it’s not possible.. I mean..”

I said, “So you don’t love me?”

He said, “I love you.. but not like that dear..”

“Why? Because I’m ugly, and fat right?”

He cupped my face with his hands..”You are beautiful Sara.. you’re an amazing person. The guy who’d be loved by you would be very lucky...”

I burst into tears. “And that’s why you don’t love me..”

He kneeled down on his knees to reach my face.. and wiped my tears.. he held me in his arms and pet my head.

I was crying heavily and hugged him tightly.. wiping my nose with his t-shirt. This was the first time in my life I had fallen in love with a guy and being rejected was a horrible feeling. I felt ugly and worthless.

My face and eyes had grown red because of the crying. He looked at me; seemingly worried.

He wiped my tears. “Sara, Sara... Sara look here.. please stop crying. I can’t see you crying..”

He himself began to cry.

“Why are you crying? You don’t care about me, you don’t love me, right? You are just a family friend. Don’t bother.”

He held the palm of my hands. “Sara, I have always loved you. You are the most precious gift of God to me. And seeing you sad aches my heart. But this is not right.”

“Why? Why is it not right?”

“Sara because, you deserve someone much better than me.. you deserve someone who would always keep you happy. I have nothing to give to you.”

“Why don’t you just say, you already love someone else?”

“That’s not true Sara. Honestly I have never been in love. I love you but I can’t be with you.”

“Wow! That sounds wonderful! How fucked up you are!”

Sobbing, he said “Sara.. you are one smart, talented and beautiful girl. You will find a lot of guys to love. Find a cute guy who’ll fulfill all your wishes and keep you happy. Marry him and never think of me. I am nothing.”

“Why are you talking like that?” I cupped his face with my hands and wiped his tears.”

“What would I be able to give you Sara? Don’t you know my family conditions? Don’t you know my schedule?”

Those words.. they froze me. I had never thought about that. He had only discussed about his family to me once. Then I realized, I had never ever tried to talk about his problems. I was the one who was always lamenting about each and every thing.

His family condition was not at all good. They used to impose their decisions on him.. and he always had to submit to it, because if he didn’t, it would become a news and his family’s reputation would get stained. He was not allowed to follow his dreams of becoming a musician and was forced to join the family business. He wasn’t left with any time for himself or his hobbies from all the work. And he was expected to stay at his parent’s home forever and marry by arranged marriage.

Thinking all this my heart sank.. and I too began crying again. We both sat together crying, holding each other’s hands. All I said was, “I love you.. I love you..”

He said, “Sara, I am your friend forever. I am always there when you need me, but I don’t want you to get involved in all this.. I don’t want to cage you. I can’t see you getting hurt every day, in the kind of family I live with... you are born to fly.. to follow your dreams.. to live freely.”

He kissed my forehead saying this. “Now, cheer up little girl!”

It was such an emotional moment for me.. I couldn’t believe, that someone who has always helped me selflessly, without asking for anything in return.. has been going through an ocean of pain every day, living the kind of life he had never wanted, without even complaining.

I just wanted to hug him forever.

I sat on his lap, crying and hugging him and clenching his t-shirt. And he tried to calm me, again wiping my tears and petting me. I didn’t realize when I fell asleep.

After an hour I woke up to a cat’s meow.. and realized he had also been sleeping.

I stepped up from his lap and he opened his eyes.

“Hey Sara, I’m sorry.. come I’ll drop you home.”

“Please don’t leave me.” I held his hand.

“I won’t, but you need to go to your home now. Your mom must be worried.”

“My mom is out of town for a week.”

“But Sara..”

“.. I know we can’t be together forever.. but at least for today..”

“Well, Sara..”

“Come let’s watch a movie.”

We sat together to watch his favorite movie.

In the middle of the movie, I felt very hungry.

“I am hungry.”

“Umm.. I don’t think there’s any restaurants that deliver food in this area, cuz it’s away from the main town..”

“Okay then, let’s cook!” I said, with a smile and a glaze in my eyes.

“No no wait, I’ll do it. Tell me do you like omelet and toast? Or pasta? Or noodles?”

I hurried into the kitchen after him. I helped him cook pasta and omelets.

After cooking, we brought the food to the sofa and started watching the movie while eating the dinner.

We both fed each other a few spoons.

Then I told him to take me on a tour to his house. The house was old, but had expensive items for decoration. After all, his family needed to show off their wealth!

I turned around and saw a guitar lying near the dressing table.

“Who’s is this?”

“Hey leave it Sara.”

“Why? Tell me no, who’s is it?”

“It used to be mine Sara. I loved playing my guitar.. I had composed so many songs on this.. I used to spend a lot of time playing it, and also got scolded for it many times.. and now look one of the strings is broken but I have no time to even get it repaired.”

“I want to hear your song.”

“No Sara, not anymore. I can’t sing or play anymore.”

“Why? Won’t you even try for me?”

“Okay.”

I saw him getting a little teary. I held his hand and kissed them.

“Come on!”

He held the guitar and fixed the broken string. Then he wiped off the dust from it. And tried to play it.. The tune was quite screechy and bad.. but I kept encouraging.

“You can do it, come on, try once more!”

Within 5 minutes, he began playing with a flow and like a professional. I got so happy, I clapped my hands. Then I asked him to play some of his compositions.

He told me to wait and brought his notebook from his almirah, where he had noted down his compositions.

He began playing and started singing as well.. and I was numb, it was such a sweet, melodious song.. and I had never known before that he could sing so well.

My jaw dropped as he sang his next song… he was so good at it. I could keep listening him sing forever.

He told me to join him.. I hesitated but gradually sang. He said I too sang very well.

Then he taught me singing one of his songs and to play the guitar.

I demanded to see his room. I went there and was surprised to see 5 more musical instruments at his desk. He could play them all.

We sang some more songs together. Now I was very sleepy again.

I told him I wanted to sleep. He carried me in his arms to the first floor, in his sister’s bedroom.

“This is the cleanest room right now.. others need repairing. You can comfortable sleep here.”

He led me on the bed, covered me with sheets and whispered goodnight. He was going away.. as I held his hand.

“What happened? You need something Sara?”

“Yes, please don’t go.. it’s a little scary here..”

“.. but… okay fine..” He smiled at me.

He began spreading some sheets on the floor for himself.

“Don’t do that.. you can sleep here..”

“But Sara..”

“Why can’t you? I can’t make you sleep on the floor in this cold weather.”

“Sara.. I don’t want anything to happen between us.. I don’t want you to go through a situation.. something we might regret.. I want you to be careful with these things in future Sara.. never let any guy take advantage of your innocence and don’t trust them so easily.”

“But I thought you were so good and trustworthy.”

“Yes Sara, I promise I won’t do anything to put you in an unpleasant situation.. but you should be careful with these things with guys in general.. in future..”

“Okay but I trust you.”

I dragged him towards the bed, and we finally slept.

I slept hugging him like I used to sleep hugging my mother in childhood.

I woke up the next morning feeling beautiful.. but found him sleeping on the ground.

“Good morning!”

“Hey, good morning Sara.”

I went down near him, cupped his face and kissed him on the cheek. I hugged him as he stood up.

“When did you go down?”

“A few hours ago.”

“But why?”

“Because I wanted you to have enough space for yourself and have a relaxing sleep. But Sara, now I’ll have to go back to my house and to work. Get ready and we’ll go back.”

“Why can’t we be like this forever? I want to be with you..”

“Sara, I love you and always will.. Love isn’t about just staying together. I am always here if you need me. But we cannot live together.. I hope you understand, that this is best for us.”

“But now I won’t be able to fall in love with anyone else.. because my heart is yours now.”

“No Sara, you will. And trust me there are better guys than me.. cute guys with that perfect smile.. and perfect body.. and anybody will fall in love with you.. after your college, you might get a job in another city.. you’ll get busy, like me, and gradually, you’ll forget me.”

“No I won’t ever forget this.. I won’t ever forget us.. will you?”

“No Sara.. I know that one day, I’ll be married to someone I don’t even know.. I’ll have my own family.. but inside my heart, I’ll know that I love you. And no one can take your place in my heart.”

“I’ll miss you forever.”

“Hey! We’ll always be friends. You can contact me when you need.”

“And you too, don’t forget!”

We left his farmhouse and we both went our own homes.

 

 

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